Love this song soooo much!!! Thx Alex for intro-ing to me one day after goin to watch 'Sorcerer's Aprrentice' and enjoyin himself.xD jkjk
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
8 Gates of Emotional Control
In ancient Japan, spiritual leaders once believed that men possessed the power to become gods, thru a method called the 8 celestial gates. These gates are within each and everyone of us, and have the ability to open, only with true undersanding, will power, courage and several other requirements and elements that require them to achieve so. By slowly opening these 8 gates, men can achieve the path to heaven and ultimately become heavenly beings themselves.
I dunno, sounds really freaky to me.
But what I do understand is this one thing. The ancient monks of Japan used these as a gradual step to achieving something, which is where I got the idea from. Time and time again, we feel emotions, that sometimes go wild, out of control. Ur first kiss, a first hug, a betrayal, a big loss.. These feelings sometimes erupt and cause devastation to ourselves and the people around us should they go out of hand, because of the lack of control we have over them. Many ways of controlling emotions are out there, including therapy and self-searching, but since I enjoy doing stuff just because it interests me, I guess this can help me in someway or another.
We usually lose control, because according to these people, the 8 gates within us are basically opening without cohesion. Meaning they open at random, when u don't realize it. I dunno bout other people, but I feel the dam same way. I can be very excited one moment, and very down the next moment. I can feel like on top of the world, and the next moment I feel like s***. The monks in ancient Japan used the 8 celestial gates method to actually teach themselves how to gradually open these gate WHEN THEY NEED THEM, meaning having control over your OWN feelings. U can feel happy even when u are sad, feel like ur on top of the world even after a break-up and all that. Sounds like a load of bull, I know, but I'm not interested in the specifics, I just wanna know how I can gain control over my emotions, though... it does sound pretty cool to be able to feel what I want whenever I want to. xDD
Ok. Initially I thought 'that's lying to myself, right?' like self hypnotizing myself to believe that I am happy when I'm sad. But not really. Its all about understanding what ur emotions are really about. Finding out the reason why u CANT be happy, when ur sad. Why u CANT just let go of something and move on. Its a complicated process, but the key is to understand how u feel. And this is the part where many people, especially myself, fail to do all the time. Theoretically, yes, I know its what I should do, but its easier said than done right?
So when I think about it, why not result to this, cuz I'm always interested in stuff like this. xDD The 8 gates begin with the gate of emptiness or void, or ground zero. U can basically call them anything u want to, as long as the idea behind them remains. It allows us to be oblivious to everything that happens around us. Now, most of the time I, even many others,cannot , or have never realized it before, but when we meditate, when we sit down, relax, take a breather after a fight, or when we sit down and think things thru, the 1st gate opens. Some people are going 'bulls***' now but I dun giva ***... xDD Whats important here, is that knowing that there is indeed a gate like this, actually allows us to always remember to go back to the beginning, ground zero, or the point before everything happened, and reflect on the wrong moves u've made. It allows u to think and contemplate about the things to do, the thing that should not have been done, and then, u get answers, faster than anything else. (Zero theory)
The second gate to the seventh gate are not really important to me, because its all gradual stages of understanding the way things work, and eventually achieving things ONE STEP AT A TIME. But what is important, and like what a gud fren o' mine once told me, the world renown motivator, Tony Robbins used a similar method to encourage people to improve themselves. He says 'a penny a day is much easier than trying to aim higher and finding impossible ways to achieve something big in life' He tot me that it was easier to achieve goals step by step, little by little, because it is much easier and requires less effort, and the effects are amazing, cuz u dun realize how much u've achieved after that.
The 2nd to the 7th gate is just to label them according to ur own needs. For example, u can distinguish between what is gate 2 and gate 3 for urself. If I say gate 2 makes me happy, then i need to figure out what is there in gate 3 that can make me happier? If gate 3 makes me a better man, then how do i go on until i reach and become the perfect man, all the way up to gate 7?
So then, I come to gate 8, or the heaven's gate. It starting to sound like a bad naruto rip-off with guy-sensei and all that but hey,I got most of the inspiration from there. xDD The 8th gate is basically the gate which, I would, right now, in my current condition, call it impossible. because gate 8, is the grand finale. It is the final destination. It is the last gate, when u finally and truly understand all of the 7 gates, and most importantly, have the mental ability to access ANY ONE of those gates at your own WILL. That's just kick-ass cool. Its like me going from 50sph to 180sph! (smiles per hour) xDD just kidding. Its like me going from being really sad to bouncing back and be able to let go and get on with life, in a shorter time than most people. What I learned is that if I can have the ability to take my sadness or emotional distresses and then put them away for a while, do things that are more important, and then get back to it later, it will be really swell. Also, I would love to be able to take less damage from emotional distress and that sort of thing, like feeling less pain, because I finally UNDERSTAND what is going on.
