Kampar Lo!! xDD

Arrived at Kampar today!!! Dam 7 tired... >.< I'll post the stuff tomorrow. xD No pics summore. I had to forget to bring my camera. T.T

It was fine all through the journey. Hot, stuffy and sticky. I'll sparethe detals later. But here's some scrape: GG.

To get around, no more green Myvi T.T I hav to cycle. I have a roomie. I live on the third floor. The lines laggy. Chicken rice here cost RM2.80. And its just great!!! xD


K.

Nite nite.

ps: To my lil critics, this is the shortest post ever. Happy? xD

A Cola can~

Cleared my head lately. Got alot of the bad mojo mumbo jumbo outta my skull, and I have to tell u, it feels awesome! I can think smoothly again! xDD


Recently... I know a lot of people think I got emo / emotional. Yea.. ok I admit I did. But it wasn't entirely the fault of others. You see.... I have been, how do I put it, unsensitive. Towards the people I know, people I care about... *swt??* my cousins are staying over at my place... lolz. Farny thing juz happened... a stinkbug got into thier room. LOLZ.* And I know apologizing and feeling sorry for myself just makes things worst. The fact is... I have. I've been blaming the world so much that I haven't been able to see that the true demon was residing in me all along.


Well... I crushed that little demon. Well at least I hope I did.


The past few days was thrilling to say the least. We went on couple more 'outings' with our RO frens. My cousin, Tong Yuan (edible? Dunno...) stayed at my place for a few days. So I guess I might as well take the dude out for some fun. His exams were over anyways. Pavillion was the first on the list. xD Went for a SUPERB movie (thx to iko T.T). We enjoyed a whooping 2 hrs plus of the hit-mega blockbuster thriller chiller, Mongol.

Mongol - loved the atmosphere and sounds effects. sweet~

THe kid in the wooden holder is the future Ghengis Khan, see the fire in his eyes!! Rawr!



=.=''



Ok I overexaggerated. It was kinda boring actually. But it wasn't all that bad. A life-story about Ghengis Khan and warfare, betrayal, friendship, and trust. C'mon! Hu am I kidding?! I'm a guy! We love war and violence. xDD Then it was lunch at the food court (Hot spicy Kimchi Noodles), and the night ended in us wasting time at the Times Square Arcade, shooting zombies, banging drums and stuff. (Ok... I'm still camera shy, so no pics. Blehh~)



It was somewhere around here that reality struck. Somehow.. I felt.. lost. Like I was drifting away from what I really am. And being together with frens was supposed to be something happy and merry. But there was nothing merry about it that day. Something from my past was back to haunt me. A starnge feeling I get everytime I get too .... well, close... A fear. A fear that I'll mess up again, and my world will come crashing down. Like before. A fear of loss.



Well, the next big thing was steamboat at Subang Jaya. By then, my mood was already swaying aimlessly. I didn't know wat to think, or wat to do. But I tagged along anyway. The moment we arrived at Iko and Reen's house. Something really tragic happened. T.T Robson banged his new whittie against the gate, knocking down the house's pipeline, the iron grid around it, and smashing his right-side lamp, his bumper and cracking a part of his hood. Ouch!!

















We were like wth?? Cant imagine wat Rob's reaction was like. =.='' Real sorry bradder...



So the steamboat was moderate I guess.... Well, I have to be honest, the food wasn't much (expect the hotdogs, they were great!! xDD). But throughout the food, the fun and the laughs, that stupid feeling came back at me again. Its like... Realising this is not going to last. That all this? Its just an illusion. You're just going to wake up one day and find that all this is going to be no more than a dream. That's how all this emotional jizz came about. I fear the loss. I fear losing frens that I came to adore and get close to. Okok.. a touch bit over-emo here, but seriously... Its not just this RO gnag. Its not CC, Mok, Ck and Rob. Its all of this. Everything I've come to know. All the people that I've got to know through the years. THe same people who actually gave a dam about mua. That's why I felt this way.




