Ice Breaking~

T_____T

I'm tired as hell, my knees hurt like hell, I'm all wet, I'm freaking thirsty and I'm bored.

T_____T

Lolz. That was it. The entire enchilada. Woke up around 7.00 am today, rushed to school, just to participate in some random ice breaking event. Ironically, I helped organize it, now I'm participating in it. WTF.

First few hours were reeeeEEEEEeeeeEEEEEeeeally.... Boring. Hardly had anything to say between us. But oince the events started off, it was well... really quite a blast.

Our team name was WTF - We're the first. And the slogan we had.. lolz. We turned our backs on ppl and shouted 'You're always behind us' Yeah. Damn 'chun'. xDDD

Well... nothing much to say cuz i dont have the photos (even if i did it wouldn;t be worth the effort). But heres one that involved us getting drawn on the face with cheap lipstick. T.T

Well, fun la. Bleh tahan. xDDDD

Back to stuff today that are juz too important to ignore - snoozing. ^^

Lazy =3

Lazy day. Woke up and didn't feel tat eager to go attend PM. Lame class. Lame subject. Boring siah~ So I took Robson's advice (GG!!) - I din go. xD

But since my tummy hasn't been feeling tat well since yesterday, I kinda found a good excuse.

Gonna be another boring Friday (until night time then we can party a little.)

Back to what I do best. Snoozing~~ zZzZzZzZZZzzzzzZZzZZzzzZZZzzZ



'Sometimes its just hard to see what infront of you, what with all that reality all over your face.'

10.01 am, got the laundry out, waiting for the bike shop to open, and getting ready for athe assignment meeting tonight. T_____T

UTAR~

Its just so hard to describe it, you noe.... U hate it sooooooooo much. U hate almost everything there is here..... But still... U love it. U love to be here. U love the sights, the sounds,. Just staring blankly at the lake for a moment to ponder upon something. Its just..... kewl~

Just another average day at the campus, though. But the views today were great. Got this coming downhill on da way back.


Lol. I never knew camera angles could be so useful. This is the 'majestic' side of Block B. It makes it look so much more pro than when ur inside it. =/

Yes. What we UTARians do best. Its for motorcycles. So what. Its against the rules. So what? Bikers rule! wakakakakakak! xDD



More downhill shots. This time the breeze was chilly and sweet~ 0.0~~~~~ whoosh!

This one's random. xDD tupid camera with tupid small small lens!!!!

Overall, tiring day. Had to carry my stupid laptop with me to school today. Heavy sia. T____T
Gonna order out and then sleep~ xD Nitez all~

'Fascination is nothing more than a feelin you get when passion and emotion beats cowardice and logic in the game of 'Hearts'. I'm fascinated, but neh.. not my cup of tea~ xD'

8.01pm, standard Kampar Time, when the B-ballers are making so much ruckus outside you feel like throwing a hammer at em! Arghh!!

Freaky Diddly~

Only the second week intot he semester, and I'm already feeling the heat. 3 assignments, a presentation, and the mid-terms coming up very very VERY soon. =________=''

Okay. Heres proff that the UTAR people really have low 'follow-the-rules-cuz-i'm-civilized' realization. But neh.. I cant say much about it, cuz my bikes there as well. xDDD

Wind blew through the open-aired corridors, making a live shower-show. Many got blown back a few steps. =/


Gonna be an activity this saturday, and lucky me's gonna be the game master. @___@The place where its gonna be held.. I think.

Not much to rant today, cuz well..... I got too much to do. So, see yas soon!!! xDDD

ROFL

Seven deadly sins.. xDDDD Damn I'm evil wehhhh

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Childish

Had a normal day. Why normal? Its a freaky balance of something really good, and something really bad. Yea. Contra them both and you get a balance. An equal. Thats the problem with this world. People want to know results, only : a balanced day. But they don't see the process: an exremely good mixed with an extreme bad.

Toka Koka. The rules of this world, and everything I believe in. Give something, and take something. You don't give, you don't take. But what this 'law' of the universe failed to say is, not everything follows toka koka. Love, friendsip, sacrifice... all these don't fall under the rule. You love somone, you do everything in your power to keep them happy. You don't expect something in return. Your parents give you everything, and they only hope that you be happy. Your best fren looks out for you, and he doesn't seek compensation. These are beautiful events that doesn't require something to be sacrificed to gained something of an equal amount.

