Backtracking on myself...

These days its no longer the same anymore. Scars... I have em. Pain, I feel em all the time. But not like this. Not one bit as close to as this. This hurt.. this new form of agony, is something I cannot understand, no matter nhow deep I try to find out. I've questioned myself so many times... and just recently.. I guess I found the answer.

I opened my heart, 100%, for the second time in my life. No one has ever done that to me, and now, someone did. LMAO.

I let go, true, but my heart did not. A part of my being and my soul is somewhere I will never get back.

Only time can heal those wounds I guess.

These few weeks have been, well... bland.

I've been slightly lost in direction. I've been wandering around my own world, losing all sense of direction. I don;t know what to do, what I want, what I wish for.

Thx to Aliaric, I guess I know what I need to do now. Its not my fault, but getting too attached is something I'll have to work out on myself. My emotions have all been jumbled up 360 degrees. My language is degrading itself, I'm losing time to being sobre and feeling sorry for my own ass, I'm getting overly aggressive at every damn thing. Just that day, Siew Li was kind enough to fetch us all to Uni, and one the way, the guards slowed us down. One of them wanted me to put on the tag, which I refused. I did not know why. I almost wanted to get out of the car, slam the door, grab any damn thing I could find and smash it on his head. It was an awful feeling. Worst, Cheng You was actually laughing in front, and I told him to shut up. I was never angrier in this entire month than I was on that day.

I went home that day, and basically tried to calm myself down.

Today, when I woke up, I knew something was different. I knew, from the moment I stepped out of the shower, sat down on the study table, and reached out for the QT notes, that I was getting somewhere. Becasue today, I felt lighter.

Time really does do wonders, if you just let it. I was a fool, and I apologize to those I've hurt in the process of getting my head cleared. I'm just an amatuer in this relationship thingy, and I realise now that matters only get worst if we blame it on ourselves. We gotta stay open about these things. =p

Thx lots and lots to Alz and Jake for being there when I needed a fren. U guys I owe alot to.