Funny

Its been a full month now. Or so I think it has been. Nothing much has changed for me physically, but mentally I've grown stronger. How do I know? Bcuz I'm back to being the old me.

Old me, new me. I know deep down within myself that they both exist. Because of my insecurity, because of my hunger, my thirst for success. I remember back when I was young, everything was there when I wanted it. I knew nothing, I did nothing. All I ever had to do was study. Life was easy. At the age of 16, however, for the first time, I made a decision, to stand up for what I believed was my own 'path' to follow. Till today, I still wondered if I stood up for the right reasons, if it was even worth it. Everyday was a race to prove myself, to my family, my frens. Then one day, at a time of loneliness and sorrow... He appeared. He was strong, confident, and had the hunger and thirst for perfection. He offered me aid, and I reached out to him. From that moment on, I became stronger, better, faster, more eager, more focused. I saw things I've never seen before, did things I never knew I was capable of. Things became easier. But as time went by, I realised that he had a weakness. Everytime we did something together, he would always go too far. He was obsessive, a perfectionist. He was moody, aggresive, and unstable. But he was powerful. I needed him.

It was then that I realised it was all my imagination. But it was too late. I had 2 people in me right now. The new me - subtle, easy-going, humble and kind. And the old me - aggresive, prudent and strong. But as long as I shifted to the 'old' me, terrible things will happen to myself. Things that go beyond my control.

It took me years, but I managed to keep these 'characters' within me in check. My 'demon' and my 'human' nature. But the world will only get crueller, and the demon side has already bagun to swallow me whole. I hope, that for my own sake, things do not get out of hand.

I don't want my old self to take over again. But I need him. Right now....