So, conclusion is this. I cant do this the normal way, because its boring. So I jumbled up all these really awesome (to me) methods and came up with my own 8-gate theory to suppress my negative feelings and express the good ones. Also to understand my own feelings, my weaknesses, and then gradually be able to grow confident about who I really am and finally portray my strengths at all times.
Void Gate --->Gate 2 ---> Gate 3 --->Gate 4---> Gate 5 --->Gate 6 --->Gate 7 ---> Heaven's Gate
Sounds really funny, but I think we shud learn things in interesting ways, so why not giv it a try. xDD I just hav to label these gates according to what I want them to be, and everytime I feel sad or down all I gotta do is think back, and remember how small the steps were to move from one gate to another and gradually, yet slowly and at a comfortable pace reach the gate that I want to,which the process I hope will be much faster with more practice. ^^
I dunno, sounds really freaky to me.
But what I do understand is this one thing. The ancient monks of Japan used these as a gradual step to achieving something, which is where I got the idea from. Time and time again, we feel emotions, that sometimes go wild, out of control. Ur first kiss, a first hug, a betrayal, a big loss.. These feelings sometimes erupt and cause devastation to ourselves and the people around us should they go out of hand, because of the lack of control we have over them. Many ways of controlling emotions are out there, including therapy and self-searching, but since I enjoy doing stuff just because it interests me, I guess this can help me in someway or another.
We usually lose control, because according to these people, the 8 gates within us are basically opening without cohesion. Meaning they open at random, when u don't realize it. I dunno bout other people, but I feel the dam same way. I can be very excited one moment, and very down the next moment. I can feel like on top of the world, and the next moment I feel like s***. The monks in ancient Japan used the 8 celestial gates method to actually teach themselves how to gradually open these gate WHEN THEY NEED THEM, meaning having control over your OWN feelings. U can feel happy even when u are sad, feel like ur on top of the world even after a break-up and all that. Sounds like a load of bull, I know, but I'm not interested in the specifics, I just wanna know how I can gain control over my emotions, though... it does sound pretty cool to be able to feel what I want whenever I want to. xDD
Ok. Initially I thought 'that's lying to myself, right?' like self hypnotizing myself to believe that I am happy when I'm sad. But not really. Its all about understanding what ur emotions are really about. Finding out the reason why u CANT be happy, when ur sad. Why u CANT just let go of something and move on. Its a complicated process, but the key is to understand how u feel. And this is the part where many people, especially myself, fail to do all the time. Theoretically, yes, I know its what I should do, but its easier said than done right?
So when I think about it, why not result to this, cuz I'm always interested in stuff like this. xDD The 8 gates begin with the gate of emptiness or void, or ground zero. U can basically call them anything u want to, as long as the idea behind them remains. It allows us to be oblivious to everything that happens around us. Now, most of the time I, even many others,cannot , or have never realized it before, but when we meditate, when we sit down, relax, take a breather after a fight, or when we sit down and think things thru, the 1st gate opens. Some people are going 'bulls***' now but I dun giva ***... xDD Whats important here, is that knowing that there is indeed a gate like this, actually allows us to always remember to go back to the beginning, ground zero, or the point before everything happened, and reflect on the wrong moves u've made. It allows u to think and contemplate about the things to do, the thing that should not have been done, and then, u get answers, faster than anything else. (Zero theory)
The second gate to the seventh gate are not really important to me, because its all gradual stages of understanding the way things work, and eventually achieving things ONE STEP AT A TIME. But what is important, and like what a gud fren o' mine once told me, the world renown motivator, Tony Robbins used a similar method to encourage people to improve themselves. He says 'a penny a day is much easier than trying to aim higher and finding impossible ways to achieve something big in life' He tot me that it was easier to achieve goals step by step, little by little, because it is much easier and requires less effort, and the effects are amazing, cuz u dun realize how much u've achieved after that.
The 2nd to the 7th gate is just to label them according to ur own needs. For example, u can distinguish between what is gate 2 and gate 3 for urself. If I say gate 2 makes me happy, then i need to figure out what is there in gate 3 that can make me happier? If gate 3 makes me a better man, then how do i go on until i reach and become the perfect man, all the way up to gate 7?