Until the other day. I got home from the steamboat feeling really blue. I felt like I was going to be sick. Nothing was going to cheer me up at all. THen, I ran my finger against some of my old stuff. I saw the pictures. I saw the letters, the notes. Every bit of me. Every little thing that seemed insignificant, but it was enough to make me smile. Somewhere along the line, a really good fren of mine MSNed, just to know how I was feeling. If I felt blue. Hope she's doing fine too, though I know she always will. xDD I smsed a senior of mine, and got some really good advise (thx Truth, although I din expect much, that was surprising. xD). Even a little nudge and a little joke from a fren made me tickle and laugh. (Thx Kwok. Can't praise u or u'll get overhead, I know. But wat the hell. I feel generous. xD)




So I got the picture. Even though it looks like it was the end. I wasn't alone at all. Maybe I wanted myself to believe it was going to be a bad thing. Maybe because I felt it was too hard to let go. Maybe because the people that I had hope for for answers gave me more problems and questions instead. The same people I thought I could count on, made me continue to guess and wander in the darkness. I never realised that there were always going to be others that were willing to share a little of my burden. However small. And it means a lot to me. THx. A lot.




Well... I guess its a fact then. I believed in people too easily huh? @______@



Well I loosened up a little, and things got a lot better. Friday night. Its one of those nights taht you juz cant forget. A night juz like when we all first met. No quarrels. No fights. All equals. CC got his salary, and he was all-too-generous in belanjaing all of us to dinner at Old Town. xDD THXXXX That bowl of curry laksa tasted extra good. e2e2 Kwok got lost somewhere in the woods, but joined us anyway. We laughed, joked and talked about everything. That felt really funny. Because for once, I actually felt that 'pressure' lifted off my shoulders. It was genuine conversation, and we all had fun. After that, it was boys' night. Huhu~ (insert evil expression here).


We went for a nice game of Counter Strike at Orange. 3 on 3. Awesome battle. Kwok, my cousin and I on the Counter side. Mok, Ck and CC at the other. (Rob sneaked away from us half way and got home. Ahem... Details confidential. *wink*) Again, a fight I won't forget. Kwok 'acted noob' in the early stages, so the score was somewhere around 32 to 14. T.T Then juz when u think u were losing, adrenaline starts to pump up. Lol. Hu says all those training with the M4 Maverick was a waste of time. I pulled off numerous 1 hit KOs on CK and NEONNNNNN. I don't know how. I just got the hang of it. Kwok the 'nub' was sudden;y the 'pro'. Instant kills everywhere. He even stole all my kills in some rounds. It was great fun. My cousin also played a big part. He trained with the 3-2. Or submachine gun. So using an AK was easy meat for him.
Kwok's score sored from 84 to 144 in just a couple of rounds, and our overall scroe was 50-44 to 83-97. Kewl huh? We won, but NEOOON (Mok) was still, as he calls it, the MVP (Most Violent Player).



So what could be better? A fine, night out with buddies that didn't end up in a sore fight. And I loved it. I had a good night sleep.



Life's now like... a cola can. Corny huh? But corny works fer me. Just think about it.



One fine day in April, you were crafted, shaped, canned and created into a little cola can. A cola can no different from the other milllion created in every factory around the world. The standards, the colours, the labels.. it all had to fit perfectly, or well.. you were rejected stock. Spoilt goods. And yet.. you passed the first stage.



Next, you get shelved. Some make it to the high end hyper-mega marts. Others hit the grocery stores, markets, convenient stores, factory outlets, minimarts, micro marts, charity sales. ANd there u'll stay. Regrigerated and kept cool, or stocked up, depending on the ambiance, the surroudning, the climate.



ANd after a while, someone's gonna pick you up. Or u'll begin to see other being picked up. SOme will be ahead of u, in the front displays. Some hit the back. Some unlucky ones will never make it, and end up as year-end sale goodies, or giveaways. But u'll be anxious to get picked up. Because its an adventure.



Its fresh. Its new. U dunno wats gonna happen. So the thrill of it begins. This is ur prime, where u make urself useful. U make people happy. U empty all u've got, u giv it ur best. U satisfy and u pleasurise. U bring refreshment on a hot, sunny day; or sooth the thirst of a poor dried-up soul. U become the topic of discussion, a conversation starter. And people want u. They crave for you. And then... suddenly, you're all out.



We don't know when, we don't know how. But you're all out... of that sweet, sweet nectar. U no longer provide that fizzy goodness or sugarrush anymore. U become, well.. another empty can. Useless. Retired. Junk. Trash. And u get thrown away.




A Cola can~ While it lasts~


Make the best out of it, cuz u only hav one lifetime...