Sometimes I feel that toka koka is more to me... a hope than anything else. They say you treat people the way you want to be treated. =) Bullshit. Reality>Fantasy. No matter how much you give out, you will, emphasise NEVER get the exact same treatment as what you have given out. I dont want to talk about luck. I dont want to talk about fate. I want to talk about now, this moment, this time in my life. I give, I wait. I sacrifice, and I wait somemore. I take a step back, and people tredge forward, leaving me out. I care, I get cursed. I try, I get lost.

Yeah... ranting again huh? No matter how many times, yeah... U will never get that same treatment. Say anything you like, I'm emotional, I'm childish, I'm just sad. But ask yourself this question when you face the same thing one day. U noe I'm not lying. So the best solution? For me, I choose to continue to do wats right, because that's just who I am. But u stand in my way again, there are no second chances in my dictionary.

I witnessed a recent incident.. actually two. One, is a fren of mine, Jake was his name. He went beserk on a Monday morning, practically he was pissed of about something. Now, I did the noble and stupid thing - The immeidate response I had that very morning was not to stay at home, but I actually let my breakfast go, and go over to his place, thinking he was obviously upset about something. Now, when I got there, he looked fine, seemed fine, and well yeah was kinda fine overall. We had a little chat, and it looked all cleared up. So I thought. After school, he showed me the message he sent my brother Cheng You. He said, quote 'wat for you listen to him? the fella like to do things emotionally. so childish.' Seriously, I was heartbroken. The night before, we went for the MU Liverpool match. Jessica (our project leader) gave me a call, and we were supposed to meet up to clear things up for a meeting the next day. But she failed to specify the time and date, and ultimately we cancelled the entire thing. Jake didn't find out. And so I got the blame for 'not-telling-him EVERTYTIME we-planned-something'. I was demolished.

You see.... if getting the blame for standing up for rights, being there when people need you, and taking charge of things, then I apologize for those things. But the sorry isn't at what I did. Sorry's on you. I hardly slept the night before coming up with the plans for the booklet which, ultimately got cancelled as well. Think about how I felt if all you did was wake up in the morning and had your hair done and was waiting to go out and COURT girls?

Emotions.... is a very touchy-feely thing. You either have too much of them, or too little. I envy those who have a perfect balance. Doing something doesn't really mean thinking only about now and then, its weighing the consequences of your actions and doing what you feel is right. You're busy with your life, and so am I with mine. I have my feelings, you lack yours. Funny thing is, every where I turn, I seem like the only one supporting people, and nobody seems to be there to support me when I take a fall. All I get is sneers and laughter. Not even you, Jake. Not even you.

You have changed for the better, yes. But your blardy (ok.. I'm using it again) attitude of ignoring other people's feelings is getting on my nerves. You think you can rule the world? You think sincerity is nothing more than work and play? You think you can make a friend in just 5 minutes and tell the world 'Look at me! I'm famous!' when people are actually asking what the hell did the guy just say?

I don't treat people, especially friends, as a tool for sucess. A friend is for life. We look out for one another. I'm happy I'm not you. Yes, I envy your influence of getting to know people fast. But sit back, ask yourself, are you sure you made real friends? Or just frens? Are you sure what you're doing is really tat? All I see is insincerity. All I see is faking. All I see is temporaryness. Blinded by lust and the need to multiply wealth and hunger for a quick dollar. You think you have the right to say what you want because you own an ability no one has? You think you can step over people's dead bodies because you have a happy-going attitude that doesn't even look real?

You don't tell me that I'm not myself. You don't tell me I cant be emotional over things that happen in my life. A good amount of emotions is good. Get some in your own life for crying out loud. Childish.

The second event is the recent meetings with the FE club. I had never, quote 'NEVER BEEN SO INSANELY ANGRY'. You know what... its not even worth my time typing anything. Unprofessionalism is a 50% factor why people think UTAR will not bear good students. Congratulations, you bunch of people are one of them.


'I'm pissed, half drunk on anger, and totally blacking out in a while. The environment here is swell, but the people here are really just too immature to deal with. For once, I miss KL. I miss the Form 6 people. I miss the dudes and gals back in KL who actually have a hint of life and what it REALLY means, instead of being immature and selfish about things that happen in thier life. I have but one word. F*ck off. Nobody cares if you die or live here, so maybe I shud stop doing the opposite.'

