Life's Tarot Deck

Peace

2011-07-26T12:21:00.001-07:00

Finally, theres a sense of accomplishment again. Wee~~!!! End post. haha

i'm not perfect

2011-04-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

i was wondering when the feeling would come back. this urge to write, to blog, to express myself. i realised a thing or two today, and one of it, was that i turned from writing to express, to writing to impress. i'll stick to the former from this day forth, because who am i kidding? i can write to court and woo if i put my heart to it, but these words arent't going to put food on my table. not yet. =)

so i took some time these few days, collecting my tots, giving myself a vacation, if u will. and i come to realize, there's just so much mistakes in my life. i'm 22 this year. its like, a flash since i started writing this blog back in form 6. but i wont start reflecting on my past like i use to. not today. today, i wanna talk about my mistakes. =)

i spent so much time gazing the stars, i never took the time to look at the moon, even when she was juz rite thtr in front of me. i spent so many night thinkin about the past, that i never took the courage to take a step into the future. i made a promise to myself, and this time, i made it. but how many more times will things b this smooth? am i prepared for failure? i'm not perfect.

i cant say how well i've done this semester. i made a pact with myself, my true self. i inisisted that there were two me(s), one evil, and one good. i insisted that the evil me had taken over. i was wrong. there was always me, and just me. i juz had to take it out on somebody, that's all. i forgot to do the most basic thing of all basic things before i started out my life - to be true to my heart. now i found my way back. =)

spending hours and hours a day feeling sorry for myself because i couldn't do what i TOT i had to do, won't make things any better. for starters, my fren died this year. there was pain, there was sorrow, but there were no tears in my eyes. none at all. because i finally realised the truth. i wasn't sad that he left. i was sda he didn't say goodbye. i wasn't prepared at all. knowing this, i know i cant change what's happened. i cant expect myself to do more than what i can do. but i noe, i'll always keep him here, in my heart, and live my life for a greater good, in his memory. that's what i shud hav done a long time ago.

my grandma's disease hit me hard as well. but i have to be frank. i have to learn to accpet the truth. people grow old, they come to a time where, well... they have to let go. i have to let go too. its hard to say i admit so, but yes, i admit so. i dun feel one bit darn good about it at all. yet, accepting the facts make me feel better, at least allowing me to see things more clearly than I've ever been able to in a long time. so yes... i cnat do anything about this, not for her, not for anybody's sake. but i can promise myself that i will not let the same thing happen to MY mother, if at all, something comes up. I swear it.

i sit in my bed all day, looking at the laptop screen, and yet i blame myself for not knowing whats goin on out there. i delay myself to take 2 steps to refill my container for a drink of water, yet i tell the world that i cant b stronger. its a matter of the mind, i know. emotions, feelings, sentiments... its all a decoy to what really matters, whats really important - the heart. if i cant learn to see things at its core, i cant move forward. forget goin to London, and makin big bucks, and all the future plans i hav for myself. i cant even understand what's goin on in my own head. till i figure that out, i'm gonna hav to just get my lazy bum off the softness and warmth of the comforter, and into my thinkin chair.

i am a non-believer of extremities - yet i'm gettin the idea that i'm living like one. i say i dun accept the turth as it is, that there will always be other possibilities, yet i cant take failure, only sucess. contradictory, isnt it?

so all the mushy stuff aside, i need to remind myself of how good it felt to write, to share and to listen to my own heart again. writing was never about telling people what happened, or who died, or who won the world cup. its about saying things that matter from ur heart, and in return, open up to thiers.

i appreciate 3 people that gave me a reason to feel joyful these past months. I'll start with my best buddy, Alairic Ruben. He gave me lots of ideas, tots, and a real insight to life. We've been frens for the past 5 years, and frankly, without his support, I'll not get all the revelations I currently have. He reminds me of what I need to be, from the ground up, to listen to my heart again. TO see things the way I used to see it. Not detesting progress or belittling facts, but learning to look from the ground up and see things from the solidity of its base, and learn to work my way up to the top.

Alex Mah, my current employer and MD of the place I work at. He's a little more, eccentric. The guy's never been to a club, never been to McD @ 4 in the morning. He's basically a simple guy, the most simple guy I've come to know. He takes business seriously. I learned that dispite the ideas and crazy ass stuff that I can come up with, until I learn to take the handle and do a proper cartwheel, it doesn't really matter what kind of bike, decorations or how we're selling the tickets. He gave me that purpose, to seek myself and learn to do things from the ground up.

Alex Phoon, the guy who never fails to dissapoint me. I learnt a very easy lesson from him, be true to yourself. Take it like a man, and let things fall down by itself. Eventually things just fall back into palce again. No need to take up so much until u reach a point u cant grab hold of anymore, and ultimately u lose at everything. step by step, easy and steady. that's how u win the game. it doesnt matter what ppl say, or how much they judge u. u learn to tkae things as they are, and learn to see things thru ur own eyes. Being in Kampar is bad, because I choose to believe it is bad. if i choose to see it as a blessing, and yes, i begin to feel its alright. I'mn learning alot these few years, from folk that I will never have a chance to meet if i took the second option.

So that's it from me. I cant wait till 2mr, but yet again, I'll probably not wake up in time for class again if I keep this up. exams start on the 30th, and its already the 11th. 19 days to go, a total of 40 chapters to burn. set my study gear in motion, and get myself off this darn deathbed before i really die by the age of 27.

Its taken over...

2011-03-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

Yup. Its taken over. Now, its really here. I can feel it in my bones, my eyes. When I think,, when I smile. Its not the old me anymore. He's taken over. This antagonistic character inside me. He's been hiding in here. For so long. Finally, I gave him a reason to come out. Into the open. How foolish of me.

But he's only here, cuz I want him here. I was the one who created him. Now, let him protect me, let him make me see why my life needs rekindling.

Alas, the sun will always shine upon the land. But once the sun stops shining, and the earth starts to dry, the Rain God will appear, and ease the pain and suffering. Is he Rain God, or a demon in the making? I'll know soon enough, but will I have the courage to suppress him when the time comes?'

Facebook speed down solution!

2011-03-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Guys... I have to say a big thx to Dawa Law, an old fren of mine for coming up with an ingenious way to mend the slow facebook page problem. Its awesome! Try it out by going to his website here!

http://hehehunter.net/facebook/how-to-bypass-facebook-slowness-in-malaysia/

Monday Blues

2011-03-13T09:58:00.000-07:00

So!

Its Sunday night, and for all the right reasons my last mid term paper was done. I have loads more to do, class in the morning at 8.00am, a meeting sch

eduled after that, 2 more assingments to complete, a marketing proposal to write and some money to make.

So it leave me with one question. WHy am I still feeling so down?

They say u cant start the week without feeling the Monday Blues. Dam straight. I'm feeling them now.

I so hate the blues...

GOnna make a video next week for a marketing campaign. Hope it'll b cool enuff to catch people's attention tho. =) maybe go for some video classes.

Oh and Alex's finally letting me learn the guitar. And its free. Hoho~ Who says working for Alex Mah doesn't pay off? It works in marvelous ways if you ask me. =)

So yes, I'll start emo posting again very soon. Not sure when, but soon. For now, I just want to close my eyes and lie back for a while.

Funny

2011-03-02T11:32:00.001-08:00

Its been a full month now. Or so I think it has been. Nothing much has changed for me physically, but mentally I've grown stronger. How do I know? Bcuz I'm back to being the old me.

Old me, new me. I know deep down within myself that they both exist. Because of my insecurity, because of my hunger, my thirst for success. I remember back when I was young, everything was there when I wanted it. I knew nothing, I did nothing. All I ever had to do was study. Life was easy. At the age of 16, however, for the first time, I made a decision, to stand up for what I believed was my own 'path' to follow. Till today, I still wondered if I stood up for the right reasons, if it was even worth it. Everyday was a race to prove myself, to my family, my frens. Then one day, at a time of loneliness and sorrow... He appeared. He was strong, confident, and had the hunger and thirst for perfection. He offered me aid, and I reached out to him. From that moment on, I became stronger, better, faster, more eager, more focused. I saw things I've never seen before, did things I never knew I was capable of. Things became easier. But as time went by, I realised that he had a weakness. Everytime we did something together, he would always go too far. He was obsessive, a perfectionist. He was moody, aggresive, and unstable. But he was powerful. I needed him.

It was then that I realised it was all my imagination. But it was too late. I had 2 people in me right now. The new me - subtle, easy-going, humble and kind. And the old me - aggresive, prudent and strong. But as long as I shifted to the 'old' me, terrible things will happen to myself. Things that go beyond my control.

It took me years, but I managed to keep these 'characters' within me in check. My 'demon' and my 'human' nature. But the world will only get crueller, and the demon side has already bagun to swallow me whole. I hope, that for my own sake, things do not get out of hand.

I don't want my old self to take over again. But I need him. Right now....

Greed

2011-01-24T06:10:00.000-08:00

Why greed. Why of all times does it have to happen right now. It's a mistake i know, but what more could I have asked for. I find a million reasons to cover it up, but find no way to get things right again. Guess I'm not trying hard enough. I grow weak at the sight of frens, forgetting my resolution. I must, I know I have to.

I will prevail.

Secret Recipe + Kong Ming Deng Night

2011-01-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

First week of Kampar, so I tot about celebrating it over some nice Secret Recipe Delights~ =pp So I bring the blardy antisocial dude with less than 10 frens, I called 20%, which is a whole lot. And they came out. Lolzzz~~~

Kelly n GKM posing wif thier food

Eating... Munch munch... Dun take photo~!

Chocolate Indulgence

Black Pepper Lamb Pie

Choc Shake!

Green Tea Frap

The food was great, really. Havent had so much fun since KL. xDD I mean we had loads of cakes, my fav meatball spagethi ala~ AWESOME, and a slice of black pepper lamb pie~! SWEET!!! We talked about lots of stuff, and it was kewl. Really kewl, since they kept forcing me to jam all the cakes down to my last bite. =/ Afta tat we called CY out for some well-wishing.

To all the people, @home, @kl, @kampar, @heart.... All my deepest and most sincere well wishes of good luck and good fortune. Thnks for being pals when I was in need, or a jerk when I was bored, a lame ass that brightens up my day, my nemesis that taught me the will to fight on, 4 true frens who let me spend time wif them every night of my holidays playin L4D2 (love u guys!!), a true fren who was ther when I needed u and stole my heart, the lost love i'll never reclaim, my family whose ever noisy ever crazy yet ever i-cant-live-without-you-ppl, and everyone else who knew me hated me and most importantly became a part of my life.

Happy New Year 2011, Happy CNY.. and Happy Living~!!! Rock on!!

Worthlessness

2011-01-19T11:48:00.001-08:00

Ever woke up in the middle of a dream? Then u find it hard to continue right back into it, no matter how hard you try. Every day of my life I've thought that I was good enuogh, that I have proven myself in many ways. I was wrong. I realised that once a man sees the mountain that rises high into the skies, he no longer believes that he is the king of hills. It makes you realise your place on earth, the worhtless position I'm in. Its not a bad thing... it doesnt make you feel emo or anything at all.

It gave me a realisation, to make a promise, to myself. A promise like no other.

I will prevail. I have a lot of catching up to do, but I will prevail, mark these words.

Again??

2011-01-17T11:59:00.000-08:00

Once again.... I cant sleep. How la how.... >.< Maybe i shud try goin to bed, and later go dapao roti telur again. =ppp

Yeaaaa.... tat'll help. self-temptation shud really help. It better! arrgghh!

24hr marathon

2011-01-16T18:01:00.001-08:00

Class just ended. For the first time, I actually had the gusto to not sleep, go for class, pull myself to the library to read the darn paper... and then head back.

I feel sooo left out becuz of my 'condition'. -.-'' watching other ppl makes u feel very much self-aware.

Oh btw, taking early morning strolls at the park (or around it) really makes a diffrence. Shud do it more often.

Gotta hit the sack now.

kthxbai.

Cant sleep~!

2011-01-16T12:12:00.000-08:00

Back in Kampar, skul starts 2mr.. N I cant freakin sleep!!!! T.T helpz helpzzzzzz

Mayb i shud juz tire myself out and pengsan off. =p

Kittehhhh~~!!! #1

2011-01-15T07:23:00.000-08:00

My Dear Solemn Silence

2011-01-15T06:57:00.000-08:00

i cAn hAs SiLeNcEz... =)

Silence has been my fren... since the day I met defeat. The day I was dissapointed, I was left alone, shattered, hurt. Silence was there for me. She was the most gentle of places, for me to just fall back, and let her wrap her arms around me. She would embrace me in my darkest of moments, and this has grown on me, so much so that I have been the silent person I am right now.

But silence was selfish. She kept me all to herself. She would not allow me to prove myself, to move forward, to take risks. Because of her, I would always just surrender, just give up. Because I kept quiet, she always allowed someone else to take the limelight, instead of me. Becuz she's worried, because she doesn't want me to get hurt anymore.

Silence.. I'm sorry. 2011 is going to be a big year for me. I'm going to have to let you go from here on out. No.. I'll visit once in a while. I just have to let you go for the time being... actually.... for most of the time. Thanks for everything u've done for me. I won't forget you. SO from now onwards, I won't stay silent no more, k? =)

Political Joke

2011-01-14T08:54:00.000-08:00

Chopping The Cherry Tree...

Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. George gives the tree a good swing and chops it down with an axe . His father sees the damaged tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted bravely admitting the truth :-

'I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell
a lie. I did cut it with my axe.'

This is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question :-

PM Badawi -
I did not cut down the tree, I was just taking a nap underneath it.

Najib -
I swear that I have never MET that tree.

Hishamuddin-
... but I only own a keris, not axe, how to cut down the tree.

Dr.M -
Apa nama cherry tree, I chopped it down because, I don't like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.

Chua Soi Lek -
Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.

VK Lingam -
It could be me, it might have been me but I don't think it's me.

Anwar Ibrahim -
I DID NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA samples for you to plant on the axe handle.

Khir Toyo -
the new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.

Ahmad Said ( TerrenganuMB)-
I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.

Azalina Othman -
The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down. Besides there were unauthorized signboards put up around the tree.

Shabery Cheek -
I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.

Samy Velu -
I chopped it because HINDRAF members were using it as a meeting point

Wira Ali Rustam -
We have planted Durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple trees, pear trees and all these other foreign trees.

Rais Yatim -
You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain, Ali Rustan said that are against our national identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see- it's a WIN-WIN situation all around.

Sharir Samad -
I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidize it.

Karpal Singh -
The bigfoot creature did it.

Bung Mokhtar -
The big monkey did it

Pandikar Amin Mulia -
There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees, Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk.sit down.

Khairy Jamaluddin -
I did not do it, neither did the mat rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree ?

Lim Kit Siang -
In response to Khairy - cherry tree also you don't know, you are an insult to Oxford.

Nazri Aziz -
racist, racist, racist, when we cut down durian trees nobody
made a fuss.

Malaysian Citizens -
oh for heaven's sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death.

Hahaha~! Unless u understand this, IM NOT TALKIN TO YOU! Hahahaha

LOLz!!

2011-01-14T08:18:00.000-08:00

Saw this while browsing the web today. xDDD

Unfortunate Logos...

U gotta love the innocence!!

Wooo~!! Happy NY 11''

2011-01-14T07:52:00.000-08:00

Yippy~!! ITZa NeW YeArZ n a NeWz DaYz!!!!

A million wooos and waaaaas and everything else that goes with the package. =D Blogging still feels better than facebooking, thats why I've decided to start bloging again. I mean what was I thinking posting something on a freakin 'wall' and watch it fall lower.. and lower.. and lower until ur message just dissapears? =p=p

Its already 12 am, and yes, I'm back at Kampar, my most dreaded place on the whole freakin world.

So b4 I die of boredom, I'll just post some random song that Alex introed me, and then I'm off to bed. WIll get into the real bull-shit blogging 2mr. =)

Happy New Year Guys and Gals~!!!

All this time

2010-11-20T07:46:00.000-08:00

All this time... I've been lying to myself about all the bullshyte happening in my life. I have to make up another me, to motivate the 'me' that already exists.

Maybe I was right all along. I can be who I want to be, as long as I believe it. Yes, its ripping me apart inside if I'm not careful, but its the only way I can keep on pushing.

When can I leave this desolate place, and be home where I really belong?

Onegai Shimatsu...