And there won't be any second chances if you screw this one up.






Peace out.

OMG

Its happenin again.... T.T There's a part of me that I so really really want to forget.... But I think its back to haunt me. Zzzzz

Life is about living to the fullest.

I'm living mine to the foolest.

No thx to some ppl....

Need time to find myself again.

AFK
(Away-From-Keyboard until I've done my reality check)

Stole this from Eric's bloggy, ^^
Don't compare ur life with someone elses. You Don't know what they've been thru.

Its Bt U Again... I Giv Up...

I'm sorry. I apologize. Cuz to me, its like a thousand strings of sincerity that I feel oblieged to giv when I hav, may hav, or might hav hurt someone, or done something wrong. So whatever it might be, and because generousity shall never, and I mean never be in your vocabulary, here's my apology.

Because u cant step to ur level of reality.

Because diff ppl hav diff ways of expression, and sorry is not part of yours.

Because 'Two goats were trying to cross a log. But each didn't want to make way for the other. In the end, they both were supposed to fall into the lake. But because the goat at one of the sides didn't want to die, cuz its not worth it, no matter how the other goat was charging at him mercilessly and relentlessly, it gave in. And the story ended.'

Because 'paying on ur behalf, setting things up for ya, being thr when u needed a fren and doing 10001 things you were never grateful about and all u have to say about it was a small insignificant favour that in my turn I would hav oblieged to do no matter the cost' was never enough.

Because 'sorry seems to be the hardest word'

Because ur perfect in ur world, and everyone's the blame.

Because we now noe wat kind of unappriciative-unsensetive and untrustable person u r.

Because the light has been shown and finally revealed is the demon in human's clothing.

Because I'm just sorry I never thought u were unable to accept, but rather choose to blame and bend the truth.

Because I feel sorry for u.

Because I feel sorry for whoever felt sorry for u.

Because u want to hear wat u want to har, and when ppl tell u the weaknesses and flaws, u shun them away. Cuz ur PERFECT, aint u?

Because ur dam lucky to hav other people to stand up for urmisdeeds.

Because I never will be u.

And I'm grateful for that.




SO tell u wat...

U'll never hav me thr for u again. Sorry bout tat.

ps: its not hu's fault or watever... because u chose the last minute to tell the facts, and it caused us a huge burden. U always did. U crossed the line, but said the line was drawn on the wrong dimensions. U broke the vase, and hell yea the cat did it. U chopped down that little apple shrub by the lawn and Abraham Lincoln helped u ADMIT IT! N u noe wat? U didn't care. Its all U,U, and U, aint it? As long as Ur alive, we're better off dead. As long as ur the one, the rest is history. AS LONG AS U ARE IN, IT DOESNT MATTER IF WE'RE ALL OUT. So continuing saying u were innocent. Blame ppl for promising wat u never said or did. It might be true. We won't know. Or better. We never will noe, huh? Weight the facts, judge urself b4 u judge others. N the best part... tell it to my face. Going about it in the shadows and 'hope u'll understand?' O yea.. I understand alright. I understand the real deal about u, brother. Yea... they hear u. They do. But tats what they potray. Deep inside... we know how they feel. U sure love to help huh? Look at the help u got us all into. Remember this. Ur not the sole-restruction of salvation that only u can save everyone. Ur just like everyone else. We can find our own way. We just trusted that u would lead us. And it seems that trust will never be again. U chose this road, my fren. U n u alone. No one forced u unto it. So this time, I choose mine....

Ragnarok Online... Hey I'm Done

Exactly 127 days ago, I was handed a CD by CC. It was any ordinary day. Something most people will expect to be just well, another boring, non-chalant, run-of-the-mill day. Not us. Its December the 4th the same day we achieve liberty from the Overlord called STPM. The same day we felt both elated but at the same time struck in the face by reality. For some, its time to make up for lost time. For others, it was the Holidays, so PaRtAy~~ ANd there were us. 6 people. From the beginning till the end. We were the RO gang.

And no... we're not the nerdy bunch of pimple infested folk with a laptop, 2 dozen rootbeers and a bad attitude. Nah. We were just ordinary frens, doing something we consider extra-ordinary together.