So then, I come to gate 8, or the heaven's gate. It starting to sound like a bad naruto rip-off with guy-sensei and all that but hey,I got most of the inspiration from there. xDD The 8th gate is basically the gate which, I would, right now, in my current condition, call it impossible. because gate 8, is the grand finale. It is the final destination. It is the last gate, when u finally and truly understand all of the 7 gates, and most importantly, have the mental ability to access ANY ONE of those gates at your own WILL. That's just kick-ass cool. Its like me going from 50sph to 180sph! (smiles per hour) xDD just kidding. Its like me going from being really sad to bouncing back and be able to let go and get on with life, in a shorter time than most people. What I learned is that if I can have the ability to take my sadness or emotional distresses and then put them away for a while, do things that are more important, and then get back to it later, it will be really swell. Also, I would love to be able to take less damage from emotional distress and that sort of thing, like feeling less pain, because I finally UNDERSTAND what is going on.
So, conclusion is this. I cant do this the normal way, because its boring. So I jumbled up all these really awesome (to me) methods and came up with my own 8-gate theory to suppress my negative feelings and express the good ones. Also to understand my own feelings, my weaknesses, and then gradually be able to grow confident about who I really am and finally portray my strengths at all times.
Void Gate --->Gate 2 ---> Gate 3 --->Gate 4---> Gate 5 --->Gate 6 --->Gate 7 ---> Heaven's Gate
Sounds really funny, but I think we shud learn things in interesting ways, so why not giv it a try. xDD I just hav to label these gates according to what I want them to be, and everytime I feel sad or down all I gotta do is think back, and remember how small the steps were to move from one gate to another and gradually, yet slowly and at a comfortable pace reach the gate that I want to,which the process I hope will be much faster with more practice. ^^
Monday, August 23, 2010
I understand now
I now noe... it was not me. I now noe... all this while... that it was me who was the fool. It was me who had done so much to bring ppl together. N now it is me who is suffering in silence. Today, I've come to a decision. I need you no more. No more than the hair on my chest.
For a moment there, I was blinded by what I tot was true, but all I noe now,is that I was used, played with. I gave it everything I've got,and what do I get in return?
There is no longer the need to look back, because everything I've believe in, every hope, every dream, is no longer yours. Every idea I've shared, I'm taking them back. Every nerve, every congratulations, every yearning, every encouragement, everything. I'm forsaking you,and I'mtaking everything back.
I've gone thru my databases today, and the more of the photos I see, the more of the videos I've went through, the more clear I am as to who was wrong, and who was right. Today, it ends. Today, my new dream and my new hopes, taht no longer concerns you, begins.
The day you even begin to realise what you have done, is the day you will understand it is too late.
Because like I once said to you.
'It takes a lifetime to build trust, but only a second to tear it all down.'
I'm angered too deep to turn back the clock. I've no more wishes, no more prayers for you.
'I have, finally, after so many years, another scar on me, but this time, I want it on the front of me, not on my back, because I've got nothing more to hang on to, and there is no disgrace for me to move on.
One day, you will understand. One day, you will realise. And on that day. You will noe... that I have left you.
For a moment there, I was blinded by what I tot was true, but all I noe now,is that I was used, played with. I gave it everything I've got,and what do I get in return?
There is no longer the need to look back, because everything I've believe in, every hope, every dream, is no longer yours. Every idea I've shared, I'm taking them back. Every nerve, every congratulations, every yearning, every encouragement, everything. I'm forsaking you,and I'mtaking everything back.
I've gone thru my databases today, and the more of the photos I see, the more of the videos I've went through, the more clear I am as to who was wrong, and who was right. Today, it ends. Today, my new dream and my new hopes, taht no longer concerns you, begins.
The day you even begin to realise what you have done, is the day you will understand it is too late.
Because like I once said to you.
'It takes a lifetime to build trust, but only a second to tear it all down.'
I'm angered too deep to turn back the clock. I've no more wishes, no more prayers for you.
'I have, finally, after so many years, another scar on me, but this time, I want it on the front of me, not on my back, because I've got nothing more to hang on to, and there is no disgrace for me to move on.
One day, you will understand. One day, you will realise. And on that day. You will noe... that I have left you.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Gurghh..
N da cooking continues... xDD (mashed potatoes)
Went for Robson's bday
Dave n his bragi-ing violin...
Yea... try smiling having to go 4 trips back n forth from Kampar to KL in juz 3 weeks.
N heres a random shot. xDDD
A lot happened recently, but I don't, won't n will not develop the mood to take pics of these events n post it on fb or my blog. 1st of all, my childhood fren, Andrew, just passed away recently. The burn in my heart is tremendous, and I cant help but leak a tear or two at night. His funeral was... how do I put it, something I knew I had to attend. I actually skipped a night's sleep and my midterm exams to attend his funeral. N lemme tell you, I do not regret whatever I had done. It was good to see familiar faces there that day, but it really breaks my heart to see those faces in tears and shattered souls...