2010-11-17T11:51:00.000-08:00

Onegai...
Y cant it be still for a moment. One minute I feel like flying, the next I start falling again. Its not funny, nor is it something I enjoy feeling all the time. Its so unstable!!! >.<

I hav soooo much to live for, so stop coming back and kacau me already. Just when I start thinkin life here's ok, u come back and strangle me. Wat is it that u want from me??

Feelin lost in the middle of salvation, sorrow in the middle of jubilation, pain in the middle of soothness. What is it, that can make this feeling stop? Y does the need to go all out continue to haunt me?

And so...

2010-10-30T14:08:00.000-07:00

And so...

The story goes on. Life goes on. Its the last day of October, and the final two months of the year are already dawning. Forget all the 2012 bu**shi* and the threat of other possible 'quick death' consequences. At this moment, I just want to close my eyes, and let everything sink in. For better or worse.

One of the hardest things I had to face this year was both my grandma and the loss of my fren. Its deafening, this silence. Yet, I feel more no tears, no more remorse, no more regret. Maybe I've let go, maybe I've convinced myself of whats important in life. But knowing myself, I don't let things go so easily. Especially when they mean the world to me.

One moment. Thats all I need. And it happened.

I took my time, taking it all in, slowly, yet surely. And things started to make sense. No point in blaming, no pointing of fingers this time. No more past mistakes to think through, because thats all done. I feel lonely still, yes. But in this loneliness, it gave birth to a new kind of resolution I've never felt before in my life.

All this time, things revolving around me were considered no more than 'sub-important entities of life'. Things that could be molded and bent into any shape to fit into your life. I got over that today. Nothing in life, is absolute. There is no 'certainty' that you will always be able to control what happens around you. U just have to be prepared. It sounds morbid, to expect something to occur, especially when its as dark as death and misery, but being prepared for it... just gives you this rather strong resolve to live life even fuller now.

I had my hopes, my dreams. My share of pain and stubbornness. But that was back then, when I had only MYSELF to think about. No responsibilities, no risks. I probably should have realized all these earlier. But hey, when do you get to grow up right? Better now than never. I wont say that things are different. I still live in the same place, live by the same rules, and part of my life has always been dedicated to those people who I've cherished all my life. But today, its official. I don't live for myself anymore, I know that. For years now, all I've been doing is just, running away from things that I thought were impossible. I just wanted to get in and get out. Reap the fruits without having to pay the price.

My life, has always been about me, like it or not.

But as of now... I have other people to look after. That's why I must get better, faster, stronger. I know I don't need to protect them at all, they are all grown up and they have a new path to follow. But I want to be there when they need someone to actually be there. When they need me the most. No matter what, where or why.

Life is no bed of roses. Sir Patrick thought me that. I know I have not been the brightest, or the smartest, or the most entertaining in his class, but having endured those 4 years of non-stop pounded of knowledge, morales, values and perspectives from that man's point of view, he shaped me to take into account the things in life that matter the most to me. And for that, I owe him much much more that he'll ever realize.

There are others too. People whom depend on me, that I used to just shout out 'I wont let you down'. And I lived up to those challenges, not all, but proudly, most. And I'm pleased about it. But things will be tougher, more impossible. And there will be a time where no matter how fast you run, you just won't be able to catch up with this insane thing called life. That, is when my promises will HAVE to turn to dust, and that is something I am trying to avoid.

And yes, I found myself again. Those uncertain years, those past memories... I still hold dear, but not close to my heart anymore, because they are now in my soul. I need the space in my heart for newer and more challenging things. Frens who know me, who don;t or who think they know me, have offered valuable advise, and trust me when I say this, I've never forgotten those words shared. The only problem is... So many of you have, you know... left. I never thought of it this way, but absence really does makes the heart fonder. Time and time again I recap on happy moments, so much so that I lose track of my todays and my nows.

And then theres you. I never got to say these words to you, and I don't know if you'll ever read them again. But this, right here, is coming from that same person you knew a year ago. The same person who shared your heart, even for a brief moment, and by doing so made him the happiest man on the planet. I made no apologies, and I shed no tears. Because for better or for worse, we both know things will not work out eventually. But trust me, I've cherished every dam moment. Every action, every word, every blurry image, made me think, made me consider, made me better. =)

Hatred, vengeance, morbidity and sorrow. They have been my source of inspiration. My Uni days have been, what my UTAR pals call, EMO. Yes, hilarious. What a man falls back to when he is all alone, is sometimes so ridiculous, yet comforting to the soul. Holding on to shards of memory and EXPECTING them to make your day is bullcrap, and we all know it. But forsaking those memories is more foolish.. I'll never make that same mistake again. Tell you the truth, I've not met a single fren in Kampar that could match up to any of you wonderful souls. I'm not saying this because I wanna compare. I'm not saying this out of anger and discontent. But rather, I'm saying how much some of you mean to me, and how much you've changed me, that I don;'t believe I'll be able to find in an environment where competitiveness and striving forward without looking back is key to survival. And everytime I think back on these shard of broken memories, now that MADE MY DAY. =)

Learning... understanding... and ultimately using it. Thats total emotional management. Learning it the hard way, for the past 10 years. I admit to all those foolishness, all those times where I was unable to let things go without a fight, even if it were for the most stupid of reasons. I believe in no God, only truth and philosophy, which, many people are gonna criticize me for, but hey, I don't believe in a one God. I still believe in a superpower that governs the universe and all, but I prefer to start with myself before understanding other possibilities. The Middle Way.

So no, I don;t know if I've grown any wiser, or any better till this moment. But I can tell you. I feel so much better now. And I didn;t need the excuse of companionship, or I needed someone, or I needed to preoccupy myself with workloads or whatever. I just... woke up.

How much more of life is there? I cant tell. But how far will I go, for the sake of the people I'm going to risk my life to protect? Till I draw my last breath.

My rules haven't changed. Do more expect less. Less rewards does not mean less content. I already know what needs to be done. I just never had the guts to admit it to myself. Having done it now, I only hope it is not too late.

'I've always liked this statement of life... what its compared to, how people link life to a myriad of events or routines in life. But I think I'll stop doing that for a moment. Cuz just for now, I think I have a set idea of what life means to me. Not a person, not a dream a wish or a goal. Its something larger.....'

Hey...

2010-09-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hey you...
Little boy.
Staring at the wall.

What's on your mind?
Do you feel the same way I do?
Can you see the way I see?

Yes... life's hard.
But one day,
when ur as old as I am.
U'll know.

How sweet it is,
To be loved,
And to love.
How funny things can be,
One moment your on the top of the world,
and the next you're looking up the sky,
at the clear blue clouds above.
Wondering how, and why.

Its a precious thing,
this thing called life.
Don't ever let anyone tell you,
'Its not worth living',
'Its too hard',
'Its not gonna happen'.
because its too precious..
To let go of.

DO you know why,
I set out to do,
what I had to do?
No, I guess not.
Not everyone bothers.

I live, to make sure people live.
Does that sound funny to you?
Yes, it did to me too.
I always cared for others.
So much so that I forget myself.
I cheer people on,
So much that I forget to move forward myself.
I was always there to give,
So much that people take,
Until I had no more.

And at the end of the day,
Little boy.
Where do i stand?
After giving away so much.

I sleep now in the streets,
playing an old violin,
so passers-by can give me a penny,
to buy my bread.
I drink from the morning dews that gather,
on the leaves near my old little hut near the gutters.

I have no one to love no more,
Because they called me a fool.
Ihave no frens no more,
Because they said I was too willing,
and too silly.

ANd they told me,
that my life was wasted,
that it was not worth living,
That it was all gone down the drain,
Which is ironically,
Where I sleep at night.

LIttle boy,
Listen close, and listen well.

Yes,I am nobody.
Right now, the world mocks me behind my back.
They laugh at my stupidity,
They jeer and they sneer and they call me awful names.
But, little boy,
I am not shaken.
I blamenobody.
I still live strong,
I still give, when I possibly can.

Do you know why?
Because for what I have done,
there are now hundreds,
maybe more,
that are living a GOOD life.
There are souls,
that were once lost,
that have found thier way.
There are children,
who never had the chance,
being born into the world today.

I may be a beggar,
N I may wear dirty old clothes.
But my life and soul,
little boy,
is enriched.
I sleep well at night.
I eat well.
I know no desire,
vice or malice.
I require no liquor,
no sex, no greed or envy.

For I have given this world,
My best,
My everything.
And I am still living my life,
the way I want it to be.

Let them jeer and sneer and laugh and mock,
For I need not live in their shadow,
Or the walls they build inside thier heads.
My soul is pure, and my heart is true.

And that, little boy,
Is what's important.
because for all that matters, little boy.

people can take away your life,
your fortune, your waelth;
your achievements, your dreams,
your goals,your ambition,
your work, your credit,
your fame, your position.

But they will never, ever...
Take away your pride,
your soul, and your heart.
That is one legacy,
That I am set out to do.

So don't cry, little boy.
They cant hurt you,
they cant harm you,
They can only mock and jeer and sneer and laugh,
But these things don't matter,
To the heart.

-Little Boy-
VanRyuzuki

OneRepublic - Secrets

2010-08-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

Love this song soooo much!!! Thx Alex for intro-ing to me one day after goin to watch 'Sorcerer's Aprrentice' and enjoyin himself.xD jkjk

8 Gates of Emotional Control

2010-08-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

In ancient Japan, spiritual leaders once believed that men possessed the power to become gods, thru a method called the 8 celestial gates. These gates are within each and everyone of us, and have the ability to open, only with true undersanding, will power, courage and several other requirements and elements that require them to achieve so. By slowly opening these 8 gates, men can achieve the path to heaven and ultimately become heavenly beings themselves.

I dunno, sounds really freaky to me.

But what I do understand is this one thing. The ancient monks of Japan used these as a gradual step to achieving something, which is where I got the idea from. Time and time again, we feel emotions, that sometimes go wild, out of control. Ur first kiss, a first hug, a betrayal, a big loss.. These feelings sometimes erupt and cause devastation to ourselves and the people around us should they go out of hand, because of the lack of control we have over them. Many ways of controlling emotions are out there, including therapy and self-searching, but since I enjoy doing stuff just because it interests me, I guess this can help me in someway or another.

We usually lose control, because according to these people, the 8 gates within us are basically opening without cohesion. Meaning they open at random, when u don't realize it. I dunno bout other people, but I feel the dam same way. I can be very excited one moment, and very down the next moment. I can feel like on top of the world, and the next moment I feel like s***. The monks in ancient Japan used the 8 celestial gates method to actually teach themselves how to gradually open these gate WHEN THEY NEED THEM, meaning having control over your OWN feelings. U can feel happy even when u are sad, feel like ur on top of the world even after a break-up and all that. Sounds like a load of bull, I know, but I'm not interested in the specifics, I just wanna know how I can gain control over my emotions, though... it does sound pretty cool to be able to feel what I want whenever I want to. xDD

Ok. Initially I thought 'that's lying to myself, right?' like self hypnotizing myself to believe that I am happy when I'm sad. But not really. Its all about understanding what ur emotions are really about. Finding out the reason why u CANT be happy, when ur sad. Why u CANT just let go of something and move on. Its a complicated process, but the key is to understand how u feel. And this is the part where many people, especially myself, fail to do all the time. Theoretically, yes, I know its what I should do, but its easier said than done right?

So when I think about it, why not result to this, cuz I'm always interested in stuff like this. xDD The 8 gates begin with the gate of emptiness or void, or ground zero. U can basically call them anything u want to, as long as the idea behind them remains. It allows us to be oblivious to everything that happens around us. Now, most of the time I, even many others,cannot , or have never realized it before, but when we meditate, when we sit down, relax, take a breather after a fight, or when we sit down and think things thru, the 1st gate opens. Some people are going 'bulls***' now but I dun giva ***... xDD Whats important here, is that knowing that there is indeed a gate like this, actually allows us to always remember to go back to the beginning, ground zero, or the point before everything happened, and reflect on the wrong moves u've made. It allows u to think and contemplate about the things to do, the thing that should not have been done, and then, u get answers, faster than anything else. (Zero theory)

The second gate to the seventh gate are not really important to me, because its all gradual stages of understanding the way things work, and eventually achieving things ONE STEP AT A TIME. But what is important, and like what a gud fren o' mine once told me, the world renown motivator, Tony Robbins used a similar method to encourage people to improve themselves. He says 'a penny a day is much easier than trying to aim higher and finding impossible ways to achieve something big in life' He tot me that it was easier to achieve goals step by step, little by little, because it is much easier and requires less effort, and the effects are amazing, cuz u dun realize how much u've achieved after that.

The 2nd to the 7th gate is just to label them according to ur own needs. For example, u can distinguish between what is gate 2 and gate 3 for urself. If I say gate 2 makes me happy, then i need to figure out what is there in gate 3 that can make me happier? If gate 3 makes me a better man, then how do i go on until i reach and become the perfect man, all the way up to gate 7?

So then, I come to gate 8, or the heaven's gate. It starting to sound like a bad naruto rip-off with guy-sensei and all that but hey,I got most of the inspiration from there. xDD The 8th gate is basically the gate which, I would, right now, in my current condition, call it impossible. because gate 8, is the grand finale. It is the final destination. It is the last gate, when u finally and truly understand all of the 7 gates, and most importantly, have the mental ability to access ANY ONE of those gates at your own WILL. That's just kick-ass cool. Its like me going from 50sph to 180sph! (smiles per hour) xDD just kidding. Its like me going from being really sad to bouncing back and be able to let go and get on with life, in a shorter time than most people. What I learned is that if I can have the ability to take my sadness or emotional distresses and then put them away for a while, do things that are more important, and then get back to it later, it will be really swell. Also, I would love to be able to take less damage from emotional distress and that sort of thing, like feeling less pain, because I finally UNDERSTAND what is going on.

So, conclusion is this. I cant do this the normal way, because its boring. So I jumbled up all these really awesome (to me) methods and came up with my own 8-gate theory to suppress my negative feelings and express the good ones. Also to understand my own feelings, my weaknesses, and then gradually be able to grow confident about who I really am and finally portray my strengths at all times.

Void Gate --->Gate 2 ---> Gate 3 --->Gate 4---> Gate 5 --->Gate 6 --->Gate 7 ---> Heaven's Gate

Sounds really funny, but I think we shud learn things in interesting ways, so why not giv it a try. xDD I just hav to label these gates according to what I want them to be, and everytime I feel sad or down all I gotta do is think back, and remember how small the steps were to move from one gate to another and gradually, yet slowly and at a comfortable pace reach the gate that I want to,which the process I hope will be much faster with more practice. ^^

I understand now

2010-08-23T13:01:00.001-07:00

I now noe... it was not me. I now noe... all this while... that it was me who was the fool. It was me who had done so much to bring ppl together. N now it is me who is suffering in silence. Today, I've come to a decision. I need you no more. No more than the hair on my chest.

For a moment there, I was blinded by what I tot was true, but all I noe now,is that I was used, played with. I gave it everything I've got,and what do I get in return?

There is no longer the need to look back, because everything I've believe in, every hope, every dream, is no longer yours. Every idea I've shared, I'm taking them back. Every nerve, every congratulations, every yearning, every encouragement, everything. I'm forsaking you,and I'mtaking everything back.

I've gone thru my databases today, and the more of the photos I see, the more of the videos I've went through, the more clear I am as to who was wrong, and who was right. Today, it ends. Today, my new dream and my new hopes, taht no longer concerns you, begins.

The day you even begin to realise what you have done, is the day you will understand it is too late.

Because like I once said to you.

'It takes a lifetime to build trust, but only a second to tear it all down.'

I'm angered too deep to turn back the clock. I've no more wishes, no more prayers for you.

'I have, finally, after so many years, another scar on me, but this time, I want it on the front of me, not on my back, because I've got nothing more to hang on to, and there is no disgrace for me to move on.

One day, you will understand. One day, you will realise. And on that day. You will noe... that I have left you.

Gurghh..

2010-08-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

N da cooking continues... xDD (mashed potatoes)

Went for Robson's bday

Dave n his bragi-ing violin...

Yea... try smiling having to go 4 trips back n forth from Kampar to KL in juz 3 weeks.

N heres a random shot. xDDD

Finished the last of my crazy ass assignments, got bak my midterm results and finally having the last chance to savour some rest before the big rush to the finals in 2 weeks time. =.='' in one way its hectic, but otherwise it wont be Uni life now isn't it.. xDDDD Sicne I havent been blogging for god-knows how long, I guess its only fair that I put something up to show I'm not in Mars doing back flips with the locals there.

