Looking for something to sooth the soul has never been more discreet. I went out with Robson, Chern Chiang, Pui Mun and Mok for Hannah's birthday at The Curve today. We had a rather.. 'meh' time at Song Box, which was seriously bad. The room was icky, the music selection was terrible. After that we headed to Laundry Bar to cut the cake. It was awesome to finally have good bonding them with the form 6 gang again. In the process, I might have kinda, sorta spent too much time getting drunk on Cosmopolitans and not texting my angel enuff... so... XDDDD dun angry ya?
Toodles.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
=)
Hey you. Yes you, reading this. Did you know... it started again? My heart, my soul, my everything. An angel came by on 1st July, 2012, and took it all away. For that brief moment, time stopped. For that small frame of time, life didn't matter anymore.
I met her 3 years ago, the same room I met the rest of my classmates in UTAR Kampar. She doesn't notice me, but I did. She sat next to this tall long haired girl. She wore spectacles, had wavy hair that cascaded down her shoulders. She was shy, and kept to herself most of the time. I never gave her much attention on that day. She was, well.... ordinary. Like the rest of us, like me. Then our teacher walked in, Mr. Ngerng. Oh how I laughed at the sight of that plump figure of a man, with his armpit sweat and dis concern for punctuality. But tat was when I saw it. That little glimpse from the side of my face. She smiled, to welcome everyone in class. That smile, was pure, yet sad. Her features were not what I would have thought to be, you know, perfect. But I was young, fresh out of high school. My idea for a future wife was well - unrealistic. Perfect 10 figure, perfect 10 dimensions.
Somewhere along the line, I met her again. She sat by herself at one of the stops in school. I sat beside her, and we introduced ourselves. A year later, we became the best of friends. We found many similarities between each other. I could laugh, cry, and sing, and every time, she would reply me with a simple smile. We've been through a lot together - me cheering her up on the bus home, me going to Pangkor Island with her. She would share her stories with me, and mine with her. But things changed. Somewhere along the line, she gave me a message. She told me that I was foolish not to notice it, but she has always had feelings for me. I flinched. It was like a knife was plunged through me, and with good reason.
You see... I am not a simple man. I have desires beyond belief, a hunger for complexity, an unending strive for power. Anyone who stood in my way, was either destroyed or left me. I was always alone. I never could trust, I never will. But I found a couple of good friends along the way, and they were those who would set me straight. She was, indeed, one of those friends.
But with a message like that, I am on the verge of losing everything. How she would feel knowing that I can never take that offer up, yet how much inside me telling myself I want to. And that was the biggest mistake I made. I thought, that for as long as I can hold out, we could still be friends, that nothing will change between us. But I was wrong. Day by day, she never gave up on me. She held on, strong, taking every step as I did. Everytime I fell, she was there to hold me up. Every mistake I made, she was there to cheer me up.
It was right there and then, that I knew, she was never going to leave me, and will be there during my loneiest of hours - caring for me, looking out for me.
I changed myself. A lot these past years. For all I could remember, I have never offered a sincere step back without a fight, or run from a challenge. Her smile, gave me the courage to lose. Her warmth, gave me the strength to take a step back, and see the world as it should be - cool, calm, and collected.
And here I stand, today, her hand in mine. I made a promise to myself that day. That I have waited, far too long, risked, so so sooo much, to think that this girl, who waited for me, should just leave me, this tattered soul and search for another who will treat her better. When in truth, she was waiting for me instead. I do this, not out of guilt. I do this, not out of sympathy, or at a moment's whim.
I do this, because I trully believe, that even if the world would to close on me now - she will still be there, with her smile, giving me the strength to push on, to go forth, and claim my prize. I do this, knowing that in truth, I need her, so much more than she needs me.
So I thank the heavens, for letting me make it in time, to win her heart before another will.