11.33 pm, 27 October 2009

Take Charge

Another day, another activity. Two things. 1st, a disasterous news that breaks the hearts of millions around the world. Today, at approximately 12.06am, standard Malaysian Time, Liverpool sealed a 2 - 0 victory over MU. =_=''



=_=''

=_='''''

=_='''''''''

ok enuf emoing.

The second part was the talk I attended today: Take Responsibilty, Take Charge, by Mr. Rizal. The dude was hilarous to begin with, and throughout the entire ordeal I didn't blink, snooze or turned my atention away from him. He was FREAKING good! He said something that I could'nt really forget that easily - opportunity comes by in a flash, if your not quick enuff to change, then people who change faster than u do, will take those opportunities away from u.

And... something that was also really good: There is NO SUCH THING AS LUCK. Its all choice. You choose to be there at that moment, at that time, with your head up in the sky, and BAM! Ligthning bolt, fried noob (might even occur twice... IF you choose it to be). And for some reason, he was right. Someone in da class asked something about being born with bad genes. Rizal answered him with this: 'Once upon a time, you were this little sperm, and you won the race. Now, why did you choose to win?' The whole class burst out laughing.

And of course, there was the story of the bangau and the fish.

"bangau oh bangau, kenapa engkau kurus?
macam-mana aku tak kurus,
ikan tak mahu timbul - ikan tak mahu timbul

ikan oh ikan, kenapa engkau tak timbul?
macam-mana aku nak timbul,
rumput panjang sangat - rumput panjang sangat

rumput oh rumput, kenapa engkau panjang?
macam-mana aku tak panjang,
kerbau tak makan aku - kerbau tak makan aku

kerbau oh kerbau, kenapa tak makan rumput?
macam-mana aku nak makan,
perut aku sakit - perut aku sakit

perut oh perut, kenapa engkau sakit?
macam-mana aku tak sakit,
makan nasi mentah - makan nasi mentah

nasi oh nasi, kenapa engkau mentah?
macam-mana aku tak mentah,
api tak mahu menyala - api tak mahu menyala

api oh api, kenapa engkau tak mahu menyala?
macam-mana aku nak menyala,
kayu api basah - kayu api basah

kayu oh kayu, kenapa engkau basah?
macam-mana aku tak basah,
hujan timpa aku - hujan timpa aku

hujan oh hujan, kenapa timpa kayu?
macam-mana aku tak timpa,
katak panggil aku - katak panggil aku

katak oh katak, kenapa panggil hujan?
macam-mana aku tak panggil,
ular nak makan aku - ular nak makan aku

ular oh ular, kenapa nak makan katak?
macam-mana aku tak makan, memang makanan aku - memang makanan aku!!!
betul juga tu ye… memang makanan engkau - memang makanan engkau!!!"


The moral of the story? Stop bangau-ing, cuz there ain't an excuse for anything you do, but yourself. You are what you choose to be, because every decision that you make comes from you and you alone.

Ok. Going back to emoing cuz Mu lost. Bye~

Tiring~ Fun... But Tiring~

Its only the first week and already I'm experiencing severe exhaustion, pain in the neck and back area, and especially the lungs and nasal cavity due to too much laughter. Ouch! There it goes again.
These days its either badminton, cycling, runnin up and down like a crazy monkey, jumping like a crazy monkey, or getting called a crazy monkey. Hyperactivity~ xDDDDDD Its like we're all on concentrated glucose or something.

Just got back from a game of badminton. Ok. If it's not bad enuff that it HAD to be badminton and not soccer, we had to cycle (seriously), almost 2 kilometres into Old Town to get to the court. And the weather was freaking hottttt!!! T.T

Even the coconut juices with ice didn't do much to soothe me. =_='''

Okie~ Sleepy now. Gtg. Having a BBQ this evening. Yawn~

Likey~ Likey~

Lolz. Class today was really high, and I mean the really really REALLY high type!!! xDDD Jake and Young were on FIRE! Cheng You could still crack jokes with his head on the table and both hands rubbing his eyes and yawning! Siew Li... lolz... playing Coh Dai Di and getting furious about not being able to 'choot' a full house over the AI's staright, and going 'What the...'