A lot happened recently, but I don't, won't n will not develop the mood to take pics of these events n post it on fb or my blog. 1st of all, my childhood fren, Andrew, just passed away recently. The burn in my heart is tremendous, and I cant help but leak a tear or two at night. His funeral was... how do I put it, something I knew I had to attend. I actually skipped a night's sleep and my midterm exams to attend his funeral. N lemme tell you, I do not regret whatever I had done. It was good to see familiar faces there that day, but it really breaks my heart to see those faces in tears and shattered souls...

I've been doing a crazy amount of trips back to KL as well, almost 4 trips in 3 weeks. There were a couple more I guess, but I kinda lost count. Jian Yin's homecoming, Robson's b'day, etc etc. I'll try to get those updated as soon as I can, but meanwhile, there's the problem of time and the upcoming finals... =.=''''

I'm experimenting with more cooking recipes now, xDD and I have to say its really fun. Juz did a huge spring cleaning today, and adjusted my room a little here and there.

Having several issues within the group here, but thankfully I have REAL frens who would stand up for me when I need them the most. It really tells alot from thier actions, and I'm grateful. Naruto, One Piece and now Fairy Tail marathons completed, waiting for the next big thing.

Self piano lessons, with - u saw right- Aliaric Ruben (If Daniel saw this he would have gone LMAOO), cuz apparently he knows his stuff. haha. I'm saving up for a new phone, and things are getting more and more hectic even as I type. I'm spending my free time adjusting notes, cleaning my room, and playing pool at new town ( really cheap though, heh..)

Oh and just so I don't forget, there was this one time, when I went home to KL, I met my ex-tutor, Mr. Sam, whose African, and he took me to this really awesome place down at Plaza Warisan. Haha. N yeah.. African food babe!!!

Ladies finger with chillies

o this is good... xDD beef stomach!!!!

The goreng pisang of Africa!

Dun let looks fool ya. It looked ordinary to me too, but the taste was really magnificant!!

N this is the table setting. That thingy in the middle is actually flour paste,
unlike the rice we take, they take it barehanded, and its really good!

Jake was there as well, but he didn't have the guts to take it all down! Haha. I guess its not for everyone, huh? I liked the pumpkin seeds best (not in pic, too bz munching tat time. xDD), and the beef stomach was really something. Drop me a line, and I'll take u there one day (if u dare. xDD)

Oh yeah, I'm running low on reading amterial too, so if anyone sees this, lemme borrow some books.. =.='' I really need some. Kampar's void of good books. Zzz...

And that's that. Probably going to head back home to KL sometime, but god-knows when. My sis's b'day, mom-n-dad's anniversary, big-uncle's bday... all coming up in september and october. N sis's planning something as well. Well... hope my exams dun clash with these times.. T.T

That's it then. Peace out!

'Men should continue to walk forward, even if they lose a limb, thier sight, thier hearing, thier smell, or thier taste along the way, because god is fair, even if u dun believe in him, and he gives u back ten-fold what he takes away from you, unless u in turn does not deserve it in the first place.' VanRyuzuki -looking back at the old times, but not reminiscing no more, because I promised to live, now ever stronger. Cuz I know you're looking down and blessing me from above. I know u are. ..

All the small things

2010-08-08T18:19:00.000-07:00

A breezy day. TO tell the truth, I cant really tell. I assumed it was breezy through the slightly shaking leaves on the braches of the little green trees right oposite my window, near the basketball court. The court... reminds me alot what he was like. =)

Its still early in the morning, and I'm all dressed up for the final midterm exam. Not sure about the time and all that, but rushing over to meet the teacher anyways.

Someone once told me that 'Death is merely the beginning, never the end'. I'm still having a heard time believing that. Maybe in time, those tears will finally come, but until then, all I can hold within me is an anger, an anger for the harshness of reality. So suddenwas the blow that it caused pain, immense pain in amny people I hold dear. Yet at the same time it brought me a kind of peace, a kind of resolution, the same feeling u get when u finally come to an end of a road, or the tip of a mountain. A kind of... finale.

There is still a long way to go from here. But from here on out, I have one less heart to link to, and it doesnt feel the same no more.

Bless us all... I'll promise I'll be strong. But not now. Now, I'll just let all the emptiness flood me to the brim.

Dear Andrew

2010-08-06T04:01:00.000-07:00

Life... and its cycles.
Come to think of it, its awfully sudden.
Like a brick wall.
TOwering above you.
One day, u see a little crack.
And you think 'Hey, its insignificant.'
A week later, the crack starts to grow, by a little.
N u think 'Ah, its nothing.'
A month later, the crack starts to split up,
This time, you've forgotten about it,
like a piece of old newspaper on the sidewalks.
Months turn to years, and years turn to decades.

N one day, when u go back to the same spot.

The wall's gone.
All that's left are but rubbles,
memories of what were and what were not.

-Andrew, dear fren. Its been a while, a long while since I last saw you. THough I dont remember much, padon my poor memory, I recall that spirited, kind and warm personality within that always kept us going, no matter where we were, whatever we did. I remember camps in Bentong and Derasu, where u always played afool, made fun of people. I remember you taking chances at my sister, and ohh, how those memories were both ridiculously funny, yet leaving a tear in my eye. I remember the prom nite of 2004, where we all went drunk and staggered around Bukit Bintang. I remember those smiles, those laughters, those verses and melodies from you, how much u loved arts and the sketches u loved to draw; the naughty little things u always did, haha... Boys be boys, eh? I remember the school days, the basketball court day, the good days, wehre we hung out, talked about life, talked about girls, about what's to be, and what's yet to be found. About the bad days, when u had my back, like a brother, like a true pal. Like a man. I can only pray that you have gone to a better place, my dear fren. I am still shaken, really badly, by this loss. I noe others who are too. My sister, CHee kar, Li Qun, Li Huan, Chun Leong, Ah Mun, Kvin, .... We go a long way back. I'm sorry... I can't make it in time for your service, but I'll try, whatever and however possible, to come back to KL. Andrew... once a borther, always a brother. WAtch over us, yeah? Like u always did.

Ur dear fren, Zhi Wang.

F!

2010-07-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

U noe... seriously.. afta not blogging for so long and I finally hav ethe urge to do so, I am really pissed off to hav to admit that I'm not blogging about nice things in a long time. I'm farking pissed off. U noe why? I just realised, that there are actually ppl in this world, who think they can get away with anything, bcuz they have ppl who idiotically cover up the truth for them.

Sorry man. I live in a world dominated by wisdom, righteousness and a sense of integrity. I dont steep so low juz to make a point, and turn my humanity over juz like tat. Just today, in class, I witnessed my best fren do the most ridiculous thing I could have imagined in my life. I made a point, he was wrong, and he had the audecity to turn the whole thing around, and make it look like I WAS THE ONE AT FAULT. How? Juz by smiling and making a sinister comment, that made everyone in the room think that I just made a joe and he was right.

If facial expressions dominated the world, then I would be in trouble. Seriously, I don;t have a very convincing look all the time, cuz I take my life the way I like it to be. But to think such manner of things really do exist! Goddammit! And seriously, its not the first time. Every time the gnag of us go around town, u get the most ridiculous conversations ever! Things that do not even matter. Adn to make things worst, everyrime I try to make a comment, they make it sound like I know nothing of it, and I have to shut it. And if I keep too quiet, I get that 'dude ur emo again' look.

The worst part? Trying to crack up a joke or two, makes me 'unrealiable' and 'not-trust-worthy'. WTF? People crack jokes all the time, and when I do it, they say I talk too much garbage?

I have only a few conclusions . 1. They are against me. 2. They have really bad sense of humour. 3. They think they can get over my head. 4. I owe them, which I definitely don't.

What the hell? I mean its enough that whenever something happens, I do things to help out even without thinking. U guys take it for granted, I understand, cuz I nvr wanted anything in return anyways. But for godsake, what the hell are you thinking?? Are you trying to prove a point to me, to the people around me?

What the fak are you trying to do?

One day.. when my limit reaches the tip of it, then u deserve all that coming, I tell u.

I've been putting up with enough sh*t for a long time now.

*JUT BECAUSE UR LOUD DOES NOT MEAN UR RIGHT!*

周杰倫 - 說了再見

2010-06-20T01:23:00.000-07:00

周杰倫 - 說了再見

天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我愛的遺失了
落葉飄在湖面上睡著了
想要放放不掉淚在飄
你看看你看看看不到
我假裝過去不重要卻發現自己辦不到
說了再見才發現再也見不到
我不能就這樣失去你的微笑
口紅待在桌腳而你我找不到
若角色對調你說好不好
說了再見才發現再也見不到
能不能就這樣忍著痛淚不掉
說好陪我到老永恆往哪裡找
再次擁抱一分一秒都好
天亮了雨下了你走了
清楚了我愛的遺失了
落葉飄在湖面上睡著了
想要放放不掉淚在飄
你看看你看看看不到
我假裝過去不重要卻發現自己辦不到
說了再見才發現再也見不到
我不能就這樣失去你的微笑
口紅待在桌腳而你我找不到
若角色對調你說好不好
你的笑你的好腦海裡一直在繞
我的手忘不了你手的溫度
心碎了一地撿不回從前的心跳傷心過去我無力逃跑
說再見才發現再也見不到
能不能就這樣忍著痛淚不掉
說好陪我到老永恆往哪裡找
再次擁抱一分一秒都好

It speaks of both regret and a sorrowful wish that tat someone will come back one day. I love the song. xDD Really sentimental . ^^

Save Save Save!!

2010-06-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

Yesh! Recently saved almost RM777 d!! xDD Of cuz not including the extra cash I was given during the Redang trip. I still have around RM150 to spare, and RM100 will be used for mom's b'day. ngek ngek.

Rock onn!!!! Rawr!!

Barabudor here I come!!

Talent Time 2010

2010-06-19T00:34:00.001-07:00

3 weeks of work finally completed!! WooHoo~~!! Cant wait for the photos and the feedback. Talent Time 2010. Not really perfect, but at least I dare say it was definately better than the last 2 TTs. The show was fantastic to the max! I just cant believe Desmond Liew won in the end (although I did xD). Tien Tiam was awesome wicked and Fatt Yi deserved the prizes. I'll get the posts whe they appear on Facebook.

Here's a little proof tat this is not a dream *pinch* Oww!
xDDDD

~Lovin the life~

新不了情

2010-06-19T00:28:00.000-07:00

I juz had tat nostalgic feeling.. Tat one where u know ur loved and u know ur in love. ^^ Nothin big. Just a thought~! But I love the song though... Makes me remember all the things in my life that I had gone through.. The people I've met. xDD

Yay!!

2010-06-15T07:56:00.001-07:00

Yesh! I'm posting again.. xDD So much for not being able to find time. A lot happened. TO me. TO my family. My life just took a huge roller coaster plundge down the road to hell and back again.

Grandma was admitted to the hospital, getting a stroke. I was diliberately heartbroken t see her, and when I close my eyes I can still see that knocked-out, old frame of hers, those emotionless eyes and her inconsistent breathings. I would have cried. But no, I can't.

The pain she felt tat day, was reflected back into me, my soul, my life. That very moment my life changed. I started to fight. Hard. I started to believe. I started to run after things I never had the courage to do, because I thought there was time. Because time was always there by my side, but not anymore.

When I was a little chicko, I used to hang out at my grandma's place. I had a nanny then, and once in a while I would try nd sneak out and go over to my gran's house. She's a wonderful cook. I love her soups especially, gives me a real homey feeling. She was always cheerful, and even though I was the most quiet member of the house, she would never treat me as another log, like my frens used to do. Even today, after I'm all grown up, she still treats me like tat little kid, and I have to admit I loved every bit of it.

U might thinks its wierd. I love walking with her. When we go to restaurants and vacations, I almost, without thinking, volunteer to help her up stairs and slopes, because to me its like gettig to be able to do something for her, and she's always happy.

I've never felt that attached to anyone before. Not the kind of parental attachment, because this is different. This is my Ah Ma.

So I think u get the picture. How my world came crashing down on my to see her bed-ridden, unable to move like before. Even her speech patterns were drowzy and barely audible. Time and time again when I visit her at the hospital, I can see tears in hher eyes. Tears of sorrow and agony. SHe blames herself for causing us trouble, I know it.

Thats is why I have to fight. I have to prove to her, that those tears were unnesscery. Because I'm not a loser anymore. Because I want to show her, that I can be of use to this family, that I can take matters into my own hands, and not remain that same naive little boy any longer.

Back in UTAR, I realised that I'm already in Y2S1. Its a big thing for me, because my results have not been too slacking, and that mans I actually can get that 1st honours degree, if I want it. N by all means yes I freakin want it! N I'm already starting to realise the possibilities that are before me, and the people that are getting in my way. The frens I've known here in Kampar were awesome in Y1S1, Great in Y1S2, Realiable in Y1S3, but this sem, they have already shown thier true colours. They jeer at your achievements, mock ur goals and dreams. They refuse to let you take the spotlight, and push and knock u over when u are close to attaining things in life. I have the luck of having really good frens back at K.L. My latest trip to Redang told me all I wanted to know. That the kind of friends that really care and look out for you, even with all the flaws and mistakes they have made, are still those whom you can trust. N I know I'm a lucky man, for I have them by my side when I need them.

But here in Kamapr, things are not the same any longer. The people here 'think' they care for you. They 'assume' they are good people, and that they 'deserve' to be treated like kings and queens. I'm starting to wonder if UTAR was the best choice, but all said and done, I;m staying here no matter what. Because my dad told me a really good line 'A man will stand and fight, even in a losing battle.'

So in this kind of scenarios, I choose to defer from what I now know are not the true frens of mine. Because as much as you see them everyday, they do not have a place for you in thier hearts. Frens trust and care for each other, even when they don;t see eacch other, like my dear fren in Aussie. But being so close and being sabotaged again and again, being felt like a rotting apple because the more you give in to them, the more they take, and at the end of the day u start to realise that they don;t give you back. I'm not going to let that happen. Not now. Not when I know I can stand up and fight.

Money. Earning your first dolar never felt so good. Its like having the thread of the young man cut from you and opening your world to a sea of opportunities and possibilities. Even indulging in the occasional luxury with your own hard earned cash can be described as nothing less than the lovely feeling of happiness, taht every bite of an ice cream was worth every penny. Thats why I noe I'm not in the wrong course. Haha. Money talks babeh!!

I've been almost to many places already this year, from Hong Kong to Sabah to Redang and the upcoming trips still under planning. I'm going to do something I've never done before. Barabudour - the ancient temple in Indonesia. I want to pray for my sick gran, and I'm already saving cash to get the money. Its a very funny yet interesting feeling. To feel all tempted and seduced into buying that muffin with its chocolate coating and frosty icings, and when u're finally safe in he sanctuary of your room, you realise that u just saved another dollar. And at the end of the month, its like a mamoth amount (because to tell the truth, I;ve never saved a cent in my life before) of RM500++!! And all I had to do was do some spare work, stick to a nice diet of economy rice and fruits, exercise to keep my appetite in good shape, cycling for the extra stamina, and ultimately watch my savings expand! Instead of using the cash, I actually went to the bank and did cash deposits now! It's a really good feeling.

In Uni, I'm neck deep in assignments, society work and I almost ran for the SRC. But frankly, I don;t fel the sting, not that much. Because now I have a cause, and I have to prove a point. Now it's no longer time to be the same old me anymore, because nothing's going to change if you;re just going to talk about it. Nvm what they say about you. Nvm if they tell you you wont be able to last it out. Show them. Prove it to them. Prove it to her. That you're a man now. That the heavens know the time has come for this dude to make a dent in the world.

So hop on in the ride, or get the fuk otta my way.

Seriously wtf were they thinking!!

2010-06-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

Outrage over fiery death

By NG SI HOOI
sihooi@thestar.com.my

PETALING JAYA: Netizens have expressed outrage over the fiery death of a woman in her car after petrol kiosk attendants refused to lend fire extinguishers to save her.

Venting his anger on his Facebook page, Edward Ling hit out at BH Petrol (BHP) and called for the firm to be punished by referring to it as “Boycott InHumane Petrol”.

The page also posted a note from Teo Chai Yong, whose desperate attempt to save the 27-year-old woman from her burning car proved in vain after the attendants refused to lend him the fire extinguishers.

Teo, 31, had driven to the 24-hour petrol station that was near the scene of an accident to look for a fire extinguisher after he heard screams from the trapped woman and saw sparks under the car.

