Hoho~ (emo post dun read if ur not up for it)

Supposed to go down Ipoh today for 2012 but uh.... I cant. Makes me remember things... Things I've kept behind me... So... I din go.

It's pretty funny you noe. U tell a lie, and it gets so real u wish it were true. U find meaning to something, risk everything u ever owned to get to that final episode, only to realise it was all for nothing. I'VE PUT U OUT OF HEAD. And that's the way I wish it be. I'm telling myself to let it go. But hey, guess what? I cant. Lol. I just... cant. Its crazy. Its stupid. Its insane. Its pitiful to say the least. Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and what do I see?

I'm not like this... I'm not what I told myself to be. I'm not.. trying hard enuff. What? What the hell's wrong with me? People are getting happier, and what about me? Lol. I stay in one place, telling the whole world 'Check It Out! I Love It Here'. Yea I do... but its not the same anymore. Not when I have to cry at every song, every movie, every freakin picture that reminds me of what was.

I'm losing at this war. Lol. I'm not... me. I laze, I sloth. I wake up every single morning lying to myself, giving myself a reason to just... I dunno... Its hard. I havent looked at anyone. I'm too afraid. Afraid they remind me. Everytime I get too close, that stupid song plays in my head.

U noe.. someone once told me. Every emo post I put up, splits me into two. Guess I'm more than a million pieces now, huh?

Heh.. Spent the entire day getting bitten my mosquitoes, watching Heroes and biting on potato chips. FInished the entire season 2 in one whoop. >.<

Going to have to put my head onto dealing with assignments soon.

I dunno.. I just.. well... feel ackwardly down. All offa sudden. Its like something's being drained out of me. Like I'm hallow... again. Maybe its whats happening around me, seeing people get picked up one by one. Its painful. Sad. Lol. Even pathetic.

Life has meaning. I've found that meaning. I'm working hard towards achieving my goals and desires but... it's just not the same anymore is it? How long am I going to continue to kid myself? Its over. Its not going to be the same again.

I'm well... tired.... of all this. So very.. very tired.....

'Dealing with life is painful at times. But when someone offers you that shining light at the end of the tunnel, what are the odds that you're going to let an opportunity like tat past? But what if.... its all coming at an end? One big roundabout and you're back where you are. Are you going to let it past, like u're telling urself to? Be someone else you're not? I'm losing it. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I strive for. Come to think of it, what the hell am I doing?'

'It Hurts' 1.19AM, standard emo time.