127 days later. I officially wash my hands of the very game that introduced me to 5 other people. The same 5 people I know I can trust for the rest of my life. (Ok fine... I can't help it if my hands get itchy once in a while, but no more hardcore lvling, grinding or hunting fer me.)

Because finally, I achieved everything I started when we began playing xPKserver.

Chars Played:

V@nRyUzUk! - Lord Knight lvl 84

-*-CursedBow-*- - Hunter lvl 94

Oxygen - Priest lvl95

HeiRess - Rogue lvl81

And my pride of the entire career. Jerr~ my lvl 95 clown. xDD

O yes..... the beginning of the MaGnEsIuM saga. Introing eNana, Van and Xenon the origins. xD

It was hilarious at first. Apart from the most 'geng' member of the pack, or the 'taiko', we were considerably noobish. xD Hence the screen shot of us leeching. Leeching - the laziest way to lvl. U place ur char thr for a few hours, get a cup of coffee, read a book, chat MSN and then yay, u lvled.

We all had our very on special traits. MaGnEsIuM was boss, big bro and taiko. Being in his team meant, 'You want listen anot?' 'Don't listen how to kill?'. eNana was the ever act-cute little monk who acts soooo innocnet, but when you get too close, paw! Asura Strike!! Xenon was innitially Neon, a crusdaer, who till now, is still a.. Crusader. Radium was the joker in the group. Very sarcastic, silent but really za tou jokes. And he GG's alot. tritium was the assasin who cant kill. No really. He cant. But tankability second best cuz of his flee rates. Then u get crazy ole-me. DOing wat I do best. Tank. Tank. Loot. GG ppl when I get cards, then Tank again.

From Left - eNana, eColi, tritium, MaGnEsIuM, Radium and tat sesat fella behind.

Well we weren't that dumb. As time went by, we began to get a grasp of the whats, hows and wat to dos. Well, virtually with loads of help from CC and each other. The beginning was tremendously fun-filled. Evertyday was action-packed. We would go explore together. Someone would say 'Hey there this cute little monster in so-and-so map. Lets go kill it.' And it turns out to be an Angeling or Deviling and we all get fried. The most memorable parts of our adventures were the ICE DUNGEON,

Big Bad Ugly Giant getting pummeled by us!

eColi had nothing btr to do... so got free popsicles~

where we always get to say hus the better looter (Well me n trit oni la, cuz we were tanking, until Nana got smart and use party share. Rawr!!). And of course the ever crzy leveling spot, the ANUBIS

C the crazy insane dmg?

Yea... T.T I'm just a peace of bait.. luring it. Waiting to die...

it was really adrenaline rushing, cuz 1 mistake n ur flat on the floor. Just like that.

Well things got more and more interesting from then onwards. From grinding and comporing levels, items, and my fetishes for headgears, Nana n I overtaking each other in turn of levels, and the more we played on, the more we got to know about each other, what we want to do, are we really who we said we were in that 1 1/2 years of STPM together. ANd the truth is, they were much, much more. So then, at last we finally felt we were ready to face the big-bosses in the game. Or MVPs.

The very first MVP, was the ever farny GTB. Golden Thief Bug. Yes. A Bug. Who steals things. N thier boss is made of gold. Yay~

GTB vs Us. Wahahah! No match la!

It was ridiculous, cuz it brought out the real you. Let's say.. I'm a tanker, right, which makes my responsibility eating everything the boss has to throw at you, so that the rest don't get hurt. Then you have the healer, who's job is to focus on healing you so that you don't die from tanking. Then you have the dmg dealers, who are the main key in killing the dam thing so we can all call it a day.

1 false move, and its over.

1 missing piece of the puzzle, and we won't make it. For a bunch of people hu hav rarely played this game to a pro level before, actually being able to come togehter, put our differences aside, and play perfect teamwork. Now that's something I'll never be able to forget. So imagine the estacy when we actually killed the thing. We were like 'Yippy!! Hurray! We did it!' and then the Guild Leader at that time, Truth, aka the Shoutbox, rained on our parade and told us the GTB was the easiest MVP in the game. It took 6 of us to get it done. =.='' Lolx. But it was really sumthing, and that feeling was really warm.