Teo had pleaded with the attendants and even offered to buy the extinguishers but was rejected.

He rushed back to the accident scene, only to see the car engulfed in flames with the woman still inside.

The tragic incident happened at 3.30am on Thursday after an accident involving the woman’s Perodua Myvi, a Toyota Vios and a lorry on a flyover along Jalan Cheras near Jalan Loke Yew.

BHP managing director Tan Kim Thiam had expressed regret over the incident, saying the attendants had refused to open their doors because robberies were common at that hour.

BHP is scheduled to call a press conference soon.

Several readers questioned why the fire extinguishers were kept inside the petrol station instead of beside the petrol pumps.

Netizen Tan Loon Wern demanded that BHP make a formal apology to the victim’s family while Justin Tan said it should also compensate the woman’s family.

Another Netizen, Chong Kit Ling, expressed sadness that a human life was not valued, while Kelvin Wong Jing Zhi said petrol stations should place fire extinguishers at accessible spots.

Malaysia Crime Prevention Foundation vice-chairman Tan Sri Lee Lam Thye said he could understand the anger showed by the public and Netizens.

“A life could have been saved if the attendants had lent Teo a fire extinguisher. This is a very unfortunate incident,” he said.

MCA Public Services and Complaints Department head Datuk Michael Chong said the attendants could have used their judgment to decide if Teo’s pleas were genuine.

“They should have just lent him the extinguisher. Instead, they did nothing. This is very sad,” he said.

Cheras MP Tan Kok Wai even called on the Government to suspend the licence of the petrol station pending investigations.

**I just cannot believe something like this could happen. So much for Budi Bahasa Amalan Kita! Bull!! What happened here is a pure case of what we call selfishness and inhumanity! For goodness sake!! A freakin fire extinguisher!!! Go n see la what's going on at least!!!!

Back... -.-''

2010-04-25T07:41:00.001-07:00

Finally!! I mean wat the hell was all that about? I had to wait fer almost 20 days just to get a fix of that blogging-high. (yummy!), no thanks to the fact that my laptop's destroyed and had to be sent back to the factory.

xDDD

Man ohhh man... so much to talk about. Lalalala~

Exams are apporaching real soon. I mean like 8days 13 hours 4minutes and 45 seconds soon. As much as I want to say 'Bring It On!'... I cant... Of all the subjects to worry about, Business Accounting is really bugging me in a very bad way. I hardly wen tfor any of the classes, I attended the tutorials only thrice, and now I'm stuck with a very very bold choice to make - drop it and focus on the others, which I;m sure I can get an A if I did, or die trying, and risk everything. T.T headache....

Secondly, it F*KING boring here!!! T.T My daily routine turned from msn+facebook+textin+emailin+stalkin ppl on9 to .... nothing. >.< Nothing. Just blank. Wake up, sleep. Eat. Sleep. Wake up. UUrgh!! Its driving me nuts!!!

My laptop better be back soon or I'm gonna lose it.

Basically lots happened as well amidst this boringness. But that will have to wait a looong while. T.T

So the lowdown for today:

I played DOTA and won for the first time. xDDD

Tats it. I'm out. Until I find the mood to start bloggin again.

Hey I'm 2...1111??!!! Woah wait a minute!!

2010-04-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ok.. heres the thing. I just had my burfday cake (thx mom n dad, it was good! xD), just blew the candles, and now... wtf?! I'm 21!!!

Dad gave me a lecture on responsibility and the world I'm now accessing into. No more teenage dreams. Cuz from now on, I bear the family name. (ok... tats serious...)

I can now vote! Yes! =p

I can now get into Zouk!! Oh yesh!! sweet!!

I can now get access into banking accounts, sign contracts, invest, buy cars, get loans, make companies!! AWESOME!!!

and then..

... I'll get jailed for committing crimes. (o.0'')

..I'll get into legal trouble everytime I screw up. (o.0'''''''''')

....I'm totally liable for any damn thing I do, can ppl can sue me. (>.<''''''''''''''''''''')

OMG!!! Can I turn back the time please!!!! AAAAhhhh!!!!! Nuuu!!!

'Just kidding. I'm really enjoying my burfday. With the wishes and all. ^^ Thx loads guys, and gals.'

Wednesday...

2010-03-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

Called UTAR finally, and no, i'm not barred. Which is strange. Then why did they call me?

Going home tomorrow, cnt wait.

WAkakakakakakakaka!!!Wee~~!

A bag of peanuts, a can of rootbeer, and a world inside my head

2010-03-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, things pop up in my head in a variaty of ways. Just the other day I had the darn tune 'Shorty's like a melody in my head that I can;t keep out, got me singing... Nanana... 'It was fun, yet awfully annoying. I ended up having insomnia the whole night. Thing is, when I woke up, I had these bunch of plans and ideas for one hell of a big project.

So I've been spending the last few hours today trying to basically recall those shards and pieces and trying to place them back together. Naturally, the ideas are all intact now, and I think its safe to say we have something we can work with here. Jake and Alex gave me thier consent earlier today, and I'm seeing a whole world of opportunities before us. Wahahaha!!! *terms and conditions applied

That aside, its getting awfully.. well.. awful. Thursday's the day I'm finally going back to KL, again after a month without having a chance to see my family for so long. I guess absence really does make the heart fonder.

The finals are coming. Its more than a month away, but it's feeling like its tomorrow. Getting all queezy even having to think about it. Dad gave me a good boost in my goal-setting. LSE's now really within reach, as long as I keep the grades up. =p

The awful part? Stress. I cant sleep at night.

Even worst than tat? Haunted. I'm thinking too much. Grr!!

Sure hope something nice happens to me after all this. It's really... well... a blardy anticlimax from the spirit-lifting month of February. I'm getting all dried up from boredrom, like a piece of laundry out in the sun.

Oh yes and there's the results. SOmehow my mid-term 2 didn't fare as well as I had expected it to be. Turns out my overconfidence got the better of me. So now I'm basically 0.6 marks below Jake. (I noe.. impossible right? I'm like soo... this!!! And he's like so... that!!! It's like... no way! Right?! *pardon the bitch talk. I'm feeling edgy. Wakakakakakaka!!

Missing the people back in KL again. Aliaric, Chern CHiang, Robson, Wai Kit, Teck Juan, Wey Sheng, Wy-san, Chun Leong, Vivian, Pei Gin and even taht backdoor neighbour Wei Yi!

Awwhhman.... I wanna go home!! But teratai's boring! I wanna go home but I dun wanna stay at home. Let's go clubbing or something! xDD

But I'm short on cash.. T.T

I noe. Mayb it'll work out if I did something tat does cost a lot, but still brings equal pleasure and maximum satisfaction. (No, its not Orange, Asia Cafe, or watever). I think I'll backpack!

Yeah!!! (its was actually decided I'm going to Sabah with Jake on the 18th. Just wanted to mae it dramatic. xDD)

So yesh! Something to look forward to there. Let's see... Then theres.. ah yes.

UTAR called me I think, wait, *checks clock* 2 days ago. Didn;t call back. Its a blardy office line with thousands of extensions, and what? They expect me to call back?! Then at least tell me who the fak to call to!! Alex Mah's saying it's either I owe them cash, I'm barred from taking an exam, or miscellanous.

-.-''

Wat miscellanous? I'm not filling in some application form ok? *Lain-lain ka?

I'm guessing the barred problem, but I can't be sure. Think I'll try and find the DSA tomoro. ZzZ...

Ok rant rant.... rant summore and .. oh yesh. I'm having a 'simple' birthday bash at my place, 22 2/7D Teratai. Already sent out the invites but due to the uncomfirmed time, I'll keep u ppl posted, I guess. I cant even tell myself to wake up in time for a 9am class.

Those little ones from Kampar are coming down too. So weee~

To sum things up.

I MISS U GUYS!!!!

I HATE EXAMS~!!!!

I WANNA GO TO SABAH TOMORROW!!!!

I NEED MORE POTATO CHIPS~~ *munch*!!! OK NOW I DON:T NEED MORE POTATO CHIPS, BUT I STILL NEED TO PLAN A SECRET-YET-RANDOMLY-AWESOME-TAKEOVER EVENT!!! excited.. weee~~!!!

^.^ ok satisfied. Nite!!

'The above was more likely to be what experts call a dose of selfrantophilanthomythosis. It's a rare yet dangerous illness, that causes any individual sad enough to have it to start talking to himself in the corner of his mind, and then having the audecity to embarass himself by putting those thoughts into words. But who cares? As long as the author's happy, there's nothing much the experts have to say about it. Besides, who noes better? Wahahaha!!!'

Fear

2010-03-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

I guess its about time I open this up to myself and talk aboout it. I'm already 21 (few days to go, watever), and its time I actually reflect on what I want, what I need and what I wish for. Sadly, I guess there's just this weakness within me, that everytime I wake up, I lose that 'fire' that was burning up within me,a dn I go back to being square uno again. But times change and people (especially bumps like me) need to change as well.

So what am I still afraid of? All this time, instead of facing the truth and putting my all into doing things I know I can do, I end up only reminiscing on things that I shud hav, but someone else had already taken it first. Its sad to think that I am a lsave to confidence, when in fact I have a bucket load of it, but I was just too wimpy to let it loose.

What am I afraid of? I guess its time I face the truth. I'm afraid of losing. That's my biggest phobia. Losing a game, losing a battle, losing a fren. I hate the thought of it. But as I am now, I developed a new way to overcome this phobia, ignore it. Become second. Let someone else do the fall. Becuase when ur second, u'll never get the blame. No matter how many times, in every damn thing I do, I always have the same attitute. Some call it taking a step back. I know its called denial. I never tried to outdo myself, I just take a step back and let others do that.

I guess thats why people grow up, and I never do.

My fear... is of myself.

As of today, 29th March 2010, 5.42am, no matter 2012 comes or not, no matter what happens in the near future, I promise, that I'll take that step I've never done before in my life - I'll take that frikin risk, even if it means killing myself.

'The real fool is not the one asking the question and gets laughed at, its the one who knows the answer but never had the chance to speak his mind.'

Earth Hour

2010-03-28T02:07:00.000-07:00

Lolz. I only got to participate for the last 10 minutes. I did switch off my lights and went to bed for the rest of the night, though.

Soree mother Earth!!

=p

Sickening

2010-03-28T02:00:00.000-07:00

U noe its rather a race for power these days. I can sense it in your eyes, the way you act, the way you try to talk smooth. To my dear fren, it's not a fair thing to do. Indeed, you own the most capabilities to socialize and befren anyone, but your attitude is far beyond bad, its revolting.

I've just got my head set right today, and from what I see, I think there needs to be some kind of change here, before things get out of hand. I was indeed dissapointed when it did not involve several of my buddies. The worst, is when I realise now, that the main problem is not about you. Its my 'frens' I tot I could trust as well. Guys.. if u think that power and position is more important, so much so that you can break this promise we have of sharing every damn thing together, then lemme tell you this.

'U do something nice for me, and I'll repay it back 10 times more. U do something bad to me, then u bet I'll do the same to you'.

I was a fool to keep queit for so long.

U think, for a second, that a silent lamb is silent forever, then you continue tat way. I can do things to u you can never imagine.

Backtracking on myself...

2010-03-28T01:28:00.000-07:00

These days its no longer the same anymore. Scars... I have em. Pain, I feel em all the time. But not like this. Not one bit as close to as this. This hurt.. this new form of agony, is something I cannot understand, no matter nhow deep I try to find out. I've questioned myself so many times... and just recently.. I guess I found the answer.

I opened my heart, 100%, for the second time in my life. No one has ever done that to me, and now, someone did. LMAO.

I let go, true, but my heart did not. A part of my being and my soul is somewhere I will never get back.

Only time can heal those wounds I guess.

These few weeks have been, well... bland.

I've been slightly lost in direction. I've been wandering around my own world, losing all sense of direction. I don;t know what to do, what I want, what I wish for.

Thx to Aliaric, I guess I know what I need to do now. Its not my fault, but getting too attached is something I'll have to work out on myself. My emotions have all been jumbled up 360 degrees. My language is degrading itself, I'm losing time to being sobre and feeling sorry for my own ass, I'm getting overly aggressive at every damn thing. Just that day, Siew Li was kind enough to fetch us all to Uni, and one the way, the guards slowed us down. One of them wanted me to put on the tag, which I refused. I did not know why. I almost wanted to get out of the car, slam the door, grab any damn thing I could find and smash it on his head. It was an awful feeling. Worst, Cheng You was actually laughing in front, and I told him to shut up. I was never angrier in this entire month than I was on that day.

I went home that day, and basically tried to calm myself down.

Today, when I woke up, I knew something was different. I knew, from the moment I stepped out of the shower, sat down on the study table, and reached out for the QT notes, that I was getting somewhere. Becasue today, I felt lighter.

Time really does do wonders, if you just let it. I was a fool, and I apologize to those I've hurt in the process of getting my head cleared. I'm just an amatuer in this relationship thingy, and I realise now that matters only get worst if we blame it on ourselves. We gotta stay open about these things. =p

Thx lots and lots to Alz and Jake for being there when I needed a fren. U guys I owe alot to.

Lolz

2010-03-18T10:10:00.001-07:00

Hey guess wat. I guess I'm back to being the one-man-show-stoppin' me again. xDDD

Back to being single again.

Memories

2010-03-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Memories. Sweet, bitter, sour, spicy, hot, delicious, unforgettable, humilitating, despisable, disgraceful, disgusting. What are they for and waht do they mean to people like me? I can;t tell you a definite answer, but I'm sure as hell confirmed that my memories are always where the heart is.

Coming here to UTAR, I've been the luckiest man this semester. I've gotten the chance to know many kinds of new people, tried many new experiences, and most of all, I've got the chance to take on new challenges. The memories I've collected here are priceless, and I'll definitely never forget any of them.

I guess the most bitter sweet memories are for all to know, but I am darn sure, that they will still remain as a part of who I am.

Mr. Lim Zhi Wang, I think its time you grow the hell up and listen to your heart. We all have a reason to live for, and grimmacing and listening to emo music and drinking cheap and bitter (actually I hate it) beer doesn;t make you the million-dollar CEO you wanna be.

I'm gonna take life real serious this time.

'Quoting a random song - 'Thanks for the memories!' ;-)

I noe now

2010-03-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

U noe... it took me quite a while to figure the whole thing out. Initially, it was painful. Really, deeply, sadly painful. I couldn't just let her go. Funny thing was I was the one who wanted it, and now I'm the same person who's feeling all giddy and emo-ing 24-7.

I thought I could understand how u felt, and I thought I could understand what you needed, and what you wanted. Well, I guess I was wrong. I know it was not a good desicion, but it was the best decision to make, and I dun regret it. I realise how wrong I was when I started to blame it all on myself. I thought it was a mistake, and it was all my fault, from the beginning till the end.

U c.. that's waht happens to people who don;t grow up, people who are not matured enuff like mua. I was being unfair. I never thought, that for a moment, that you could also bear the same burden. I thought, that I had to do it, because it was me who started it in the first place.

Alex Mah, thank you so darn much. 5 minutes with you, and I realise that this road I;m taking doesn't necessarily mean I have to blame it all on myself. There is no right or wrong, no big or small in a relationship. Love is not measured by sole actions, letters, kisses and hugs. It's measured also by the extent that you are willing to go and the things you are willing to give up.

I was willing to go a long way, but I was not willing to give up a lot of things to stay with you. I'm selfish, and I'm sorry. But I guess that's the way it is. Fate does terrible things to people. ANd when the things you are unwilling to give up happen to be things that matter a lot to you, it all makes sense.

There is no happiness is coersion, and there is definitely no happiness in trying to win soemthing at the cost of something more.

There was the right person, but there was not the right time.

I don't regret my desicion. I only regret my fate.

Moving forward. That's my choice, and that's the same I hope from you.

Home-made dinner

2010-03-05T10:47:00.001-08:00

Hehex... My second 'home' a-la carte' dinner by Yi Theng. Its macaroni and cheese. (Don't let the casual plates fool you, the cheese was awesome!!!) Cant wait for more.. <333

Gambling at Cheng You (CY)'s house

2010-03-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

Won: RM4
Lost: 2 hours, 12 minutes and 47 seconds

Lolz. The pic was the best shot we had. the fellas on my left and right had 21, so did I. xDD

Death..

2010-03-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Well I don;t know why I'm doing this, but somehow I just felt that I had to let someone know what happened.