It was a really hilarious day! Team building came first. Compared to the last class, with the discussion on leadership, today was on communication. I had Siew Li for my partner, quote Jake 'commander' and lolzzz all the way. The first portion was easy, me giving the instructions and she drew, and we made a 90% accurate drawing. A high 5 later, places were switched. This time, the projector lights lit on, and Siew Li's face turned from motionless to stunned. Swt.... The lecturer was really playing games. She wanted us to draw another pic, but this time, the shapes were all 3D. T.T

The Lecture on EFM was the usual, the tall molases of an uncle sweet talking Cheng You to sleep, and we did some critical thinking excercises. Boring~

The two tutorial classes that followed were the bomb! MArketing, we laughed, cried, jeered, laughed somemore. Jake was too busy noticing a girl quote 'his destined fate' or some crazy ding-dong, and he went on about it again and again. Young was crazy and laughing his head off for particularly no reason at all. EFM tutorial, agai, more laughter, and this time, all of us turned our heads to what Jake referred to as a red-shirt beauty. And yea... he went on about it again....

So kinda one of those really happy days when things don't go wrong for ya. A relieve from the blardy (I have to stop using this word) stress.

Kudos~

Emotions

'It's getting outta hand now, really. I cant seem to face the fact that every where I turn, they look me in the eye. In fact, they did nothing but carry on with thier own lives, but still, its as though they pierce through me, like a hot knife through butter.' - afternoon, 2.24pm, outside DDK1.

Something well, disturbing happened today. For one thing, I don't like to consider myself a fool. Many more reasons for me to dislike people taking me for one as well. The entire thing can't go public, so I'll write with words and descriptiosn and metaphors the blurr the bloody thing up. Imagine trusting people. Imagine believing in someone with all your heart, but in the end your heart gets played with and toyed upon, as those you were nothing more than a pawn at the edge of a fishing rod. I had a rediculous scenario today. A couple of us got into something together, which I believed to have been preplanned. But many moments later, we became more or less alienated. Ok. The feelings were all mushed up. Felt like someone swallowing you whole then spitting you out. I was played for a fool.

Dissapointment? Yeah. Depression? Oh yeah.... Anger? Hell yeah! What am I gonna do about it? Nah... Nothing. Got used to it.

Feeling upset, but doing nothing about it.

Deepavali

Its like 2 days overdue, but what the hey. xDDD

Dropped by Aliaric's place for the Deeps celebration, and I have to say, one of the most 'exciting', 'extravagant', 'extraordinary', 'exhiliarating' experiences you could ask for.

Because, ladies and gentlemen... we did this:











and this. Gotta hand it to you, bro. You make quite a celebration! xDDD Stay sharp, and Nick too, thx fer the tips.

Gave me a whole new idea on what Deepavali ought to look like. Lol. Daniel shoud've been here to see this. LMAO.

WHAT THE FAK

Ever had the feeling that you were being watched? Shadows lurking around every corner stone, waiting for the right time to pounce on you, tearing you to shreds? Ever wondered how time and time again you always seem to escape from demise, only to fall into a deeper and ever trickier crater, and soon you begin to find, that there is no way out at all?

Luck, fate, chances... Not really my cup of tea. Yet, time and time again, I begin to feel like something's playing me for a fool. Everytime I decide to take a giant leap ahead of me, the crater seemed to get larger than it was before. Everytime I finally garnered the courage to take that first step, the others have already crossed the finishing line. Yeah... sucks, I noe. And I admit, its these times and times again that keeps me thinking.... is my life really dictated? Or is it just me, in the wrong time, at the wrong palce, at the wrong moment. Coincidences, maybe? Sheer soincidences?

Well, then I tried again earlier today. I vouched that I would do something.... something I've never ever done before in my life, until that moment. The timing? Perfect. Obstacles? Cleared. And just as I was about to embrace that final goal, something, well.. out of the blue happened and reality struck me in the face. Its like another fella pooping out of nowhere when you're lining up in the cafeteria, shoving you aside and saying, 'Chill it kid, wait your turn.'

'Hell, no!' This is not how I want my life to end up to be! Forever being in second place, or even getting soooo close, near perfection! Its like Mr. Almost all over again.

And what am I doing about it? Yeap. I'm lamenting, ranting about it to people that I don't even know read this stuff at all. Such a loser I am. No wonder I lost in everything.

So... why not try again?

If it takes a thousand tries to harness success, then maybe, its time I kicked into a higher gear. This coating fits me no more. Time for a change. Reality really did kick in. Here I am, seeing the real world at its true evil and malice in the flesh, and all I'm gonna do is lament about it. Shhhhish.