Well, we went even further, killing other powerful MVPs like the Drake, Osiris, bla d bla d bla. But I don't really care what we killed, you know. Everytime one of us has to urge, to, you know, 'Hey, let's go kill this thing.' Its not because we could do it cuz we were good. I mean we stink back then! Lolx. But its that.. that trust and bond between us that says, look, nothing is impossible. I got you guys and Nana with me. No matter what the challenge may be, we can get through it. We might not win, but the fun is enuff for all of us to last a lifetime. And it was true. At the end of the day we will all get back together again, forget all the bad memories, and talk about it. RO really brough the 6 of us together.

From fun to professionalism. That's when reality paid me visit, handed me a ticket to hell, and said, these things don't last forever, you know. As we got better, so were our desires to achieve more and more. We could spend months hunting that 1 card with a drop rate of 0.01%. We could not sleep, not drink or fo out for days, ecause we were hunting enuff chees3 to do 1 quest. Thinking back,I felt kinda silly. As much as I tried, sucedded and managed to get what I wanted in the end, was elated about it and so on, but then when I realised it, it wasn't that worth it at all.

My prode and joy was my +4 Thara Shield. It took me 3 days to what people would take months on end to hunt the card. I was basically the first in the group with the Thara. And I'm still proud about it.

Then came the other stuff. My headgears. xDD The Drake Corsair that we all share. The Puppy headbands. The Hot-Blooded Bandanas. The Pirate Bandanas. I know its silly. But it gave me a purpose. Besides, they were soooo cute!!!

MaGnEsIuM changed hands. Heraus came into the picture, and in an instant, he became one of the best professors in the server. Dang, he was awesome. We would win wars because of his well times Land Protectors. O btw... I'm talking about WOE now, War of the Emperium. xD I dun care if you dun play RO. Its my blog. Blehhh.

The guild wars were the best part of the game besides hunting stuff with frens.

Initially, we pledged our alliance to one of the earliest guilds in the game, Empty. The first few wars were filled with passion and excitement, and... plenty of noobness. 20 members including ourselves, playing seperate roles in order to achieve victory in the name of our guild. In order to get hold of a castle, you had to break through your enemy's defences, and head to a golden crystal called the emperium. If you own the castle, you had to dfend it. If you don't, you break someone elses. So war!!!! And it got even better because your frens were there with you.

War!!!! C the mid flag? Tat's ours xD

After war its reward time!!!!

The leader of Empty at that time was Truth, aka UnExp3ct3d. A really violent fella with a thirst fer vengence whenever he gets a chance. Lolz. Jk la. Only in game though. And a very strict leader. But he cares for his members alot, and from him, I learned alot of things. That when it comes down to war. You listen to 1 and only 1 instruction. Which is true. U need to learn to trust your leaders and thier directions. FOllow them properly and then victory is sealed. GG. But the first few wars weren't much of a fight though. Cuz we had limited members. But still we made our mark, adn had our names up there on the board with the rest of the pro players.

Another character I will never forget is Alleria, or Jian in real life. He was the sifu of my second character, Jerr, which is currently my active char. Alleria was a real pro clown. Scary and we were proud to have him on our team. He was a major part of us, because not noly can he immobilize an entire army, but when in outnumbered situations, he could turn the tables and wipe our enemies out.

Then as time went by, things got emotional and cranky between the admin and some of the players. THere were botting issues, registration issues, and misuse of GM-powers. All which lead to many ppl quiting the server. So, truth and alleria, my two mentors stopped playing. And I had the same idea as well. But because the rest of the gnag wanted to resume, I stayed. It was a litle harder to adjust that time, but by then, we knew what we were doing.

So today, I moved on from Van the tanker to a number of characters, actually most of them belonged to Rob and CC. I finally settled down when I played my Clown, Jerr. That time period was the best, and it still is. It was Jerr that brought me the frens I mentioned in the previous posts. It was Jerr that made me realise that there was more to only 1 function. YOu had to learn to be flexible. Bend the rules a little. See further thatn you could. And most importantly, I learned to overcome fear. Fear will make you hesitate and be confused. Grind it deep within yourself, and you can achieve more.

5 guys and 1 missing lady champion off killing something....... T.T

And because... for once, I made it to the top of the tables. Even for a short while. It really boosted up my confidence alot. And the best part, it made you feel useful. People needed you around them. People acknowledged how important you were. You were part of sumthing. And without you, we as a whole could never have made it.

And that's my story, and what I hav gained from a simple game.