That night, I almost lost my life. I don;t know how to measure the severeness of the situation, nor did I manage to calculate anything to ascertain how much it damaged me, but I know one thing - I'm fking happy to be alive.

I went home to KL for the CNY. My sisters had my old room, and there were some minor changes to placements of rooms, so I had my sister's old room. The first night, it was all ok. A little while into the night, I started to sneeze. I thought it was the cold, so I ignored it. A little while longer, then I started to sneeze, harder, and more frequently. Somehow I managed to fall asleep, amisdt waking up with my nose all stuck and my throat sore. I ignored it, thinking it was nothing important. The second night, the same thing occured. When morning came, I told my dad the room was too dusty. He said it was impossible, as the maid had it cleaned out just recently. SO came day three. I was sleeping, and again the sinuses came. But this time, it was no ordinary sinus. My lungs contracted, my throat was filled to the brim with phlem, and my nose was severely clogged up. I had an asthma attack. I was gasping for air, barely able to breath. My vision was blurring, I couldn't keep a straight mind, and I fet my world zoning into darkness. I was scared. I freaked out. I thought it was the end.

Then somehow, I forced myself up, raced out of the room, and tumbled down stairs into the living room, where the air was supposely cleaner (what I thought). I hugged the pillow closely, curled into a ball, and began to breath... HARD. All that was on my mind was 'Oh no.. not now... I have too much to let go...' and all these things and thoughts began to fill my head. Luckily, I started to ease up, and so did the little clogs. Immediately my lungs took in a deep breath of air. I was saved, for now. I continued that way, weezing in and out of consiousness. I was tired, so tired. Eventually I began to slide downwards and ended up on the floor.

I woke up the next day, with a severe sore thorat, a bad sneeze, and a forehead, neck and body sweatingfrom exhaustion. I told my dad what happened and I was rushed to the clinic.

And this was what I got: I am allergic to aircons.

WTF?! How on earth could I be allergic to somehting I was exposed to for almost 21 years? The reason was simple. I was in Kampar for a long time now, where the waether is dry and hot, and the only cool times was when it rained and there was temporary moisture in the air. Therefore, I was used to the air condition here. When I went home, the room I slept in had its curtains drawn, the aircon at full blast, and a it was freezing cold. My body must not have been able to withstand such changes, and out of all the things that could have happened, my asthma struck me, after 17 years of liberty, and it struck me hard.

Of the things, I am grateful I could actually still do this blogging thing. Guess the aircon's a no-no for me from now on.

'I know its not much, but I just have to stop and say thank you for all the darn things I am so grateful to have, family, frens, my girlfriend, my grandparents and all those people who gave me reason to breath.'

Kampar... March 2010

2010-03-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

Kampar MMG - cnt beat the mamak king's, but it'll have to do. xD

Back on track with classes and lectures...

Found a new hobby - pool xDDD

Getting serious about group studies and assignments...

... but still leaving some time to celebrate Kelly's birthday.
Muahahaha!!! =3 (memang tak tau mati)

One word. Hot!!!! Its freaking burning!!! I remember Dr. XXX (cant forget his name, I only know he teaches us Sun Zi) saying there are certain conditions to use fire in war, and one of the best was dry and hot weather, thus quoting Kampar. TT

How do I describe it... ermm.... ok... its like you sleep half-naked, and when you wake up u feel all sticky and your face is covered with beads of icky swaet that sticks to your face like gum drops. And worst, the fan's on max 5, your table fan is on max 3, and even the little laptop cooler fans are on full turbo (laptop fans going *squeak!*). Going on to the streets at 12 pm is suicide. Unless you have a car, but even IN the car the aircon has to be somewhere around the middle bar. WARNING: CYCLING TO SCHOOL CAN GET YOU KILLED. Your hair starts to evaporate, then your face, then what's left of your already charred body.

I tried the hat. Trust me, it didn;t work either. I am sure you can fry an egg on the tar here. Thank goodness the IDK block aircons were up and running again, otherwise I'll be cooked, poached, grilled or somewhat seasoned up by now. TT

That's for the waether. The reason I have not been blogging, or literally doing any online activity, is due to the MID TERMS. *deng deng deng*. What's so big a deal you ask? I'll tell you what! 20 marks toward the final, and the only way I can get the 3.5 I promised myself or so help me I'll eat a horse (provided its scientifically proven that we can actually do that and I won;t get those wierd stares). TT I'm just so streesed up!! Urggh! I can;t even think straight. The stupid marking schemes and the stupid questions set was not difficult, and I can;t believe I fell for the few simple tricks. Now I'm praying. TT

CNY - part 2

2010-03-05T09:59:00.000-08:00

Not going to give much details here, cuz all I did was go back for like 8 days or so. The bottom line was this: I had angpaos (lots of em.. xDD); I lost at 21 (also lots TT); met up with several frens (especially that rascal Li Qun who finally decided to turn up after 10 years of hiding from the mafia for smuggling illegal pantyhoses *ngek ngek*) and had loads of darn fun. Weee~~~

Get the other info on facebook. My sis was crazy enuff to load the mega-pile of pics on da web.

Lalala~

First of many more

2010-03-04T06:37:00.000-08:00

Yeah.. My pre-CNY update. Took kinda long. xDDD Dam lazy. Will fill things in later. xDDD

The Weak... The Strong..

2010-03-04T05:59:00.001-08:00

Heres a question. WHo wants to be weak?

Being weak means you have to be at the losing end at every game. Being weak means you have to watch people overtake you, surpass you, and all you always get to do is eat dust and rub dirt off your shoes. Being weak means that you are worthless, you are nothing compared to people who are strong, who are powerful, who can control and dominate.

And what about being strong? That you have the advantage, you have the edge, the prowess, the strength, the speed, the agility, the intelligence, the power over somebody else.

Now heres the problem.

No one is perfect. So how in the world can there be the strong, and there be the weak? If god created everyone in his image, how on earth was it possible that some people can be better than others? Why is it that we have the poor the rich, the popular and the geeks, the strong and the weak? If the gods were fair and that everyone was born to do something, how is it that an innocent 5 year old can die in a car crash, and a criminal mastermind can live up to the age of 70 and die from old age?

Heres the solution

The gods played fair. We humans did not. Its all for a good cause if we even bother to look at things from a different angle, if we can take the time to diviate from this 'pessimistic' way of thinking things over.

A metoer hit your home. The first thing that comes to mind is 'Oh God! Why the hell did you do this to me?' You never cared to bother what if that metoer had crashed directly into you or your little sister playing near the beach.

A tsunami crashed into the seaside. You see your parents getting drawn away by the huge waves. You start going 'Oh God, NooOOOoOOO!!!' and blaming things on yourself and start feeling sorry. You don;t stop for a second to think, that there was a reason He let you live, that you were not flushed along with them.

A car crashed into you. You're paralyzed for life. You blame the world, every part of it, because you're jealous, because they can do what you cannot. You don;t stop for a second to wonder, to be tahnkful, to think of the million other things that MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED instead, worst things.

I'm wayyy over my head here. But the thing is this. Why is it that some people want to start feeling sorry, because someone else is stronger, better, more powerful? You were born with a reason, and that reason is to live. We humans, are selfish. We always are. We start to think, IF ONLY I HAD THAT< IF ONLY I HAD THIS. Why do you think kids watch spiderman over and over again? Because he fights bad guys and theres no more crime and the world is at peace? Yeah that might be the case in the early 1970s, but its no longer about humanity and what it means anymore. Its all about the glory, the superstrength. Oh if only I could climb walls, I wont be late for work. Oh, if only I could fly, I could save on airline tickets.

Adults are no better. Oh, if only I had that new Mitsubishi, I would give anything for it. Oh, if only I had a bigger house, then I won;t have to wake up and bump my head on my brother's top bunk every morning.

We're selfish, and this selfishness leads to greed, anger, wrath, lust and envy. Because we want things for ourselves. Because we want it all, we want the best.

So the next time you think you are weak. THink about this. A strong man who can lift a mountain, serves no purpose, if he wishes to move mountains for mere pleasure of the eye. The prettiest of damsels, is a mere distraction, if her beauty is all that she poses, and that is all she wishes others to see.

We are strong, when we can have the courage to give what we have, however little, to people who need them. We are stronger, when people know what you need, and they start giving back. And we are strongest, if all of us could have done the same damn thing to each other. Because then, they will be no more weak people in this world anymore.

So if you think you are weak, you are not. You never will be. Because you have something that others do not, however oblivious, however puny, insignificant to the eye. Because of this, you are unique, and that was why the gods played fair in the first place.

No one is weak. We are all strong in our own ways. It when you start to be jealous, and you want what others have, that the whole damn systems fails.

We live in the year 2010. Sad to say, it already has.

'Yea... we're all weak. But I would give something away, if it meant it could make someone else stronger. That way, in very pecliar ways, I find myself becoming stronger. Its a funny world the Gods made, and its by these funny rules that we shall play.'

The CNY BreK

2010-02-11T09:34:00.001-08:00

Just arrived home about 5 hrs ago. Placed my bags down, got a nice hot bowl of home-cooked soup and I'm savouring the joys of finally being home once again. To make things even better, the CNY's a-coming, and I just can't wait for it!! Wahahaah~~

Things I'm looking forward to:

1. Getting a new handphone. Mine's seriously out.

2. Getting angpaos, lots of em'. Ngek ngek.

3. Meeting the RO gang again (I hav to stop using tat term, the server's shut down)

Things I'm not looking forward to:

1. Mid terms are afta da CNY hols.

2. Assignments are due afta da CNY hols.

3. Draft papers and study groups are happening afta the CNY hols.

=_='''

Can't wait.... (drooling with anticipation)

'Blurr cuz I'm freakin tired, trying to find my notepad, constantly reminding myself to charge tat freakin handphone of mine and I keep forgetting... Current song in my head:Gong Xi Gong Xi Gong Xi Ni... xDDD'

random#1

2010-02-11T09:29:00.001-08:00

Lmao... playing restaurant city on facebook juz now and look hu turned up next to chef 'Van'? xDD

Hope ur doin fine Shiyame-chan!

Ps: Happy Chinese New Year guys!! Oh yeah, unless you already know, open house at my place on 'chu'5. Poker poker, mari. gg

Mc n Ots..

2010-02-04T20:17:00.000-08:00

Pat finally gave mua da pics!! Weeee~~

WTF Week

2010-01-30T10:54:00.000-08:00

I'm having a WTF Week. Seriously. I'm getting my hands dirty with QT, BA2, Macro, Law (oh dam u lawmakers... dam u), Eng (ok not so much the drama here) and last but not least Sun Zi's Art O' War (o yesh... the translated versions dont help tat much. Lolz.)

I'm still stuck at Question no.2 for my law tutorials and its already 3 in the morning, so watever! I'm taking a break.

The growing academic pendamic aside, it's my gf. Well, I noe she'll be reading this, so I'll put it as nice as possible. Over the week, I started to realise ur manners are... well.... downward sloping. It may not offend me that much, but I'm pretty sure anyone who sees you the way you are will throw me some bad comments. So pleaseeeeee... tone it up a little, k? ^^ N yes, stop saying 'I hate you'!!! I know its a joke but I keep receiving the same message so many times I'm really afraid its real leh!! TT

3rd. O brother. My english. Its... dying. For some ackward reason I find blogging increasingly difficult. I came up with several lame reasons. One, the things I'm doing are getting more and more technical, so much so it no longer requires the art of bombastic-ism, descriptivitization and beat-the-donkey-around-da-A4-paper. Two, my gf is using lay-man terms on me. (Not saying I dun like it though. xDDD requires less thinking). Three, I'm not making an innitiative to get the Star, my usual dosage of Reader's Digest or event the occasional glance behind the cereal box.

Conclusion? My english is dying... Grrr... I need to kick things up a notch but I don't seem to have the time. My hands are already tied down with tutorials.

4th. This is the REAL WTF. Assignments. Loads of em. All week long I've been saying with those glorious pumped up spirits 'I will finish this by week 2' *ends with applause*. Now its week two and I'm going around asking 'Eh, you in my group right.' Wtf?? I totally lost track of time, and the degree of difficulty is not helping. Last sem it was a 3 page essay. *shrug dust off shoulders*. Now its a 1500 word report. 'Walao sai mm sai orh!!* And not one like the last one, its 2, maybe more.

I'm lost for words, and time. And I can still find time to play Street Fighter 4 and chat with jake till late at night. OMFG. I need more timeeeee!!!

5th. My last WTF. This semester, I want a 3.5-ter. Yea , near impossible, I noe. Wat wif BA2 and Law. But this might be a blardy breakthrough for me if I can pull this off. Besides, this sem's subjects are not that difficult. I have even done Macro during form 6.

6th. My spending. Mom sent me a message saying I've over spent. Wayyyyyy overspent on my sms. RM78 on messages alone? This is serious. So from now on, either u jadi my FnF, or u write me an e-mail, k guys? xD

7th. I'm finding grey clouds instead of blue skies. Tension, pressure and expectations are mounting up, and I'm beginning to feel it wrath. I just don;t feel that jovial right now like I was before this sem started. Maybe its the 3.5.... ZzZ.

All in all... I need more time, more cash, and a Johny Walker (juz kidding).

PS: Jake went clubbing in KL when all this happened. Bah kata pepatah, 'Macam ni la kegunaan kawan. BIla lu perlu dia, dia lari tak tau ke mana. Biler u tak mau dia, dia mati mati pun akan suruh lu keluar 'yum cha'. Chen you ade 'project Jing-Yu'. Lucky Yi Theng's here, if not confirm lonely. xDD (soree bout that, felt like saying tat out loud, but then my housemate may think someone with bad Malay broke into the house)

'Headache. I will now end my post by enclosing the following: a little bit of anger, served with a side of Kampar bad weather, a side of pressure, tension and anxiety on a plate of aching shoulders, less happiness, extra dissapointment. Not well done.'

Blood Donation Campaign

2010-01-24T06:58:00.000-08:00

Ahaha!!! Did something realllyyyyy out of the ordinary thte other day. Took really long before I could upload the photos, so watever. xD

Went wif Jake, Cheng You and Ding An (Jake actually caled him Ding Shen and Ding **** before finally remembering his name). Really f-ed up day. Seriously, I was freaked out when I saw the needles and nurses and doctors. Zzz

So I cant say much here. Currently at the photostating shop. Really ackward having to blog here.

Chiaoz.

'Jake n CY are looking. Annoying betul!!! ZzZ"

Mass Call Photos are In

2010-01-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

Patricia!!!! U fault la!!! Wipe out our photos! T.T sob. Lol. Now we hav all these left. Not even one with us on the podium le!!!!

Zis' One of' Ze Dayz...

2010-01-16T06:57:00.000-08:00

Yezh... Itz one of ze dayz in ze lifez, u noe, when all ze thingz u do or dunz do juz seems zoo... excitingz..

F da french eccent. xD Spent a whole day with YT. Took her out for breakfast, lunch and dinner (ok Yee Hong drived us for da last part).

Its just remarkable, you know, that feeling. That carefree, non-chalant, totally-10000% pure 'you' feeling. No make-up, no masks, no walls in between. No nothing. Just you, a whole day of joy and freedom, and someone to share all that joys with you. Indescribable. xDD

Like a freefalling petal. Floating in the wind, no direction, no aim but just one final destination - to the ground. xDD Dun think anyone has any idea what tat meant. I dun think I do, but thats what its like. Everyday. its numbing. Its blinding. Its making u see colours, hear pain. Like a drug. xDD Its making you feel heat, chill and all the craziness all at the same moment. WeeEEeEEeEe~~ Its just... in one word, CRAZY.

Love begets love. Caring for one person opens a whole new chapter to what 'care' really means to you.

Thanks for making me believe. ^^

Digi quote: I will follow u. xDD

MC days are over!!

2010-01-15T00:49:00.000-08:00

Woohoo~~!!! Gao dim sai! Those boring MC days I put myself into are finally over. Syok! Now I have another prob.. I dun remember where to get those photos from the MC event... Guess I'll juz wait.

Not gonna go into detail.

Day 1 - Came back to Kampar.
Day2 - Practise (Noob one.. zZz)
Day3 - Came back for another round. (This one was better. We all went insane and laughed our ass off)
Day 5 - Another boring re-run of practises.
Day 10 - The big event (MASS CALL) *went well I guess =)
Day 11 - 3 talks, 3 hours, and all u did was *invite them onto stage, wait, thank u, rinse wash n repeat. zZz
Day 12 - Today. PTPTN briefing and career talk. Over and done with.