Its not like I haven't tried.

Its because something is holding me back - me. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I climb too high, I fall, hard. I'm afraid, that people see me indifferently, stares and glares that I cannot, and I mean it, cope with. I fear. I tremble. I am helplessly.... hopeless before the wrath of destiny. That's just who I am.

Someone once said that 'If you fear success, that you will never succeed at all'. I adore success. I adore every part of it. But attaining that bit of success requires sacrifice, something I just haven't really grasped hard enough I guess. I thought I've grown up, yet, when you look through the window of truth, I realize how bloody insignificant I am compared to the vastness of it all.

A chance... is something you take, because it will take you where you want to go.

But what if, chances will never open for you? Crack the door of Heaven and demand one? Or be that obedient little lamb and wait your turn. Wait it out. Patience. The ever-so-grandiose virtue?

If I'm allowed to be confused and start back at square one, well... pat myself on the back cuz Mr. Silly-Diddly is back where he started.

Lemme tell you something really interesting. Today, I have to admit that UTAR is really testing my patience. Its testing every fibre in my body to quit, get the freaking hell outta there before the darn-ness consumes me. I attended two classes today - English for Management, and the ever so interesting Teambuilding excercise. English... my gawd! Imagine, if you had to start all the way back from square one?! I mean come on! Nouns and Adverbs???? Gimme a f-king break here! I'm not saying its bad. I'm not saying other people in other countries all the around the world do it, nor am I complaining because other people in the same field takin this degree has to face it. Its not that! It's making me question my sanity. My entire being! What the darn hell am I doing here!? Why the f am I wasting my time taking down notes on how the f to make f-ing sentences when the f-ing 16 years of my life was spent grinding f-ing grammar, vocab and bookhunts? WHAT THE FAK? Its making me doubt myself more than anything else in the world! The other interesting part is the people there, and that I can understand.

Another question is this. The lecturer gave a presentation that the Eagle, is a symbol of Leadership. I'm not gonna go into details here, but this is kinda like my take. She took the part of it from a video, which symbolized the lion as the representation of strength and spirit, and tat it give others no excuse to disbelieve in themselves (the lion is not the TALLEST, not the LARGEST, not the SMARTEST or most INTELLIGENT, and definitely not the most POWERFUL animal in the jungle, yet the other animals fear him) which I think is beautiful. But the eagle.... the eagle, is the champion of the skies. It has swiftness, it has nurturing abilities, it has strength, sight and most importantly, it can be unmercifully harsh. But to be a leader, don't the emotions, needs and necessities of is followers count? The reason why I kinda objected in class was because the eagle, although it has its pros and might and all, is more or less a solitary animal (don't get me wrong, this has nothing to do with religion). It chooses to build its nest high up in the mountains, isolating itself. Yes, the argument is there - That makes it different from the others, right? And difference is what separates the men from the boys, the eagle from the birdies. But in my point of view, the eagle may have the perfect abilities to hunt and survive, it does not have the ability of affection. It nurtures its young, but only its young. It is kind to the relatives it has, but cruel to its prey. It symbolizes individualism, where only people it chooses to love and connect with is spared from its might and wrath. Only things it likes is taken into its wings and fluttered, while the rest is shun and gradually eaten. The eagle... is a leader. A harsh one, and in this age of democracy (although fading), eagles, well, don't really blend that well as my next choice of a leader, no matter how capable, because its only a matter of time before you get eaten as well.

So it made me think... hard. But the other part of me is telling me 'Hold it, chill. Its not that bad, not yet. Take the time and wait it out. After this, you can finally achieve what you want.'

So I'm not going to give up. Not now, not in the near future. But still.... if this keeps up, its only a matter of time before I go bonkers and do something really insane.


@_______@

Gimme a fakin break....

FE-TG1 video

I've Got Shotgun

Now I get what it means.

This expression comes down from the days of horse drawn wagons and coaches where on journeys through unsafe areas someone would sit next to the driver holding a weapon (sometimes literally a shotgun). When someone "calls shotgun" they are claiming the front passenger seat. There are rules about when and how you can "call shotgun". The most common rule is that you must be within sight of the car. "Calling shotgun" is an informal practice whereby friends can decide who will sit where without an argument.

