Fear

I guess its about time I open this up to myself and talk aboout it. I'm already 21 (few days to go, watever), and its time I actually reflect on what I want, what I need and what I wish for. Sadly, I guess there's just this weakness within me, that everytime I wake up, I lose that 'fire' that was burning up within me,a dn I go back to being square uno again. But times change and people (especially bumps like me) need to change as well.

So what am I still afraid of? All this time, instead of facing the truth and putting my all into doing things I know I can do, I end up only reminiscing on things that I shud hav, but someone else had already taken it first. Its sad to think that I am a lsave to confidence, when in fact I have a bucket load of it, but I was just too wimpy to let it loose.

What am I afraid of? I guess its time I face the truth. I'm afraid of losing. That's my biggest phobia. Losing a game, losing a battle, losing a fren. I hate the thought of it. But as I am now, I developed a new way to overcome this phobia, ignore it. Become second. Let someone else do the fall. Becuase when ur second, u'll never get the blame. No matter how many times, in every damn thing I do, I always have the same attitute. Some call it taking a step back. I know its called denial. I never tried to outdo myself, I just take a step back and let others do that.

I guess thats why people grow up, and I never do.

My fear... is of myself.

As of today, 29th March 2010, 5.42am, no matter 2012 comes or not, no matter what happens in the near future, I promise, that I'll take that step I've never done before in my life - I'll take that frikin risk, even if it means killing myself.

'The real fool is not the one asking the question and gets laughed at, its the one who knows the answer but never had the chance to speak his mind.'