Yesh! Haha. The only good things that happened were:

1. Met new people - Patricia, Fiona, Nicole, Kumutha.
2. Shitu (tech guy) actually covered our supposedly hurtful story about a certain someone someone by saying: Ohh... its ur 阿头... 发 izit? *becuz our 'ah tou' was really bossy and pushed everyone around. Grr...
3. Nasi Lemak in Kampar can never be trusted. Most of da time its chilly peppers and dried belacan of some sort.
4. Talked in front of millions of people (there were like less than 100..)
5. Label Siew Li with just one word - cute, with a capital C.
6. Watched a drama of Jake and Fiona - the lost Sonata.

So I'm gonna go to bed now, n I'll bite if anyone tries to wake me up.

'Feeling great. xDDD'

Ipoh R U Down, Down, Down, Down, Down?

2010-01-10T05:33:00.000-08:00

Haha. A full day's trip to Ipoh town today. By a full day, I mean waking up at 10.38, brush my teeth, put some cloths on and waiting for Yee Hong and Pin Lee to come pick me up at 11.00. xD Then its off to Ipoh!! WooHoo~~

McDonalds for Lunch. xDD The favourite BigMac, Fishy-O-Fill, Strawberry Sundae combo. RM17++ T.T

Met up with Jake at Jusco. Got together for a quick movie. Bodyguards and Assasins. Really nice motion picture. Action, romance, more action, a touch of comedy and lots more ACTION!!! Loved it!! xD

Then went tie shopping. Needed one for the big rehearsal tomoro. But I never trust my own sense of taste, especially when it comes to cloths. >.<

Tis zis' how I look with the really freaky new bluish tie on. >.< I couldn't help it. It was so freakishly blue I had to have it. xD

Tats about it. Had fun today. xDDD

'Trying not to use any bombastic words, keeping my minds simple and at peace, waiting for a message, facebooking, cleaning my room in a while, trying on different formal wear and going to bed early today. Current Song running thru my head right now: Baby are you down, down, down, down, down?'

Love's Here

2010-01-09T08:46:00.000-08:00

Its the start of things to come. It might or might not be, but watever, right? As long as I believe, I know its going the right way. So many paths.. so many choices. Hope I play my cards right. So then, take a breath... 1... 2... 3.... Aha... It's here.

I'm drowning in love.

2nd sem results are out

2010-01-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

=p 4.0... finally some breathing space. xD

'zoning out, dizzy in my head. =____='''

Mis-fill in da blank

2010-01-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

Mistakes. Misunderstandings. Misdoings.

Its all these mis-things that bring someone down, no matter how high they are.

Important things is that u realise that ur at fault, and u do sumthing about it. Otherwise, ur no different from a freakin bastard.

First time's a slip, Twice shy, Three times and it becomes intentional.

Too much, and ur a blardy masochist.

Misleads. Misjudgement. Miscommunications.

It's always there. Two voices that dun bounce back create turbulence, and turbulence create high energy waves, and concentration of waves creates storms. Conflicts, in methaphorical terms.

And when people start denying, then conflicts cause more conflicts.

And it leads to arguments.

Even as the storm may settle, the damage has already been done.

Misdeeds. Mismatch. Missing.

A heart made of glass. So fragile, yet so beautiful to the naked eye. One small pebble, one small stroke of dust, air, or even the tiniest most punniest debris, can cause it to crack. A small crack will spread, and eventually, more cracks emerge in its place, until there is nothing left to hold, and its broken, shattered.

Piecing it back together, it will never be the same again.

And in its place, an empty space that will no longer fit the actual puzzle once again. Its no longer there.

Mistakes.

Created by people, for the people. People who never commit them are lying. People who commit them intentionaly are asses. And people who stand up and admit them...

.....Are winners.

'Written and designed for the sole purpose of reference and to addres the current morality faced by certain known associates - it takes a lifetime to build a glass tower, and mere seconds to watch it crumble. Owning up takes merely a second, but a bucketload of shame. The choice, is ours and ours alone.'

Back~

2010-01-05T01:46:00.000-08:00

Bak at Kampar again afta all the crazi-ass-ness in KL. Hahahahaha!!! Christmas and New Year was great, hanged out with frens, and ejoyed every darn moment of it. Now I'm bak and on to do the things I was destined to do!!!!

Sleep~! xD

Sleep~~~ <3<3<3

Jkjk... Helped Theng with her assignments andpress conference yesterday. Dam tiring. =___='' but was worth it. xD She's happy, I'm happy.

MC training ended about 2 hours ago. It was farkin boring. Nothin much to do. Met a new fren though, Patracia, who's gonna b my MC partner for the big Mass-Call thingy (I hav actually no idea wat they mean I'm like darn new to all this). So life's good. Starting classes soon. Cant wait. (Yea right lie on u bastard xDDD omg i'm talking to myself... >.<)

Havent made up wat to do for the next few days, but I'm feeling really relaxed and at peace. =) Love this feeling.

'Listening to Live Like We're Dying by Kris Allen, humming to the tune, trying to catch up to the lyrics, waiting for the rain to fall and the air to cool so I can take that nap I put off yesterday. Bahagia~~~ =D'

New Year Eve xDDD

2010-01-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

Lolz. Happy 2010. New Year's Eve was nothing less than crazy, fun and yea.. crazy all over again. The pics shud do all the talking. Mom and Dad went to Tian Hou Gong for the celebrations, and so we decided to take our grandparents to Victoria Station (with sponsorships.. xDDDD) for a really posh meal. Muahahahaha.

C!!! C!!! Tallest tallest!! xDDD

On da way to Victoria

Our drebbar aunty in a night gown. xD

Destination (stomach was darn hungry when was takin this...)

Ate up to about RM400+. Wee~~~ Awesome! Had a great time. Menu was oxtail soup, hot buns, a dozen escargots, a tendor sirloin steak and some sweet juices. Yummy. xD

Later on we went to Bkt Saga for the countdown. Sadly it was also too jam. Previously had planned to head for KLCC but that was impossible. So we went to the second best place. Another mamak near my place. XDD

This was a rather special period of my life. Cuz I actually managed, despite the heavy line traffic, to countdown with my gal in Kampar. Awesome~~ And when I said 'Happy New Year', there were fireworks right before me. That was one heck of a feeling. Hope she's feeling the same way. xDDD

Afta tat, went to CC's house to 'meneruskan' our countdown. Check it out, we were actually 'dui beh'-ing! PS: Ignore the fact its shandy. We didn;t had the balls to get Hennesy cuz I had to drive home later. xDD

And that, was how Mr. VanRyuzuki Lim spent his New Year's Eve. xDDD Happy 2010 boys and gals!

New Year Party + 3rd Uncle's Bday Surprise

2010-01-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

Haha!! New Year's Day was actually tiring. Had nothing better to do all day. Well that was until 5.30pm when mom suddenly said we were going to Klang for a party. At my cousin's. xDDD yesh!!! In ur face, boredom!!!!

=____=''' then this happened. Apparently the right diafragmential bolt holding the braking system was faulty, paired with the substaintial damage of overheating from the car's rear metallic componenets due to friction from the metal sidebars leading to a total breakdown of the car near the freeway. (ok.. the brakes rosak). BOth our 1st and 3rd uncle appeared at the scene to our rescue in less than 15 minutes. The car had to be swithced though, so we followed them instead, while the faulty Estima was sent home.

Moment we got there we were freaking hungry, so gobble gobble!! Having 'lok-lok' today!! Woohoo!! Our fourth aunt (my cousin's mom) rented the whole 'lok-lok' car, and we could eat everything in it. I was going like WooWW!! Awesome again~~~ So we ate about 47 sticks of fried, steamed and roasted goodies. xDDD =p

Afta tat was to the room to settle down and relax. Had a game of cards. Suddenly, I saw a really peculiar 'Pokemon' themed game. Curious, I took it out, and everyone wanted it. So that was the same bladry thig that got us posing, laughing, and LMAOing for 3 hours until we had to 'balik'. LOLZ.

Then my cousin was crazy enuff to place a condom over his *ahem* balloon, and actually pose for people. xDDDD Damn funny!!

I cant type much, cuz I'm freaking tired and I have to get ready to head back to Kampar on Sunday. So let the pics do all the talking. xDDD

Happy New Year again people!! See yas soon!

Rudophl's Craziness

2009-12-30T12:41:00.000-08:00

Lolz. The session to be Merry and all that. Having the time of my life back home at KL. Everyday its either going out for yum cha, sing k, Left 4 D 2, Shopping, Mall hopping, having dinner, grabbing dessert, house visiting, crashing into Robson's family dinner or just movies. Lolz.

Already went for 2 movies already. Sherlock's and Avatar's in da bag.

Going for a countdown tomoro at KLCC. Phew.... Heavy schedule huh? Mom n Dad's already pissed cuz I'm going so much. Shud lay low for a while now. =p

Last decent activity I did was take my sis to Low Yat to get her new laptop. Dell Inspiron 1440 at RM2k... okok la.

Well I just got back from another yum cha session with the gang. Finally beat the 2 tankers in the estate thingy round. (Chern Chiang still died even when we all had a chance to race to the boat, causing Rob to curse non-stop xDD). Then it was off to the mamak. Well... its been the same these few days straight. ^^ Killing myself, I noe. But I won't get to do it once I'm bak at Kampar, no? I dun understand y mom n dad's so worked up about it. Zzzz.

Well, while blowing water, (a skill I acquired to a rather high personal achievement level lately), we developed several thoeries of interest. xDDD

1. Robson sitting solemnly then asking us a question one day when we were driving near Bukit Bintang.

Rob: Lemme ask u all. What's the top 10 most dangerous weapon in the world?

Discussing discussing.**

CK: Easy one. Flip chair.

Everyone laughing.**

CK: (continuing...) One. It's light. Two. Rather damaging.

Me: Yea. Then three its cheap.

CK went wtf. Then laugh summore.

Rob: Lol. Yeala. Then afta hit people until tired can sit down.

CC: Zzzzz.

2. 2520 theory.

(took me a few weeks to figure out wats so reat about 2520. It was his darn car plate. Zzzz)

3. Rob: Thereare only 2 types of ppl in the world. Either u are very yong sui. Or very yeng. Yeng people go makan, u get leng zai discount.

Average leng zai: RM50 discount.

Leng zai : Free

Damn leng zai : The waiter pays u RM50.

Then if your damn yong sui oso nvm. No one sees u, so no one bothers taking the money afta ur done eating.

There lots more, but I forgot, and am too lazy to rmmbr. But the LMAOs never stopped. xDDD

Bottom line.

1. CK ffked the Genting trip and the night b4 Christmas

2. Robson finally sang at Red Box, Mid Valley.

3. Mok's in love.

4. CC's more outgoing and his singing improved. A LOT.

5. RO Xpk server's finally closed.

6. Red Box's Sing K is darn expensive. Zzzz

7. The Maggi Goreng near my house is still da best.

8. Never mistaken a slipper for something and shove it aside. It may cause Robson to search

everywhere for it once the movie's over.

9. Never get Mr. Wong to sign ur cert.

10. CK finally decided to decide to buy a shirt.

11. Never soak phone in water for 2 hours. It ruins the phone and the opportunity of taking snap

shots of Christmas decors. T.T

12. Try avoid wearing purple shirts and a white short. Robson finds it very easy to bump into

someone wearing the same design.

13. Big Apple donut's aroma can be sensed miles away.

14. Nando's extra hot peri peri sauce served on already extra hot peri peri dish order = GG

Robson.

15. Ali Baba's fat counter guy has a serious issue.

16. A Lancer without wheels looks better than a local car.

17. Robson can take on 10 people. But thats the whole number, cuz he's gonna b the only one

fighting.

That's all the crap I can muster. It's really late, like 5.30 am and I'm typing all this so dun expect much. xD Having a little bump emotionally btwin my parents n I but hope it settles soon. I'll do more posting afta 2moro's countdown. Hopefully we'll get better pictures. =p

C yas. Happy 2010 people!!

'In the middle of a rainstorm (emotionally), angry and anxious at the same time, feeling blue, Yi Theng's phone's apparently down so no one's cheering me up, noxious and feeling giddy. Zzzz. Current song in my head:Empty'

The New Dawn 2010

2009-12-24T07:48:00.000-08:00

Well I guess its pretty early to be posting this. But this year has been well... more than I had expected it to be. Not awesome, not perfect, but more than I had hoped for.

2009. January this year I was still grieving over the hard times we had together enduring the battered ship known as Form 6 sailing barely over the ocean of survival and knowledge. One year ago to this date I was still cringing to thoughts of failure and resentment, doubting if I could ever be what I wanna be, lost in my own world, entwined in dashed spirits and anxious moments that cut me open and let me to bleed.

I was still a kid. I still am. 20 doesn't mean your all grown up. It doesn't give you the right to set things into motion, 'assuming' you know where to go. 20 isn't at all about telling the world you have a 'free pass' to do whatever, whenever. But 20's the age you know you're no longer that person you were yesterday. Its the time of your life you balance out all the risks, the consequences, the pain, the gain, and every damn thing in between. So no.... I'm no longer a kid. I'm above that. =)

April came and it was towards the end of that month (closely after my birthday), that I actually began to visualize what my life would look like, how I would walk the road of life to get to those destinations I had desired, and... In the process I became otherwise enlightened to one fact - that life is not one darn straight road. U have to know what to do at bends, crossroads, problems that go way overhead, turns that are so sudden and falls that are so steep that one wrong move could be entirely disastrous. Yet, I learned one more thing as well. It's that if we were to stop, then we either get knocked over, or taken over. You don't do that. At least not yet. Until u reach where you are or your tires burn out, that is. Cuz that's when u know u did all you can, and u will have no regrets.

Then came May. Emotions were blurring, anger was rising in me. I 'thought' I had known what to do. I 'thought' I had a good grip on my life. Then it all came crashing down. I argued. A lot. With frens. With family. With people I knew and cared for. Yet I still thought I was winning. Wining... lol... it was everything at that moment. The last laugh, the last blow. U had to have it. It was a trend. It made you look so f***ing good! Yet at the same time, it shatters you. It breaks you apart. U begin to realise that all that you have 'won' you lose in the end, because who cares? No one's gonna share those winnings with you.

And then there was that someone. She couldn't get out of my head, or least to say I could't let her go. It drained every part of my soul. I was lost, I was angry, and I was hungry for attention and a certain degree of respect. Then one day, I stopped. I gave up. I found out an even better way to make peace with the world. Be emo about it. About everything. About life. About thoughts. About dreams. I screwed it all, threw my hads up in the air and said to myself 'Let it happen, I don't care'.

And still I couldn't find a reason to move forward. Form 6 played it part really well here. It taught me a lot. It thought me about who I am. What I was capable of. And the truth is, I actually liked being with Daniel and his funky-freshness, Aliaric and his insanity, Chee Kar with all this put aside was still my best partner when things went wrong, Chern Chiang and Robson, two really interesting peeople that came into my life and changed, even if you didn;t know it, a big part of what I thought I could be; Mok and Hannah, who gave me a purpose to fight and stand my ground in competition, and all the other characters I had chosen to write in that silly little story. Fact is, I never really knew it till now, that you guys and girls made my 1 1/2 years in MBS that much worth the while.

Then of course there are the other people who changed my view point of the world. Little miss Meiling, who's happily dancing to her piano right now. She taught me, again I don't think she knows it (har d har har), the meaning to chase what's yours, and to not let go. The RO gang - Kwok who taught me there are wort things to cry about and share about and laugh and talk and cry summore about than being emo all the blardy time, Iko and Reen who shed some light in letting me know we will never be alone, no matter our differences, and if you like something, just go ahead and do it. Then theres Leader, Truth, the guy who can't stop complaining. Lol. Noe wht? Even he taught me - that you shoud never be too careful out there, that there are people out to get you. That you don;t have to care about how people judge you (or your e-calls xD) and just be yourself.

And of course Miss Jian whos sihat sejahtera in Australia. ^^ She's been a trully awesome fren, one that can light up your day with a seemingly harmless joke or sarcastic remark.

There is just so many more people that had been giving me little pointers here and there. Mom and dad's the biggest players. They've been there, every time I needed something. It was dadwho told me to not worry a darn thing, and go ahead to Kampar, to go after my dreams. Mom, who after so many years of yaking and scolding, still managed to smolder me with the love and affection, even shield me from things I never knew I had gotten myself into, which is the beauty of it because she never wanted me to know them.