1st sem results were out

Seriosuly wtf.... If u wanna make an online attaintment of results then get a blardy darn server that freakin works damit! Utar... ish....

Yea... The results were out. 3 messages, one msn and a call later, I woke up. 11.30 am. Zzzz.

Waited for 10 mins for the page to load. Zzzzzz

Another 5 mins. Zzzzz

Finally entered Login page. Zzz o....ok....

Logining in..... Error. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This went on for another few minits. 3rd try got in. (countless curses and swearing later).

And the results were...

Zzzzz..... 3.68. Wtf. Dam 7 many A-. I need to go and fly kite.

Duwan study d. Emo d. Deng....

PS: Sorry bout the rather casual accent. xDDD

Game Theory

Haha. Got nothing better to do so was doing some reading online. And it just so happens I got to this site about the game theory that we recently studied on. So just wanted to post it up so the people resting in Penang, Melaka, Johor and KL don't slack off (yes... I'm talking about u FETG-1ians). The site featured the Prisoner's Dilemma game.

Like we we did in da economic chaps, the situation is more clearly defined by: 'two players are partners in a crime who have been captured by the police. Each suspect is placed in a separate cell, and offered the opportunity to confess to the crime.'

And then we have the ever-so headacheable Payoff Matrix:

	not confess	confess
not confess	5,5	-4,10
confess	10,-4	1,1

Now, as we already know, the higher the numbers, the higher the utility (or freedom merits). So, if both prisoners do not confess to the crime, alas, they both go free - thus the 5,5 equilibrium. However, there is a catch (as repeated over and over again by Winnie and Cheng You cuz I never went to class.. xD) - if one of the two prisoners actually confess, they will be selling the other person out. The confessor gets the entire 10 utility whereas the one who did not confess gets all the blame, thus the -4 util. If both of them confess, however, they will both be given a reduced term in prison (better something than nothing at all).

Now, lets leave morales and personal intentions aside. It has already been known that this game relates heavily with economic theorists, for several reasons:

1st of all. It can be substituted with a variety of important situations, for example using 'for common good' or for 'personal gain' instead of the Prisoner Dilemma game. This can be associated with basic economic problems, for example, building a bridge. It is best for everyone if the bridge is built, but it is best for an individual if someone else did the building for them. It can also be used to describe two firms competing in the same market (ok... this is the part we've been talking about so many times before), by labelling the dimensions as 'set low price' and 'set high price'. Now, while it is best for consumers if both the firms set a low price, but, it will be best for both individual firms if the other sets a relatively higher price in orer to sacrifice some of thier market share for the other party's gain.

Secondly, it is self-evident as to how rational a person should be. it doesn't matter what the suspect expects his partner to do (referring back to the PD game), it is always better to confess. Why? Because of the odds. If his partner confesses, he gets 10 instead of 5. If his partner doesn't confess, he gets 1 instead of -4. Then if you both confess, its a sure dead-drop 1. The chances of getting either 10 or 1 is deliberately more sensible than risking a -4 because you 'believe' in your partner. This becomes the common question that befalls many economic problems about individual and public interests.

Thirdly, is that it will change significantly if it is repeated, or if the players ever meet each other again in the future. Now, lets say the first game is over, and they are both set free or released from jail after serving their terms. Lets say now they committed another crime and were brought back to the same situation, and then round 2 is played. This time, both suspects will ought to surrender and confess. They might reason in the first round that the partner will not sell them out. But after round 1, the prisoners already know what their partner is like, or what they will do again if they were brought back into the same situation. So, this repetition makes it possible for new rewards or punishments.

Now, I got this part here right off the net, by David K. Levine, and its called the Pride Game. Its kinda more complicated as he brings in the 'pride' factor into the game theory. But this is really interesting.

If We Were All Better People The World Would Be A Better Place

Let us start with a variation on the Prisoner's Dilemma game we may call the Pride Game.

	proud	not confess	confess
proud	4.0, 4.0	5.4, 3.6	1.2, 0.0
not confess	3.6, 5.4	5.0, 5.0	-4.0, 10.0
confess	0.0, 1.2	10.0, -4.0	1.0, 1.0

The Pride Game is like the Prisoner's Dilemma game with the addition of the new strategy of being proud. A proud individual is one who will not confess except in retaliation against a rat-like opponent who confesses. In other words, if I stand proud and you confess, I get 1.2, because we have both confessed and I can stand proud before your humiliation, but you get 0, because you stand humiliated before my pride. On the other hand, if we are both proud, then neither of us will confess, however, our pride comes at a cost, as we both try to humiliate the other, so we each get 4, rather than the higher value of 5 we would get if we simply chose not to confess. It would be worse, of course, for me to lose face before your pride by choosing not to confess. In this case, I would get 3.6 instead of 4, and you, proud in the face of my humiliation would get 5.4.