I've been doing a crazy amount of trips back to KL as well, almost 4 trips in 3 weeks. There were a couple more I guess, but I kinda lost count. Jian Yin's homecoming, Robson's b'day, etc etc. I'll try to get those updated as soon as I can, but meanwhile, there's the problem of time and the upcoming finals... =.=''''
I'm experimenting with more cooking recipes now, xDD and I have to say its really fun. Juz did a huge spring cleaning today, and adjusted my room a little here and there.
Having several issues within the group here, but thankfully I have REAL frens who would stand up for me when I need them the most. It really tells alot from thier actions, and I'm grateful. Naruto, One Piece and now Fairy Tail marathons completed, waiting for the next big thing.
Self piano lessons, with - u saw right- Aliaric Ruben (If Daniel saw this he would have gone LMAOO), cuz apparently he knows his stuff. haha. I'm saving up for a new phone, and things are getting more and more hectic even as I type. I'm spending my free time adjusting notes, cleaning my room, and playing pool at new town ( really cheap though, heh..)
Oh and just so I don't forget, there was this one time, when I went home to KL, I met my ex-tutor, Mr. Sam, whose African, and he took me to this really awesome place down at Plaza Warisan. Haha. N yeah.. African food babe!!!
Ladies finger with chillies
o this is good... xDD beef stomach!!!!
The goreng pisang of Africa!
Dun let looks fool ya. It looked ordinary to me too, but the taste was really magnificant!!
N this is the table setting. That thingy in the middle is actually flour paste,unlike the rice we take, they take it barehanded, and its really good!
Jake was there as well, but he didn't have the guts to take it all down! Haha. I guess its not for everyone, huh? I liked the pumpkin seeds best (not in pic, too bz munching tat time. xDD), and the beef stomach was really something. Drop me a line, and I'll take u there one day (if u dare. xDD)
Oh yeah, I'm running low on reading amterial too, so if anyone sees this, lemme borrow some books.. =.='' I really need some. Kampar's void of good books. Zzz...
And that's that. Probably going to head back home to KL sometime, but god-knows when. My sis's b'day, mom-n-dad's anniversary, big-uncle's bday... all coming up in september and october. N sis's planning something as well. Well... hope my exams dun clash with these times.. T.T
That's it then. Peace out!
'Men should continue to walk forward, even if they lose a limb, thier sight, thier hearing, thier smell, or thier taste along the way, because god is fair, even if u dun believe in him, and he gives u back ten-fold what he takes away from you, unless u in turn does not deserve it in the first place.' VanRyuzuki -looking back at the old times, but not reminiscing no more, because I promised to live, now ever stronger. Cuz I know you're looking down and blessing me from above. I know u are. ..
Oh yeah, I'm running low on reading amterial too, so if anyone sees this, lemme borrow some books.. =.='' I really need some. Kampar's void of good books. Zzz...
And that's that. Probably going to head back home to KL sometime, but god-knows when. My sis's b'day, mom-n-dad's anniversary, big-uncle's bday... all coming up in september and october. N sis's planning something as well. Well... hope my exams dun clash with these times.. T.T
That's it then. Peace out!
'Men should continue to walk forward, even if they lose a limb, thier sight, thier hearing, thier smell, or thier taste along the way, because god is fair, even if u dun believe in him, and he gives u back ten-fold what he takes away from you, unless u in turn does not deserve it in the first place.' VanRyuzuki -looking back at the old times, but not reminiscing no more, because I promised to live, now ever stronger. Cuz I know you're looking down and blessing me from above. I know u are. ..
Sunday, August 8, 2010
All the small things
A breezy day. TO tell the truth, I cant really tell. I assumed it was breezy through the slightly shaking leaves on the braches of the little green trees right oposite my window, near the basketball court. The court... reminds me alot what he was like. =)
Its still early in the morning, and I'm all dressed up for the final midterm exam. Not sure about the time and all that, but rushing over to meet the teacher anyways.
Someone once told me that 'Death is merely the beginning, never the end'. I'm still having a heard time believing that. Maybe in time, those tears will finally come, but until then, all I can hold within me is an anger, an anger for the harshness of reality. So suddenwas the blow that it caused pain, immense pain in amny people I hold dear. Yet at the same time it brought me a kind of peace, a kind of resolution, the same feeling u get when u finally come to an end of a road, or the tip of a mountain. A kind of... finale.
There is still a long way to go from here. But from here on out, I have one less heart to link to, and it doesnt feel the same no more.