April 30th. The day I left. On my own. Still I was a pain in the neck, but leaving KL behind, I was, truthfully, dumbfounded and scared half to death. Lol. I typically remember the ticketing officer who gave me those stares, its like he's telling me 'U're too weak to survive'. Yeah.. I was. I was freaking myself out at every darn moment. Yet something else was inside me. Something different. All my lfe I wanted to away from that old me. To run far far away and never come back. Guess what? Now I was about to leave for a few months and I'm shaking like a prune tree.

It only serves to tell myself, that for all the good there is in the world, I had no darn clue what I was doing. Yeah.. I knew I was going to study. Economics. I knew I was going to get new frens. Meet new people. But it was more than that. Much much more than that. I was going to find myself. My own 'me'. Not the one that was stereotyped by my parents, or the one I dreamt wildly about. It was going on the journey of my life, I just havent realised it yet.

May. The month of budding roses. Indeed. Came across white roses the first time I set foot there at Kampar. It was just me, my bags, and Kye Hoong, the to-be-roommate and good fren. I remember walking past the edge of lake and staring out into the scenery and saying to him. 'Eh Kye Hoong, you know what? One day.... I'm going to have a house, and it's gona be at least the size of the ones over there.' Kye Hoong replied, 'Nah... it's too small. I'll have the houses circling the lake instead.' We laughed. And tat was what started it all. My first real partner, and the same guy I chatted with since the first day at UTAR, Perak Campus.

It was also during this very month that I began to realise how noobish I was. Compared to everyone else around me, I was either too skinny, too young, too tall, too bleak, too weak, too slow, or just plain ordinary. But things like this change. Yes, they do now, but not yet back then. First class, cycled to skul on a really hot day. I still remember that day, the class, but not the people though. I remember rushing in and the first person I said hi to was the same person that was going to change my life forever. His name, was Tay Yee Hong, and he was the same person who brought what was to be known as FE-TG1 to an entirely whole new level.

UTAR was otherwise different from the usual life I had back in KL. Being alone in a location in the middle of nowhere is somewhat, untantalizing. There was no theater, no shopping mall, and no Starbucks coffees. And here, you're on your own. Surprisingly, Adapting was not a problem. I've done it a 100 times before. It's keeping things fresh and alive after that that makes it so darn difficult. To tell you the truth, I knew the entire 24 of my new classmates, the infamous FETG1, the entire housemates I live with, other than Kye Hoong, and the numbers keep on rising. Yet, the fact is. I'm all alone. I'm not even myself. I had one and only one purpose there, and that was to escape. From who I am. To see what I could be with my old self left behind. And sadly, I became the same thing again. Dry, emotional.

Things got a tad better come June. I met my first true fren there, Cheng You. He's not much of what you call a strong character, but he was otherwise independent, and he dared to go where no others dared to venture to. Tis newfound frenship lightened my load a little. I was slightly more relieved, cuz at least I had someone who understood what I was going thru. Next was Siew Li and Winnie, who listened to what I actually had to say. Things got even better, when Young came in. Now, I'm not pushing on because I feel emotional or anything but I just want them to know, if ever they are reading this, the amount of indirect advice they have given me. Then, there's Jake. Interestingly enough, we are two worlds apart. He was jovial. I was the emo bastard. He had ex-galfrens. I had a sad past. He was a joker. I was a loser.

Then, miracles happened. I felt... wanted. I felt, for the first time in my life, that I could actually do, what I had always wanted to do. I starting to let things come as they are, and smiled more than ever. I was acing papers. I was cracking jokes. I was waking up in the mornings asking 'Whats for today'. Life has been wonderful. I am actually getting interested in what's instore for me.

August came, and things went insanely well. Frenships were more than ever close. I was the class photographer already. I was making a film for the class already. I found peace at last. But there were still ghosts haunting me, and I am yet to get them out of my head.

The semester switch changed everything. By then, I had not yet realized it, but I had changed. Little by little, the words are still the same, the mistakes and clumsiness's still there, but my view point, my attitude and my principals, have all been shaken. Because, I met the most interesting little darling in Kampar, Perak. Interestingly, we met at the mamak stall when frens brought thier frens over for a chatting session. Even more interesting, we talked, because we were the only two people at the table who found it hard talking in the first place. She was interesting, and down right attractive. Plus, she has a heart of gold. There is so much more I want to know, to give, to love; and by God's will I dare hope I will be able to. More than anything, she's been a beacon of hope for me. For the first time in the past 2 decades, I was fighting habits to set myself straight. I was making an initiative to became more than I am. I was making promises and keeping them. I was... finally... given someone to love, to care and to protect. And I swear by all things I will.

So came December, and the holidays. Homesickness has long past me. I was stuffed with dreams and hopes ad I know where I'm going. (Dad's going phew...) And now its Christmas. The day to be thankful and of sharing. I'm not a Christian, but I do believe in the goodwill that this holiday brings, and the good intentions it bears.

So let me just say this. 2009's been a rather strange, yet forgiving year. It's the year that I was blessed with the gift of self-realisation, frens and better ties with my family. It's the year I was given the chance to prove myself and all that I'm worth, and to never doubt myself ever again. It's the year I was brought to know the meaning of love, and to learn the meaning of having responsibility. So for all the good in this world, and to all the people who have cared, and that have started to care; loved and started to love.

A Merry Christmas.

And a Happy New 2010.

Love you people.

The next year's going to be more than ever, important, for me, for my family and frens, and for Yi Theng and I. So here on out I have to learn what I can, beat the odds and become the person I have dreamt to be. That, is my new year resolution. Lol.

New Roommmm~~~ xDDD

2009-12-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

Syokkkk giler~~ Moved in about an hour ago. Now getting all the mouldy stuff out and all the new stuff in. xDDD Seriously dirty laaa the previous owner. (Peter u die d!!!) Wiped the darn florr 7 times and its still sticky. swt.

The room's much more spacious now. Loving it! xDDD

Gonna chill, relax and then study for English paper tomoro. (yea right)

haha nitez all...

2009-12-19T14:42:00.001-08:00

lol... i'm damn bored. nite all!! xDDD

How we Utarians make use of Post-Exam Fridays @ Da Hostel Room

2009-12-17T20:33:00.001-08:00

1. Hot Chocolate You never go wrong taking a hot cup of chocolate in the mornings... especially on a 'rare' cool one like this.
2. Doing something productive online Facebooking never hurt nobodyone noe? xDDD

3. Stare out the window Oh yeah... O the joy in this... oOOoooo... Its just... so... sad. *emo*
4. SMS-ing checking on other people. Spamming lunch invites, Cyber Cafe outings and harassing innocent coursemates. Muahahahaha!!! (untill u realise u run out of credit.. *emo*)

5. Munch Muchies, Musiz Cubes, Choco Bites, Cadburies, Oreos, Cheese Bisuits, Num Nums, Mentos Mints, Sour Blasts.... Nuff said. xDDD

6. Take over housemate's room yea my housemate Peter's left for Singapore, so his empty tenancy's been taken over by mua. So doing some interior designing now. Muahahahahaah!!!
7. Serious Cleaning I noe wat ur thinking. 'Its just a broom!!' Not any broom!! That broom and I spent a whole hour cleaning the mess in my room, that had nothing at all to do with my or my laziness or my lack of innitiative to do that one week clean once thingy and so happened to fall out of the sky and litter my room. Shish!

8. Hardcore Studying ... of how to arrange my books in chronological order, sorting out the out notes and dishing the useless piles of papers. /gg

9. Camwhoring finding really bad excuses to take sad, pathetic pics of myself, look at them, laugh until it hurts, delete them, then repeat the process.
10. And when all else fails... Sleep My fav hobby. xDDDD

'Dreaming of life back in KL, smsing that precious little thing on her way to Singapore now, and actually doing all of the above. xDD
Current song humming in my head now: Bawimbawap~ Bawimbawap~'

Exams (and finally the headache from celebrating) 's overrrr.. for now..

2009-12-17T01:20:00.000-08:00

bad pic la really... we look dam 7 stiff... no thx to cy's photo skills

GOt marketing finally over and done with yesterday. Phew. Only reason I took this long to blg about it will be clear soon... xDDD

The marketing paper was a little touher than I expected it to be, but still staying positive. xDD The tupid guerilla marketing question is still bugging me.. >.<

Afta exams, it was home, take a shower, and spend the rest of the night at Yi Theng's place, doing assignments, watching Super Junior, Wonder girls and more Korean stuff. She's seriously a huge fan. xDDD

Stayed for a while. 4am. Crazy buncha ppl headed for McDs. CY decided to come along this time. So did Jake. Bastards... xDDDD Again. T.T Breakfast was getting mre and more bored. But got to do insane stuff - like forcing ppl to do the 1 -10 fingers poses. muahahahahaha. Will get to posting them soon ... maybe on facebook. ^^

Well... still having post-traumatic effects. >.< Theng's gonna go to Singgy soon... wont see her till afta the hols. T.T Gonna miss her.

Yea... finally able to move to a single room. Weeee~~~ Ok fine its just one floor downstairs. Still I'mmoving, right? xDDD

'Ouch.. headacheeeeee!!! >.<'

Yay!

2009-12-13T20:52:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I've blogged for no aparrent reason.

Yeap... SO now Im doing oit again.. for one apparent reason.

PM paper down with!! xDD Hope I passed. Objective paper tembak aje. ^^ Essay hope I did it correctly. Positive about the outcome, but I know I didn;t do my best for the paper. But WTH right? Marketing's in 2 days!!! /pif

Studdyyyy!! Rawrrrr~~

'Waiting for delivery, missing Yi Theng like mad and banging head against Marketing - Integrated Marketing Channels. >.<'

Its My Lifeee~!!

2009-12-12T11:13:00.000-08:00

Woooooooooooooooooooooooo~~~

xDDDDD

=)))))

^^

Yeah... Having the best moment of my life right here, right now. Met the sweetest thing in Kampar, and she ranks highest in my world now. =3 Feeling like the happiest man alive. xDDD Thing is, we're heading for a real bumpy start. I know what's it gonna be like, what's it gonna feel like, what's it all gonna mean for both me and her but seriously, I dun really wanna care!! ^^

Like Savage Garden,
'I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me... '

Been thinking long and hard about many things in life since she came into mine. Bt myself. Bt what I've done, what I'm yet to do. Thing is, surprisingly so, she's making me become a greater me, so to speak. I'm starting to make decisions, so big and so wild I never thought I could. So much so I know, that whatever happens, I know I have to be ready to catch her when she falls. And judging from what I am now, I'm not going to be able to do that yet. So its time I start learning to prepare myself for anything.

I havent had this feeling in a long time... Warm, fuzzy... Like roses on a summer's day. xDDDD

Best part?

I dun find no reason to be emotional about anything anymore. Woooot~ xD

Dunno how long its gonna last, this feeling of exhiliration I mean. I do hope it stays. Long enuff for me to proof to both of us that I'm ready for whats to come.

So right now, I'm enjoying life's sweet nectar with all the zest of a 20 year old. ^^

Okok ovey dovey aside. Exams are nearing. I mean that literally. Its 2moro. xDD Pengajian Malaysia. Pin Lee said I've already aced 38/50 for the mid terms. Means 12 x 2, ... 24 marks to pass the darn subject. ^^ But passing won do. Hav to test myself. Been doing some crazy shyte lately, things I might or might not blog about cuz I'm still drowning in ecsatacy. WeeeeeeEEeEEEEe~~~~ xDDD So to all the FETG1 folks, good luck! To the KL ppl, happy Hols ya'll!! To Mr. Ruben, Happi B-day! To kwok, NOOB! and to everyone else, merry 12-days to Christmas!!! xDDD

PS: no... I'm not drunk. ^^

'Smiling like a blardy idiot, ignoring my body's urge to sleep, and playing 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5 in my head over and over again. xDDDD'

=33 Dear Yi Theng =33

2009-12-09T04:49:00.000-08:00

I know its going to be a rough start. I noe things are not going to be easy for both you and I. But one thing's for sure. There is no way I'm going to give up.

I dont care what people say about us. I dont care how tough the road is ahead of us. All I know is how much I care and adore you.

Believe in yourself all the time, because your smile alone can light up my life. Ur every movement, from the littlest of things to the touch of my hand, turns my world around.

Love ya. ^^

Cheng You's Bday

2009-12-09T04:44:00.000-08:00

Yup!! 9th of Dec happens to be my bradda's bday, and so what does it all mean to the crazy class of FETG1?

P
A
R
T
Y
!!!

Woooot~ Most of it was his own idea btw. xDD

Found~

2009-12-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

All the pain's gone,
All the words once left unspoken,
Now ceases to continue exchoing in my head.
The darkness of the yesteryears are finally behind me.

Because, finally, I'm found.

'Now theres two less lonely people in the world.' ^^

Won the fight, now on to the war~

2009-12-03T07:41:00.001-08:00

Yup. Its done. Gt it off my shoulders finally. Now I can get back to studyin. Exams coming... Finals this time. THe real deal. WooO~~~

o.O

Took us hell lots of time but we got it done anyway. With much joy and relief~

PS:kinda happy the teach said we did a good job. ^^ note to self- remember to start takin pics with ppl's FACES not BACKS. =_=''

Back Home... Awesome feeling~

2009-12-02T06:36:00.000-08:00

Ever get that feeling... you wake up in the morning and everything just doesn't seem to fit together? Like shatered pieces of a puzzle you used to be able to put together, but it juz doesn't seem the same? Like you juz don't belong? In proper terms (withdrawing all the fancy talk), its homesickness. And I was suffering a huge deal of it for the past few days.

Well things got much much muchhhh better. Evening of the 22nd, Kelly told me she wanted to head home to KL as well. Imagine the overjoy flodding me at that moment. Dad's birthday was in 5 days, and I get to go home and meet the people I cared for, again. ^^

Now I ain't going to go into detail on all the stuff that happened. But in short, I got to reconnect, with people, some I never thought was ever possible again. And most importantly, I get to remind myself of who I was, and set my life straight. The feeling was awesome when I got back to homesoil. I remember telling Kelly 'You know how you know you're back home?' She shook her head. 'When the bus starts to slow down, and you know ur in a jam - ur home.' We laughed. Actually we talked all through the trip that night from Kampar back to KL. It was nice, really. Havent had that sort of feeling in a long time.

Thursday night was the day I stepped home again for the first time in months. God.... Everyone was the way they were. Mom, dad, my siblings, even the cuddly little dog. Warms the heart. Havent hugged them in what felt like decades, and when I did, my heart was crying. I juz didn't know it yet.

Dad's birthday. Haha... Well... fantastic night. We rented some sort of a barbeque diner place, where they had one of those stone barbeque sets and steamboats. Not the best I've tasted, but it was indeed special. Apart from my dad's surprised face when we threw him the party, I was rather taken aback by the people who actually turned up after these years. Uncle and Aunty Tang, Li Huan (omg the dude's english proficiency is outstanding. Plus, he's as tall as his brother when Li Qun was his age, maybe taller), Jason Moi (the same old thespian, and a great cook too xDD), Chee Kar (back in town finally, since I missed the last reunion), Wy-san (prettier and prettier by the day), Jo Yee and Jo Yenn (latter's thin, lol! and Jo Yee's jovial as ever), Jen Ruw (he's put on some weight, but not lost his wit) and least expected, Jen Ric (has professionalisme written all over him).

Getting together again after so long, seemed, well... interestingly likeable. We got to catch up on what's been missing all this while. Still, most of us has changed. I can tell. Wish I had more time to chat that night, but the wasn't much. Anyway after dinner Chee Kar and I headed of for the next big thing - I didn't want to waste anymore of my time back here, and I didn't have much of it to speak of.

The RO Gang + Jason Moi @ Old Town White Kopi - where it all started. Only thing missing that night was our frens Wai Kit and Hannah. Lol. Ackward, eh? Seemed so at first, but leave the talking to Jason and you don't go wrong. Robson was still..... erm... Robson. I was expecting some 'Jay Chou' or 'Light Yagami' look but he was still the same olde Robson-L-Ng. xDD Chern Chiang was never better (Tommie grew hugeeee!! Even attempted to bite me when I got near the mutt xDD). Well... the same blow water sessions, talked chatted, and LMAO-ed all night.

Saturday - time really flies when ur packing ur days with all sorts of stuff (mostly fun stuff, anyway. xDDD)

Got to go down to TS for some shopping.

Got a new pair of sneakers for RM89.90. Liked em' GG.

