Recently... I know a lot of people think I got emo / emotional. Yea.. ok I admit I did. But it wasn't entirely the fault of others. You see.... I have been, how do I put it, unsensitive. Towards the people I know, people I care about... *swt??* my cousins are staying over at my place... lolz. Farny thing juz happened... a stinkbug got into thier room. LOLZ.* And I know apologizing and feeling sorry for myself just makes things worst. The fact is... I have. I've been blaming the world so much that I haven't been able to see that the true demon was residing in me all along.
Well... I crushed that little demon. Well at least I hope I did.
The past few days was thrilling to say the least. We went on couple more 'outings' with our RO frens. My cousin, Tong Yuan (edible? Dunno...) stayed at my place for a few days. So I guess I might as well take the dude out for some fun. His exams were over anyways. Pavillion was the first on the list. xD Went for a SUPERB movie (thx to iko T.T). We enjoyed a whooping 2 hrs plus of the hit-mega blockbuster thriller chiller, Mongol.
Mongol - loved the atmosphere and sounds effects. sweet~
THe kid in the wooden holder is the future Ghengis Khan, see the fire in his eyes!! Rawr!
=.=''
Ok I overexaggerated. It was kinda boring actually. But it wasn't all that bad. A life-story about Ghengis Khan and warfare, betrayal, friendship, and trust. C'mon! Hu am I kidding?! I'm a guy! We love war and violence. xDD Then it was lunch at the food court (Hot spicy Kimchi Noodles), and the night ended in us wasting time at the Times Square Arcade, shooting zombies, banging drums and stuff. (Ok... I'm still camera shy, so no pics. Blehh~)
It was somewhere around here that reality struck. Somehow.. I felt.. lost. Like I was drifting away from what I really am. And being together with frens was supposed to be something happy and merry. But there was nothing merry about it that day. Something from my past was back to haunt me. A starnge feeling I get everytime I get too .... well, close... A fear. A fear that I'll mess up again, and my world will come crashing down. Like before. A fear of loss.
Well, the next big thing was steamboat at Subang Jaya. By then, my mood was already swaying aimlessly. I didn't know wat to think, or wat to do. But I tagged along anyway. The moment we arrived at Iko and Reen's house. Something really tragic happened. T.T Robson banged his new whittie against the gate, knocking down the house's pipeline, the iron grid around it, and smashing his right-side lamp, his bumper and cracking a part of his hood. Ouch!!
We were like wth?? Cant imagine wat Rob's reaction was like. =.='' Real sorry bradder...
So the steamboat was moderate I guess.... Well, I have to be honest, the food wasn't much (expect the hotdogs, they were great!! xDD). But throughout the food, the fun and the laughs, that stupid feeling came back at me again. Its like... Realising this is not going to last. That all this? Its just an illusion. You're just going to wake up one day and find that all this is going to be no more than a dream. That's how all this emotional jizz came about. I fear the loss. I fear losing frens that I came to adore and get close to. Okok.. a touch bit over-emo here, but seriously... Its not just this RO gnag. Its not CC, Mok, Ck and Rob. Its all of this. Everything I've come to know. All the people that I've got to know through the years. THe same people who actually gave a dam about mua. That's why I felt this way.
Until the other day. I got home from the steamboat feeling really blue. I felt like I was going to be sick. Nothing was going to cheer me up at all. THen, I ran my finger against some of my old stuff. I saw the pictures. I saw the letters, the notes. Every bit of me. Every little thing that seemed insignificant, but it was enough to make me smile. Somewhere along the line, a really good fren of mine MSNed, just to know how I was feeling. If I felt blue. Hope she's doing fine too, though I know she always will. xDD I smsed a senior of mine, and got some really good advise (thx Truth, although I din expect much, that was surprising. xD). Even a little nudge and a little joke from a fren made me tickle and laugh. (Thx Kwok. Can't praise u or u'll get overhead, I know. But wat the hell. I feel generous. xD)
So I got the picture. Even though it looks like it was the end. I wasn't alone at all. Maybe I wanted myself to believe it was going to be a bad thing. Maybe because I felt it was too hard to let go. Maybe because the people that I had hope for for answers gave me more problems and questions instead. The same people I thought I could count on, made me continue to guess and wander in the darkness. I never realised that there were always going to be others that were willing to share a little of my burden. However small. And it means a lot to me. THx. A lot.
