Being Something Your Not

Its not always simple being yourself. Maneuvering every corner of life challenges, balancing seemingly tough and yet endless decisions of whats right and whats wrong, seeing time fly by before you and before you know it its too late to turn back.

This entire semester break made me think. Being yourself is important. Really it is. But what if 'yourself' isn't what the world is looking for? What if what you have always been proud of and happy about, will one day be the same things that will drag you down, make you unhappy? I'm not questioning anything. I've been myself all this w

hile and I'm really satisfied about everything I've ever had and received but I just want to ask if.... well.. if.....

This road your taking just isn't what you intend it to be? Happy... yet... Deceitful. Promising.. yet the Promises never come true. Believing.. yet Doubting.....

If all that doesn't make sense then let me put it down in the simplest form I can:

Is it necessary to give up one to get another?

Even if it means the 'ones' are the things you cherish the most in this world? Even if it means putting all that you believe in behind you? All in the name of getting closer to what you want... what you intend to achieve.....

Some would say 'Then it depends on how much it weights. How much its worth to you.' Well I can tell you its worth everything in this world. But the price to pay... well.... defies everything I've ever believed in till now. A part of me tells me to go for it. To change everything I know, trust and believe. But the other part of me just cant let myself go.

I've always been well... satisfied.. not happy with the way things are. But still... if I have to trade all that comfort for a world of denial, lies and games of cloak and dagger... then... I.... I don't know. Most of the times I come to questions like this my answer would always be to forget it, because I'm happy the way I am. Fact is... I'm not... sure.

This is it then huh? The part where I start to grow up and make those insanely tough decisions?

Making me question and doubt myself so much... it's just... man.... I don't know what to think.

Is this the right thing to do?

The world is my chessboard, but I've yet to learn the rules, let alone play the game. I've been delaying myself. Telling myself to reconsider. To ask myself again and again.

Its got to end.... somehow.

Till then... Will it make me a better person... or show myself a part of me I've never seen before?

Lesson learnt. It begins. Now.