I might hardly be returning to play soon, but I will when I get the chance to. THx fer the memories. xD

PS: Alleria I beat ur ranking d!!!! xDDD

Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!

So my gaming in RO, all those crazy chases is over. Aha. Back to getting rdy fer Kampar!!

Jodi Picoult's - Change of Heart

I'm telling u..... Its one of the best-most-awesomest books I've come across. A real page turner. Lolx. Got this when I went book hunting in Times Square a month ago I guess. Grabbed my attention right away. (Would have finished it sooner if it wasn't for those stupid games. I mean RO?? pft... T.T dam i'm a sore loser)

Synopsis:
Shay Bourne - New Hampshire’s first death row prisoner in 69 years – has only one last request: to donate his heart post-execution to the sister of his victim, who is looking for a transplant. Bourne says it’s the only way he can redeem himself…but with lethal injection as his form of execution, this is medically impossible. Enter Father Michael Wright, a young local priest. Called in as Shay’s spiritual advisor, he knows redemption has nothing to do with organ donation – and plans to convince Bourne. But then Bourne begins to perform miracles at the prison that are witnessed by officers, fellow inmates, and even Father Michael – and the media begins to call him a messiah. Could an unkempt, bipolar, convicted murderer be a savior? It seems highly unlikely, to the priest. Until he realizes that the things Shay says may not come from the Bible…but are, verbatim, from a gospel that the early Christian church rejected two thousand years ago…and that is still considered heresy.

Ok I got that from the website. But the fact is, how many books actually lets you ask questions about what u believe in and waht you don't. It makes us wonder what seems right might not have been that way, that what we seek is sometimes within ourselves, waiting to be unleashed, if you giv it a chance. In the book, the author describes Shay Bourne as the ultimate evil, a convict who murders 2 innocent individuals - a 7 year old girl and her stepfather, a New Hampshire law enforcer. And as his time comes to a close (he's gonna dieeeee wakakakakaka), he seeks help for one last request - to donate his heart to the sibling of the 7 year old he murdered, who suffers from a sever heart disorder.

Now it made me think. Hu in the right mind would actually take the heart of a convicted murderer? Especially the same one who take away the live of her daddy and sister. Its just sickening and plain wrong. But to Shay, its the only way he could redeem himself f for what he has done. And the dillemma is on the shoulders of June, the mother and now widow of the terrible inccident. And its painful. How do you choose between the life of your child, and to realise the only way to save it is to take the very heart that generated taht evil intent that took your loved ones away from you?

It was unfair that she had to endure such pain and utter bitterness because of the actions of that one man. How I loathed him. He was a selfish, ignorant bastard that deserved to die. Rot in hell. As the story develops, I was introduced to the miraculous side of Shay Bourne (I din really care, I hated him . Blehh). For some reason, he was able to turna piece of bubble gum into many pieves and share it with his cell-mates. He change the piping water into alcohol. He cured a man who was sick with AIDS and was about to die. That was the moment religion kicked into the screen. People began to believe he was the messiah, the savour. Because of the resemblances of these events to what was said in the Bible. Others called him a reincarnation of pure evil itself, driving people away from thier faith.

And the two people running the show were a priest, Michael Wright and an attorney, Miss Maggie Bloom. Somehow, they could'nt see the logic in it. Shay was a convicted murderer. But to his death he had wanted his heart to be donated. By hook or by crook. And persuaded, the two agreed to help make his voice heard. Father Michael had a job to do. He was apointed Shay's spiritual advisor, and made him bring himself to be forgiven and such. But as time passed, Shay began to quote phrases unheard in the Bible, and began to question what Father Michael believed in. So did Michael himself. And Maggie, well... she's a character that lightens up the mood. She kinda brings life to the story about a deathman waiting to die and a priest with a Bible. Her efforts to convine the state to overule the death sentence upon Shay Bourne with lethal injection but with hanging instead, was met with loads of hardship and obstacles. But she persevered, and that made the story worth reading. And it was reather amusing too.

As it goes on, things get worst. Michael's faith trully gets tested. So much so to a point where he begins to ponder if he is serving in the right direction. So much so that he begins to believe, that, well, Shay was indeed the messiah. That he was the same reincarnation that would end all the ignorance. That, until he uncovered the Gospel of Thomas. The ancient scripture that bequestioned his faith. Something Shay could not have seen and heard, but it is the very words that had been quoted over and over again.