The Pride Game is very different than the Prisoner's Dilemma game. Suppose that we are both proud. In the face of your pride, if I simply chose not to confess I would lose face, and my utility would decline from 4 to 3.6. To confess would be even worse as you would retaliate by confessing, and I would be humiliated as well, winding up with 0. In other words, if we are both proud, and we each believe the other is proud, then we are each making the correct choice. Morever, as we are both correct, anything either of us learns will simply confirm our already correct beliefs. This type of situation - where players play the best they can given their beliefs, and they have learned all there is to learn about their opponents' play is called by game theorists a Nash Equilibrium.

Notice that the original equilibrium of the Prisoner's Dilemma confess-confess is not an equilibrium of the Pride game: if I think you are going to confess, I would prefer to stand proud and humiliate you rather than simply confessing myself.

Now suppose that we become "better people." To give this precise meaning take this to mean that we care more about each other, that is, we are more altruistic, more generous. Specifically, let us imagine that because I am more generous and care more about you, I place a value both on the utility I receive in the "selfish" game described above and on the utility received by you. Not being completely altruistic, I place twice as much weight on my own utility as I do on yours. So, for example, if in the original game I get 3 units of utility, and you get 6 units of utility, then in the new game in which I am an altruist, I get a weighted average of my utility and your utility. I get 2/3 of the 3 units of utility that belonged to me in the original "selfish" game, and 1/3 of the 6 units of utility that belonged to you in the "selfish" game. Overall I get 4 units of utility instead of 3. Because I have become a better more generous person, I am happy that you are getting 6 units of utility, and so this raises my own utility from the selfish level of 3 to the higher level of 4. The new game with altruistic players is described by taking a weighted average of each player's utility with that of his opponent, placing 2/3 weight on his own utility and 1/3 weight on his opponent's. This gives the payoff matrix of the Altruistic Pride Game

	proud	not confess	confess
proud	4.00, 4.00	4.8, 4.20*	0.80, 0.40
not confess	4.20*, 4.80	5.00, 5.00	0.67, 5.33*
confess	0.40, 0.80	5.33*, 0.67	1.00*, 1.00*

What happens? If you are proud, I should choose not to confess: if I were to be proud I get a utility of 4, while if I choose not to confess I get 4.2, and of course if I do confess I get only 0.4. Looking at the original game, it would be better for society at large if when you are proud I were to choose not to confess. This avoids the confrontation of two proud people, although of course, at my expense. However, as an altruist, I recognize that the cost to me is small (I lose only 0.4 units of utility) while the benefit to you is great (you gain 1.4 units of utility), and so I prefer to "not confess." This is shown in the payoff matrix by placing an asterisk next to the payoff 4.2 in the proud column.

What should I do if you choose not to confess? If I am proud, I get 4.8, if I choose not to confess I get 5, but if I confess, I get 5.33. So I should confess. Again, this is marked with an asterisk. Finally, if you confess, then I no longer wish to stand proud, recognizing that gaining 0.2 by humiliating you comes at a cost of 1 to you. If I choose not to confess I get only 0.67. So it is best for me to confess as well.

What do we conclude? It is no longer an equilibrium for us both to be proud. Each of us in the face of the other's pride would wish to switch to not confessing. Of course it is also not an equilibrium for us both to choose not to confess: each of us would wish to switch to confessing. The only equilibrium is the box marked with two asterisks where we are both playing the best we can given the other player's play: it is where we both choose to confess. So far from making us better off, when we both become more altruist and more caring about one another, instead of both getting a relatively high utility of 4, the equilibrium is disrupted, and we wind up in a situation in which we both get a utility of only 1. Notice how we can give a precise meaning to the "world being a better place." If we both receive a utility of 1 rather than both receiving a utility of 4, the world is clearly a worse place.