To my angel, where ever you are, this is my vow. Because of you, I care not of looks or figure or beauty or pleasure. Because of you, I know no pain, no sorrow, no fear and no hunger. Because of you, I learn that you need to be weak to be stronger, be appear shallow but be deep. Because of you, I know that there will no longer be sleepless nights, or broken hearts. Because of you - I am who I am. Sleep sound tonight, for tomorrow and the days to come, I am yours, and yours alone, for as long as you heart has its place for me.
I met her 3 years ago, the same room I met the rest of my classmates in UTAR Kampar. She doesn't notice me, but I did. She sat next to this tall long haired girl. She wore spectacles, had wavy hair that cascaded down her shoulders. She was shy, and kept to herself most of the time. I never gave her much attention on that day. She was, well.... ordinary. Like the rest of us, like me. Then our teacher walked in, Mr. Ngerng. Oh how I laughed at the sight of that plump figure of a man, with his armpit sweat and dis concern for punctuality. But tat was when I saw it. That little glimpse from the side of my face. She smiled, to welcome everyone in class. That smile, was pure, yet sad. Her features were not what I would have thought to be, you know, perfect. But I was young, fresh out of high school. My idea for a future wife was well - unrealistic. Perfect 10 figure, perfect 10 dimensions.
Somewhere along the line, I met her again. She sat by herself at one of the stops in school. I sat beside her, and we introduced ourselves. A year later, we became the best of friends. We found many similarities between each other. I could laugh, cry, and sing, and every time, she would reply me with a simple smile. We've been through a lot together - me cheering her up on the bus home, me going to Pangkor Island with her. She would share her stories with me, and mine with her. But things changed. Somewhere along the line, she gave me a message. She told me that I was foolish not to notice it, but she has always had feelings for me. I flinched. It was like a knife was plunged through me, and with good reason.
You see... I am not a simple man. I have desires beyond belief, a hunger for complexity, an unending strive for power. Anyone who stood in my way, was either destroyed or left me. I was always alone. I never could trust, I never will. But I found a couple of good friends along the way, and they were those who would set me straight. She was, indeed, one of those friends.
But with a message like that, I am on the verge of losing everything. How she would feel knowing that I can never take that offer up, yet how much inside me telling myself I want to. And that was the biggest mistake I made. I thought, that for as long as I can hold out, we could still be friends, that nothing will change between us. But I was wrong. Day by day, she never gave up on me. She held on, strong, taking every step as I did. Everytime I fell, she was there to hold me up. Every mistake I made, she was there to cheer me up.
It was right there and then, that I knew, she was never going to leave me, and will be there during my loneiest of hours - caring for me, looking out for me.
I changed myself. A lot these past years. For all I could remember, I have never offered a sincere step back without a fight, or run from a challenge. Her smile, gave me the courage to lose. Her warmth, gave me the strength to take a step back, and see the world as it should be - cool, calm, and collected.
And here I stand, today, her hand in mine. I made a promise to myself that day. That I have waited, far too long, risked, so so sooo much, to think that this girl, who waited for me, should just leave me, this tattered soul and search for another who will treat her better. When in truth, she was waiting for me instead. I do this, not out of guilt. I do this, not out of sympathy, or at a moment's whim.
I do this, because I trully believe, that even if the world would to close on me now - she will still be there, with her smile, giving me the strength to push on, to go forth, and claim my prize. I do this, knowing that in truth, I need her, so much more than she needs me.
So I thank the heavens, for letting me make it in time, to win her heart before another will.
To my angel, where ever you are, this is my vow. Because of you, I care not of looks or figure or beauty or pleasure. Because of you, I know no pain, no sorrow, no fear and no hunger. Because of you, I learn that you need to be weak to be stronger, be appear shallow but be deep. Because of you, I know that there will no longer be sleepless nights, or broken hearts. Because of you - I am who I am. Sleep sound tonight, for tomorrow and the days to come, I am yours, and yours alone, for as long as you heart has its place for me.
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