But the truth kinda made me jump, you know.. za tou..... Shay Bourne was innocnet. He never really murdered the kid and her stepfather. He was saving her. From molest. From enduring shame. 'She was better off dead...' But even till the end, he never wanted the truth to be told. He was willing to die, for the sake that June will never have to know what her husband was like. To know that he had died with dignity, as a protector and as a valiant man. He was ready to trade his life, for her comfort to never have to take the shame, the blame and pay the price for her husband's sins. And he did it because he never wanted to see Claire suffer. Kinda by accident, really...

So in the end, an innocent man was hung in the gallows, an officer who molested his stepdaughter died as a hero and a savour, the girl got the heart she needed, and no, Shay was not the messiah. But he was something more than that. He was a message. That even in a world full of lies and pain, it is what you wish to uphold, that will make you what you are in the end. It doesn't have to mean you have to live up to everyone's expectations, but do what you feel is right. Because in the very end. You are what you want to be. And waht you are willing to hold up and defend till your last breath.

Touchy-feely, huh? But seriously. I dun do acceptable reviews at all. So go get 1 of these off the shelves or borrow it from your peers if you're tat cheap. GG. Its a real good read.

At least I learned to trust in yourself. Because not everything you see is waht you should believe. There are two sides of a coin. Its up to you if you still consider what you believe in as the true side, or you are willing to take a look at both before you make up your mind.

The World Revolves Around [ ]

Its hard to say where to start. My days are turned to nights by now, so my timing is all out. Waking up at 3 - 4 pm is definitely not the best way to start a day. Especially not with a headache, both your parents at your neck and your dignity stripped away from u. Cuz u finally did it. Ur the official loser in the house. T.T

The World Revolves Around Me
I had the most unentertaining day of the week. Broke my quota to sit down n turn the pages of my economics textbook to continue playing RO. It was the most outragous and idiotic decision I've made all day. First of all, it did me no good. I felt re-addicted to it. Secondly, I got real bad firing from dad cuz 'Its a bloody waste of time.' 'It doen't bring food to the table' and 'Look at yourself!'. Thirdly, I feel like a real ass. Here I am trying to make up for lost time, and I'm back in the game? Man was I a dumbass. =.='' Feel like a complete scumbag.

Then at around 10pm, had the urge to call CC out fer supper. Made it to the mamak fer some tea, scones and English bread (teh-tarik 1, teh-o-ice limau 5 and 1 maggi goreng). We talked alot. Bout things we were meant to say. Some things we shud not say, but we didn't anyway. Its wierd, but I prefer to continue talking than head home. Its like home isn't that sweet anyway. No offence, though, mom and dad. Its just not that welcoming anymore. There used to be more listening and less presurre. Hell, watever. This isn't going to change anything anyway. Can't wait for Kampar.

Things we talked about:

1. Naruto. xDDD
2. His violin and Allegro.
3. Secondary lives.
4. Bad memories.
5. Sweet memories.
6. His melodious fren n tat kewl 'Beyond' voice.
7. That ever so cloudy future.

Things we didn't talk about:

1. Backstabbing. GG
2. CC's english essays.
3. How cruel ppl can be at times.
4. How unfair life can be.
5. Naruto n Rock Lee
6. RO
7. How we wish things could have turned out btr.


The World RevolveD Around You
Its hard letting ago that time. But when I think back, it was the best decision and I hav no regrets. There's bigger fish in the sea. But u will always be tat special best. Something no one can ever take away. Nobody Knows It But Me~

Had a real migrane thinking abt what happened. It was the best moment of my life, really. And you were there to make it happen. Thx. Lots. If it still means anything.

The World Revolves Around Everyone but me
Its like a dark empty room with barred windows and locked exits. No room to think. To breath. Its suffocating. Pretencious souls, unconvincing lies, breakable bonds and rusty old excuses make up most of waht we see and here, feel and breath. Undeniable. Yet, thats the foundation our lives and based upon. Well.... that's what I want to consider as phylosophy for the rest of my life. But it doesn;t have to be that way. Its how hard you are willing to try. How far you are willing to outstrech your hand to achive. To break. To believe. To take a stand for what you love and believe in and say to the world 'Hey, back off!', this is who I am and who I will be. So its up to me and what I do with the next timeline set before me.