The key to game theory and to understanding why better people may make the world a worse place is to understand the delicate balance of equilibrium. It is true that if we simply become more caring and nothing else happens the world will at least be no worse. However: if we become more caring we will wish to change how we behave. As this example shows, when we both try to do this at the same time, the end result may make us all worse off.

To put this in the context of day-to-day life: if we were all more altruistic we would choose to forgive and forget more criminal behavior. The behavior of criminals has a complication. More altruistic criminals would choose to commit fewer crimes. However, as crime is not punished so severely, they would be inclined to commit more crimes. If in the balance more crimes are committed, the world could certainly be a worse place. The example shows how this might work.

Now I know its really confusing, but the conclusion is this - if we choose to actually think about another person's needs and how they feel, then yeah... the world will be a better place.... and its a proven GAME theory.

PS: Copyright of David K. Levine, Department of Economics, UCLA, taken and edited from levine.sscnet.ucla.edu

Movie Nite

=_=

Some dude 'sin ka' me last night. I heard over the phone:

'Eh we go watch a korean ghost movie later.'

Yea it was korean. About pigs tough.

=_=

Lol. But it was still kinda fun, compared to rotting at home. Iko, Robson, CC and Kwok went as well. Well the meeting was unusually short though. 1.30 all wanted to b ad. T.T

Lolz. Good to see you all though. Had fun.

Ok. Back to rotting.

Brother!!!

I've been to your blog for the first time today. And lol.... the moment I got there I was welcomed with this really nice music, and a huge title saying.... it's really touching... T.T

brother ,i am supporting you!!!

Hey Cheng You! Thx man! For being there for me when I needed a friend.

PS: I still beat you 7-0... xDDDDDDDDDDD

Being Something Your Not

Its not always simple being yourself. Maneuvering every corner of life challenges, balancing seemingly tough and yet endless decisions of whats right and whats wrong, seeing time fly by before you and before you know it its too late to turn back.

This entire semester break made me think. Being yourself is important. Really it is. But what if 'yourself' isn't what the world is looking for? What if what you have always been proud of and happy about, will one day be the same things that will drag you down, make you unhappy? I'm not questioning anything. I've been myself all this w

hile and I'm really satisfied about everything I've ever had and received but I just want to ask if.... well.. if.....

This road your taking just isn't what you intend it to be? Happy... yet... Deceitful. Promising.. yet the Promises never come true. Believing.. yet Doubting.....

If all that doesn't make sense then let me put it down in the simplest form I can:

Is it necessary to give up one to get another?

Even if it means the 'ones' are the things you cherish the most in this world? Even if it means putting all that you believe in behind you? All in the name of getting closer to what you want... what you intend to achieve.....

Some would say 'Then it depends on how much it weights. How much its worth to you.' Well I can tell you its worth everything in this world. But the price to pay... well.... defies everything I've ever believed in till now. A part of me tells me to go for it. To change everything I know, trust and believe. But the other part of me just cant let myself go.

I've always been well... satisfied.. not happy with the way things are. But still... if I have to trade all that comfort for a world of denial, lies and games of cloak and dagger... then... I.... I don't know. Most of the times I come to questions like this my answer would always be to forget it, because I'm happy the way I am. Fact is... I'm not... sure.

This is it then huh? The part where I start to grow up and make those insanely tough decisions?

Making me question and doubt myself so much... it's just... man.... I don't know what to think.

Is this the right thing to do?

The world is my chessboard, but I've yet to learn the rules, let alone play the game. I've been delaying myself. Telling myself to reconsider. To ask myself again and again.

Its got to end.... somehow.

Till then... Will it make me a better person... or show myself a part of me I've never seen before?

Lesson learnt. It begins. Now.

Phew... Reading reading...

Its gonna be another lazy holiday if I don't get something onto my hands and start... OooOOOooohhhhhh!!! Books!

So I got myself to Borders today and got them. Cost me loads but it's kinda worth it. Really good reads. xDDD

lalala~ Will get bak to blogging soon. Wanna read now... Wakakakaka!!

From Kampar Back to Kl...

I feel soooo bad that I've been busy updating my ife in Kampar that well... I guess its time to face reality and get back to the life in KL ...(for 3 weeks anyway.. xDDDD then I can leave u suckers and go hav fun again wakakakakakaka!!!) Lolz. Kiddin.

So I'm juz gonna post ithere first... I'll add in the words later. Wanna go makan now. Wakakak!! CHiaos.