Well... I guess its a fact then. I believed in people too easily huh? @______@
Well I loosened up a little, and things got a lot better. Friday night. Its one of those nights taht you juz cant forget. A night juz like when we all first met. No quarrels. No fights. All equals. CC got his salary, and he was all-too-generous in belanjaing all of us to dinner at Old Town. xDD THXXXX That bowl of curry laksa tasted extra good. e2e2 Kwok got lost somewhere in the woods, but joined us anyway. We laughed, joked and talked about everything. That felt really funny. Because for once, I actually felt that 'pressure' lifted off my shoulders. It was genuine conversation, and we all had fun. After that, it was boys' night. Huhu~ (insert evil expression here).
We went for a nice game of Counter Strike at Orange. 3 on 3. Awesome battle. Kwok, my cousin and I on the Counter side. Mok, Ck and CC at the other. (Rob sneaked away from us half way and got home. Ahem... Details confidential. *wink*) Again, a fight I won't forget. Kwok 'acted noob' in the early stages, so the score was somewhere around 32 to 14. T.T Then juz when u think u were losing, adrenaline starts to pump up. Lol. Hu says all those training with the M4 Maverick was a waste of time. I pulled off numerous 1 hit KOs on CK and NEONNNNNN. I don't know how. I just got the hang of it. Kwok the 'nub' was sudden;y the 'pro'. Instant kills everywhere. He even stole all my kills in some rounds. It was great fun. My cousin also played a big part. He trained with the 3-2. Or submachine gun. So using an AK was easy meat for him.
Kwok's score sored from 84 to 144 in just a couple of rounds, and our overall scroe was 50-44 to 83-97. Kewl huh? We won, but NEOOON (Mok) was still, as he calls it, the MVP (Most Violent Player).
So what could be better? A fine, night out with buddies that didn't end up in a sore fight. And I loved it. I had a good night sleep.
Life's now like... a cola can. Corny huh? But corny works fer me. Just think about it.
One fine day in April, you were crafted, shaped, canned and created into a little cola can. A cola can no different from the other milllion created in every factory around the world. The standards, the colours, the labels.. it all had to fit perfectly, or well.. you were rejected stock. Spoilt goods. And yet.. you passed the first stage.
Next, you get shelved. Some make it to the high end hyper-mega marts. Others hit the grocery stores, markets, convenient stores, factory outlets, minimarts, micro marts, charity sales. ANd there u'll stay. Regrigerated and kept cool, or stocked up, depending on the ambiance, the surroudning, the climate.
ANd after a while, someone's gonna pick you up. Or u'll begin to see other being picked up. SOme will be ahead of u, in the front displays. Some hit the back. Some unlucky ones will never make it, and end up as year-end sale goodies, or giveaways. But u'll be anxious to get picked up. Because its an adventure.
Its fresh. Its new. U dunno wats gonna happen. So the thrill of it begins. This is ur prime, where u make urself useful. U make people happy. U empty all u've got, u giv it ur best. U satisfy and u pleasurise. U bring refreshment on a hot, sunny day; or sooth the thirst of a poor dried-up soul. U become the topic of discussion, a conversation starter. And people want u. They crave for you. And then... suddenly, you're all out.
We don't know when, we don't know how. But you're all out... of that sweet, sweet nectar. U no longer provide that fizzy goodness or sugarrush anymore. U become, well.. another empty can. Useless. Retired. Junk. Trash. And u get thrown away.
A Cola can~ While it lasts~
Make the best out of it, cuz u only hav one lifetime...
And there won't be any second chances if you screw this one up.
Peace out.
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