Somewhere in between I lost my way. Maybe I misread the map. I overturned the compass. I missed the last exit. And I drifted. Not knowing where I was going, and what was to become. But I've been drifting long enuf. Its about time I looked forward to the world and what it has to offer. To harnest its bittersweet nectar. To push my luck against everyone elses. To bring something out of me. Something I can never do as long as I remain the bitter self I am now.

Emo leh..... Tat's going to be the last emo post I'll ever make for myself... From this point on its strive, achieve. See and believe. Trust and learn from every wrong move,every missed step.

Cuz its no-one but me now.

Do or die.

So no more emo.

I'll try sentimental instead. xD

Jiu Shi Ai Ni - David Tao

我 一直都想对你说
I’ve always wanted to tell you

你给我想不到的快乐
You’ve given me happiness beyond belief

像绿洲给了沙漠
Like an oasis in a desert

说你会永远陪着我
Say that you will forever be by my side

做我的根我翅膀
Be my root, my wings

让我飞也有回去的窝
Let me fly and have a nest to return to

我愿意 我也可以
I am willing and I am able

付出一切也不会可惜
To give up everything without any regrets

就在一起看时间流逝
Let’s just be together and watch time pass by

要记得我们相爱的方式
Must remember the way of our love

就是爱你 爱着你
I just love you, loving you

有悲有喜有你平淡也有了意义
With sorrow, with joy, with you even ordinary is meaningful

就是爱你 爱着你
I just love you, just loving you

甜蜜又安心 那种感觉就是你
Sweet and comfortable, that kind of feeling is just you

我 一直都想对你说
I’ve always wanted to tell you

你给我想不到的快乐
You’ve given me happiness beyond belief

像绿洲给了沙漠
Like an oasis in a desert

说你会永远陪着我
Say that you will forever be by my side

做我的根我翅膀
Be my root, my wings

让我飞也有回去的窝
Let me fly and have a nest to return to

我愿意 真的愿意
I am willing, truly willing

付出所有也要保护你
To give up everything to protect youOh

在一起 时间继续流逝
Oh together as time continues to pass

请记得我有多么的爱你
Please remember how much I love youOh

就是爱你爱着你
Oh I just love you, loving you

不弃不离开不在意 一路有多少风雨
Won’t abandon, won’t leave, won’t mind how much wind and rain there’ll be

就是爱你 爱着你
I just love you, loving you

放在你手心灿烂的幸福全给你
I place all of the radiant happiness into the palm of your handsOh

就是爱你爱着你
Oh I just love you, loving you

我都愿意
I’m fully willing

就是爱你 爱着你
I just love you, loving you

要我们在一起
I want us to be together

Baby I'm So Sorry...

真心無奈　多心都為了愛　
我坐在這傻傻的發呆　我仍依賴　
你純純的愛
我心還在　愛你的人還在　
苦苦等 想哭哭不出來　
無心傷害　你應該明白

愛太多空隙　受傷容易　
互信互愛才是唯一
對你的付出　都放在心裡　
我始終這樣珍惜　我怎麼會忘記

Feel so sorry, Baby I'm so sorry...
I never meant, I never meant to hurt you...

無心傷害　你應該明白
Feel so lonely, Baby I'm so lonely

Do you know, I need you to come back
Are you all right, I miss you tonight

真心仍在　與你永不分開　
這一生只願和你相愛　與你同在　
只為你等待愛是純真　愛是無恨　
不在乎怎麼會　痛苦萬分
我真的太笨　不懂心疼
Baby please come back OhYa.

When Its Over

Its over...... Yay~

Its like having tonnes after tonnes of rocks lifted off those sore shoulders of yours. You've been working the mines all your life, and one day.. one fine day a silver ray of light shines through those muddy piles of rubble and sand, and a soft voice speaks to you.. 'Come....' and you follow it. Because for the first time in your life, its over. Its finally over. The nightmare's gone and the shadows that once haunted you has finally let you be. You are free.

And I know I'm free, cuz for once in my life, I am at peace.

Because we don't have to meet again.

Ever.

Even when we do it might be 100yrs down the road, and I've learnt to set aside wats important from wats not, and maybe my hatred and anger has all turned to dust. Maybe....

But for now.. I'm free.