Bless us all... I'll promise I'll be strong. But not now. Now, I'll just let all the emptiness flood me to the brim.
Its still early in the morning, and I'm all dressed up for the final midterm exam. Not sure about the time and all that, but rushing over to meet the teacher anyways.
Someone once told me that 'Death is merely the beginning, never the end'. I'm still having a heard time believing that. Maybe in time, those tears will finally come, but until then, all I can hold within me is an anger, an anger for the harshness of reality. So suddenwas the blow that it caused pain, immense pain in amny people I hold dear. Yet at the same time it brought me a kind of peace, a kind of resolution, the same feeling u get when u finally come to an end of a road, or the tip of a mountain. A kind of... finale.
There is still a long way to go from here. But from here on out, I have one less heart to link to, and it doesnt feel the same no more.
Bless us all... I'll promise I'll be strong. But not now. Now, I'll just let all the emptiness flood me to the brim.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Dear Andrew
Life... and its cycles.
Come to think of it, its awfully sudden.
Like a brick wall.
TOwering above you.
One day, u see a little crack.
And you think 'Hey, its insignificant.'
A week later, the crack starts to grow, by a little.
N u think 'Ah, its nothing.'
A month later, the crack starts to split up,
This time, you've forgotten about it,
like a piece of old newspaper on the sidewalks.
Months turn to years, and years turn to decades.
N one day, when u go back to the same spot.
The wall's gone.
All that's left are but rubbles,
memories of what were and what were not.
-Andrew, dear fren. Its been a while, a long while since I last saw you. THough I dont remember much, padon my poor memory, I recall that spirited, kind and warm personality within that always kept us going, no matter where we were, whatever we did. I remember camps in Bentong and Derasu, where u always played afool, made fun of people. I remember you taking chances at my sister, and ohh, how those memories were both ridiculously funny, yet leaving a tear in my eye. I remember the prom nite of 2004, where we all went drunk and staggered around Bukit Bintang. I remember those smiles, those laughters, those verses and melodies from you, how much u loved arts and the sketches u loved to draw; the naughty little things u always did, haha... Boys be boys, eh? I remember the school days, the basketball court day, the good days, wehre we hung out, talked about life, talked about girls, about what's to be, and what's yet to be found. About the bad days, when u had my back, like a brother, like a true pal. Like a man. I can only pray that you have gone to a better place, my dear fren. I am still shaken, really badly, by this loss. I noe others who are too. My sister, CHee kar, Li Qun, Li Huan, Chun Leong, Ah Mun, Kvin, .... We go a long way back. I'm sorry... I can't make it in time for your service, but I'll try, whatever and however possible, to come back to KL. Andrew... once a borther, always a brother. WAtch over us, yeah? Like u always did.
Ur dear fren, Zhi Wang.
Come to think of it, its awfully sudden.
Like a brick wall.
TOwering above you.
One day, u see a little crack.
And you think 'Hey, its insignificant.'
A week later, the crack starts to grow, by a little.
N u think 'Ah, its nothing.'
A month later, the crack starts to split up,
This time, you've forgotten about it,
like a piece of old newspaper on the sidewalks.
Months turn to years, and years turn to decades.
N one day, when u go back to the same spot.
The wall's gone.
All that's left are but rubbles,
memories of what were and what were not.
-Andrew, dear fren. Its been a while, a long while since I last saw you. THough I dont remember much, padon my poor memory, I recall that spirited, kind and warm personality within that always kept us going, no matter where we were, whatever we did. I remember camps in Bentong and Derasu, where u always played afool, made fun of people. I remember you taking chances at my sister, and ohh, how those memories were both ridiculously funny, yet leaving a tear in my eye. I remember the prom nite of 2004, where we all went drunk and staggered around Bukit Bintang. I remember those smiles, those laughters, those verses and melodies from you, how much u loved arts and the sketches u loved to draw; the naughty little things u always did, haha... Boys be boys, eh? I remember the school days, the basketball court day, the good days, wehre we hung out, talked about life, talked about girls, about what's to be, and what's yet to be found. About the bad days, when u had my back, like a brother, like a true pal. Like a man. I can only pray that you have gone to a better place, my dear fren. I am still shaken, really badly, by this loss. I noe others who are too. My sister, CHee kar, Li Qun, Li Huan, Chun Leong, Ah Mun, Kvin, .... We go a long way back. I'm sorry... I can't make it in time for your service, but I'll try, whatever and however possible, to come back to KL. Andrew... once a borther, always a brother. WAtch over us, yeah? Like u always did.
Ur dear fren, Zhi Wang.
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