Finally got my hands on my first cup of Java Chip Frap in months! And it was awesome!

Later that night mom and dad decided to take us all out for Jap Food. Sweet stuff~ Renaissance style. But the selections were rather limited. Lovedddd the suki-yaki. Soup was great, beef was tender. It was magnificant. Hope I took a snap shot of it but unfortunately, Mr. Ericson here had his battery drained.

Supposed to get together and maybe go clubbing that nighht but it didn't happen. Rob called and since we were all too tired we called it off.

Sunday. Noticed my schedule yet? No rest. At all. I thought I had to push on but it was really taking a toll on me.

Went down to Klang for Bak Kut Teh. All I had to say was Oyiiishiiiii-nehhh!!!!!! =p Same night I got home I headed out again. RO Gang once more, and we were off to Asia Cafe. Supposedly we were to get together at a club, but Kwok had to work, Iko had exams, and Shereen was erm... seriosuly I dunno. SO no club. Pool instead.

Seriously, I hope I had concentrated on taking more pics rather that poking the cue ball with the stick. Miraculously, I beat CK to a rather lucky table. He kept hitting the 8 ball into the sidepockets, and lucky me~ Then came Robson vs urs trully. His 'yat zi yong' skill was terrifying. He could score anything as long as it was on a straight line. Well the entire trip there, I took dad's car. Setiously, it was freaky. The moment I go more than 80km/h the gears go tremble, the engine goes shaky and everyone in the car goes 'Oi! WTH was that!!' Its a miracle we actually made it to Subang Jaya, no thanks to Chee Kar's GPS who scammed me - made me take some wrong turn then say 'rerouting'.

Supposed to go back to Kampar that day itself, but what the hey. I took the liberty to stay another day. So came Monday. Went to Mid Valley to catch Phobia 2 with Tong Yuan and Ah Xian.

After tat more random-ness.

And then it was back to Kampar again. So here I am!! Seriosuly guys. Its not funny when u start missing ur family. I did. And going home and knowing they are still there for me, makes me all the better inside. ^^ Gtg. Have some crazy assignment tomoro.

Still lokkin forward to Genting, CNY and some of the others in Singgy and Aussie. xDDDD Happy Hols peeps!!

2009-11-24T14:58:00.000-08:00

waseh... exams again... will blog again soon.

out of order for a while~ xDD

I dun make the rules, I juz follow em.. and look where it got me... xD

2009-11-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

A rule. A distinctive guideline of appropriate behaviour that is deemed acceptable, be it verbal, physical or anything in-between by people around you.

Theres two parts to a rule. Theres the followers, and theres the setters. When you say 'I obey the rules' you're a follower. Obedient, docile and a widely accepted commoner. 'If 'I disobey the rules' you're an outcast. Rebelious, unworthy and displacable.

Well.. rules aren't what they used to be anymore. Rules in traditional times were meant to be a mere guideline for future generations, by instilling a sense of fear to keep people in line and order. As times change, people change, and every darn thing in the world changed, but the rules did not. Many stayed stagnant.

With the dawn of the new age, people are no longer confounding themselves to the said rules, nor do they continue to follow them blindly. Our senses, observations, cunning, analytical skills have already been boosted to a level that we can tell right from wrong, without someone setting it for us pre-handed. The time has come where we can already think for ourselves, make choics that best suit us, even if it goes against the 'rules'.

But what if... the original setters of these rules didn't want to keep thier promise in the first place? What if... they have been so darn addicted to being in control all this while, they refuse to let things develop by themselves?

'Its for your own good' - over-controlling parents.
'We know whats best for you, and your country' - overpowering nations.
'We noe whats best for the people.' - over-thier head political parties.
'Trust me, its in our best interests.' - suppresive employers.

Its not something new anymore. Everyone have this feeling. That ur being caged up. Ur abilities suppressed. Confined to doing whats 'best for you', whats 'in your interests' and all that bull. I'm not saying its wrong. I'm saying that its a fact. Its happening. They say 'if you love something, set it free.' But what they all want, is 'if you love something, keep them close to you, as close as possible, destroy anything that gets in the way, even if you have to lie, cheat, and steal.'

U noe why dreams don't come thru? You noe why half of the people you noe, are confined to being 'happy' yet they feel like something is missing?

Its this freedom of change.

This sense... that was once a mere longingness to break free from tradition and constituition, but because of our high levels of exposure today, is creating a whole new dimension of perception and beliefs. Gays, lesbians, transexuals, urbanisasion. These people dont follow the rules. They make them as they go. They believe in what they think is best for them , in thier own interests. Theyhave that feeling for change. And when you compare it all at the end of the day, they might not have the pleasure of perfect socitial acceptance. But they do have a sense of 'completion', simple, natural genuine feeling of perfection from the heart.

I'm not a pro-homo or watever, but my point is, these people know what the hell they are doing, and because they know what they are doing, they can put up a really good fight, against anyone, because its right. Justice always triumphs in the end and all that.

Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself a few questions:
1. when was the last time you had a heart to heart talk with someone.
2. when was the last time you didn't have to be somebody other than yourself to get what you want.
3. when was the last time you did something for someone else and was 100% pleased with it, with no expectations for returns at all?
4. when was the last time you had the liberty to eat, walk, talk as you see fit, and felt good about it?
5. most importantly, when was the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back and said 'you did a good job?'

U can continue to lie to urself. I can continue to feel like I'm loving every moment of my life, but in fact I'm not. I can continue to say I satisfied, but in fact I want it all. I can continue to pretend that I'm somebody, but in reality ur somebody is only applied when people approve of it.

U c? Rules. Like it or not. We're doing it. Obeying some. Breaking some. Every, single day. Thing is, who the hell set them anyway? God? Did God tell the world that your destiny is to go to school, get a degree, work, get rich and then die? Did God set the rule that you're unworthy if ur not a good-looker, ur not a good speaker, ur not a good thinker, ur not a good anything-er? No.... God loves us all the same. Its the people in between that is mixing things up, controlling us like the puppets we are. Its the same people who told you to stay in school because street dancing is not for you. Its the same people who tell you that its vital to support them if you want to stay alive. Its the same people whos telling you to walk on the right side of the road, study cuz thats the only way ur gonna make it, watch TV and movies, listen to Oprah, getting wed, a car, a house and a good job is the perfect 10 of your life, stops you from dancing in class, trying out a new flavour, a new recipe, a new design because its 'stupid', telling you that your plans wont work, wearing formal to work is the way to go, working 9-5 shifts are the perfect income jobs, oversea goods are much much better than local ones and of course the same people who tell you that there is no way you can match them, because you are unworthy and they are always better than you.

And you know what? We listen. Yup. 'I obey the rules'. Because its wrong. Because they are older. Because they know better. Because they are so much the wiser.

Sometimes thats just the way things are. People who have been in control, want more and more of in, and in the end, they deter away from what they started out to be. Its a mere hipothesis. And of course it doesn't go for all cases.

But how sure are you that they really do 'KNOW BETTER'? Why not trust urself? Ur instincts? Ur feelings? Wild dreams, emotional turmoils, crazy ambitions that dont put food on the table. Thats what really pisses me off. They like to label every darn thing we do.

Maybe its time we try to stop depending on views, teaching and guidelines from others too much. We are a trully dependent generation, you know. Maybe its time we trust ourselves instead, and find a world that trully belongs to us, and not one that has been designed, shaped and carefully crafted to shield us from harm and danger, yet is keeping us away from the truth.

I bet someone told Columbus that the world was flat. I bet many people laughed at him. And I bet when he proved them wrong, he had the last laugh. Had he backed down, like what we have been doing all this while, that last laugh will never come true.

History is Written by the victors. So how much truth can u gather from it? How much faith will you continue to put in, when cracks, faults and dents are beginning to appear on the covers, and little by little is revealing the real truth behind all thats going on today?

Be yourself. Don't overdo it. Be a mover of our generation. The 21st century, educated, street-smart, sweet-mouthed, cunning, quick, agile, compassionate, determined and spirited soul. Change the world, by changing yourself. Let them know, we appriciate all the things they have put us through, but now its time we take matters into out own hands, and see the world like it really is. We're sick and tired of lies. We're sick and tired of half-truths and false accusations. We're sick and tired of under-carpet information and alledged 'P n C's.

We want to know. We are determined to know. And by God we're in gear to know. The only thing stopping us now, is ourselves.

Wise men grow wiser with age, as do wine and its taste. But who sets the measurement, that a young boy like Alexander, cannot have the courage, the knowledge, the spirit and the strength to overtake his fore-fathers in dominating the world?

We followed the rules.

At least tell us the whys and hows of setting them. Because the day we know those rules aren't really working anymore, we'll take charge, and by then, the tables will be turned. You cant hide the truth forever.

Estatic!!!! =p

2009-11-19T10:08:00.000-08:00

Hahahahah~ Yea... I'm happy today.

GOt something out of my chest, and I'm confident its in good hands. And the effect is freakin immediate. I'm beginning to feel relaxed and easier. ^^ Had a great time today.

Teambuilding was hilarious. Yee Hong's group did a major performance and we laughed our heads off (will post the video soon... tired and lazy now~ xD). Pritam = neutral. Marketing = Bored. EFM = seeing CCY, Siew Li, Yee Hong, Allison, Kelly and Winnie do their thang during the oral presentation. Haha~ Had to say Kelly did a real good job. Her 'aura' was stronger than the rest, and she made minimal mistakes.

The moment I hit home, edited the final draft for the PM project, and Cheng You, his gal, Jake and I went for dinner. After dinner I had the liberty to try out DOTA one more time. Lol. I tell you. Worst exp ever. Got called noob a few times, and everyone left the room! Yea~ My Dota standard dam 7 high la now. T.T Had a try on Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 though... Awesome~ xDD

Charging my handphone, so I cant upload anything... at least not until 2moro. xDD (excuses and moral uncertainty applied**)

K~ till then... Night!

'Repeating Rob Thomas's Her Diamonds over and over again, waiting for it to rain again so that I can have a good night's rest, thinking about the things that happened today, feeling relieved that I had that sharing session, and wishing the PM tutor would accept the project and juz shuttap 2moro. GG'

2.17AM, I'm bored and sleepy, but filled with no motivation to slumber at all~ xDDD (muz be the maggi goreng... I'm gonna get cancer soon~)

Tuesday Night~

2009-11-17T05:00:00.001-08:00

^^ Had a great dinner. Jake brought his gal out tonite; CCY and our host/driver/boss/bill-settler Yee Hong. Headed to Purple Forest (紫林 fuyoh Chinese improvin) and a rather satisfying meal indeed.

ANyway on da way there we juz haddd to stop by and 'sampat' at some random 'lok-lok' stand, and I ended up paying 60 cents for it.

I mean wth... =_='' they're making hello kitty-fishball a-la-cartes. This is so wrong....

Yeah.. bad lighting... I blame the camera and the man behind it. Tsk tsk.

Still... really funny occasion. The three of em' (CCY, Jake n his gal) were supposed to go for some 007 high-priority meeting at some classified location somewhere in the basements of Kampar (Grand Kampar Hotel i'm guessing), so yeah... watches and handphones were drawn out every minute. Edgy~

Food here's... err... wait I've not blogged about Kampar food in detail yet huh? There's this saying here that goes 'Sugar and Salt in Kampar is free'; '这边的糖和盐不用钱的'. Serious. Every freakin dish we have here only comes in two flavours. Sir, would like it Salty or Sweet. I mean it. U shud have a go at it urself.

Anyway the menu's impressive and all. They had a set dinner priced at RM8.00 for the top menus. Not sure about it at first, but went ahead anyway. I had to tell u. Made the most ridiculous mistake that night. I had fish-steaks with mushroom sauce, iced watermelon juice and a dash of ice-cream.

Nothings gonna change my love for you (watermelons)~~

'Gigantic' set of fish and White Rice. =_='''

Ok... so why on Earth am I blogging about this shyte? Its not supposed to be worth any mentioning at all.. until I found out...

The mushroom sauce, ladies and gentlemen. Was all salt. AwesooOOooOOoome~

=_='' wierd taste man! Seriously!! But finished it non-the less.

O and yeah. Prototyping the old culture, men always finsih thier food, while the mild-appitite galfren shud leave the plate half-eaten. Check this out:

Check out the couple if ya want to, but notice the plates. xDDD O btw, thats Jake, his gf and thier blinding glare of intimacy. (dun let the innocent face fool ya, he knew I was taking this. GG)

There you have it. One of the 1001 things we as Kampar dudes and dude-ess do on a Tuesday night. Gonna freshen up and watch some drama now (thats another of the 1001 Kampar habits) xDDDD Byez~

Presentation~

2009-11-17T03:17:00.000-08:00

Okay really wierd day. Went to school only to realise that there was a mid term on EFM. =_='' yea.. and it was bullshit. Dam easy (not saying I wont make mistakes but damnnnN!!!) And then there was a presentation for Teambuilding. Had to go on with it imprompto, cuz I wasn't ready. But I think we did really well given the circumstances. XD

1st group to present.. xDD

And yeah... then there the random part of UTAR life again.

More bikes and more skies. I think this is what we call culture. The bikes and the skies~~ =_=''

K. GOing to makan now. Bye~

Icy~ Cold~

2009-11-17T00:22:00.001-08:00

Remedy for the crazy hot weather (probably wont last.. with my 2 semester's wrth of exp its gonna rain soon) - Ice Shack!!!
It was sooooo delicious~~

C? Thats wat I'm talking about! Cool, refeshing ice on a hot November's Day!

.... and with ppl to share them with!! xDDD

Going for class now. Chaioz~

Dunno y.. Love this song n da lyrics (meaningful)

2009-11-15T22:41:00.000-08:00

(Jay-Z):
Everytime
The guns goes blast
Another day goes past
I don't miss my dogs
I'm wishing the days
Could go fast
So I could crash
Close my eyes
Try to go to sleep
And bring you back but
I can bring you back
(Nah can bring you back)
So I back
Back memories of us
Acting bad
Wish time could freeze
But time is up
And I promise ya
Imma hold it down
Till it's my time
To leave and I'm ok
I mean
Am allright not ok
And it hurts my soul
I won't see your face
But if u truely
Are in a better place
Like what say
And that's ok
I'll be allright
I've been up all night
Like if I didn't
With my nigga to be living
With the time
Tick-tick-ticking away
So forever I'm forever
I'm in search of yesterday
(Yesterday)
Like a beattle song
I close my eyes
Repeat the song
Tryna bring us back
To where we belong
Middle of the club
When be was on I tear
The song blowing on
Going back before
So when I meet the don u
Should know I meet way back
With my dog when I go
So when times says goodbye
Y'all say hello

(Mariah):
Bye, bye (3x)
Bye, bye

(Jay-Z):
Rock with me
MC come one

(Mariah):
And you never got the chance
To see how good I've done
And you never got to see me
Back at number one
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could spend
The holidays together

I remember when you used
To tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear
You gave to me
That I held so tight
I thought you
Were so strong
That you can make it
Through whatever
It's so hard
To accept the fact
You're gone forever

Never knew
I could hurt like this
And everyday
Life goes on like
I wish I could
Talk to you for awhile
I wish I could find a way
Try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach
A better place
Still I'll give
The whole world
To see your face
And I'm right here
Next to you
It feels like you
Gone too soon
The hardest thing to do
Is say bye, bye

Bye, bye (3x)
Bye, bye

This is for my people's
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
(Put em up, put em up)
We will never say bye
(No, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters
Brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people's
Who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
(Lift it up lift it up)
'Cos we will never
Say bye, bye

Never knew
I could hurt like this
(I never knew it)
And everyday
Life goes on like
(Everyday of my life I wish)
I wish I could
Talk to you for awhile
(I wish)
Miss you
But I try not to cry
As time goes by
(I wish, I wish
I wish as time goes by)
And as soon
As you reached
A better place
Still I'll give the world
To see your face
And we were here
Next to you
It feels
Like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing
To do
Is say bye, bye

(It's hard to say
Bye, bye, bye
Bye, bye, bye
So come on
Somebody sing it with me
Wave your hands up high
Hey, hey
This if for my people's
Who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
You put your hand to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye, bye)

Hoho~ (emo post dun read if ur not up for it)

2009-11-15T09:13:00.000-08:00

Supposed to go down Ipoh today for 2012 but uh.... I cant. Makes me remember things... Things I've kept behind me... So... I din go.

It's pretty funny you noe. U tell a lie, and it gets so real u wish it were true. U find meaning to something, risk everything u ever owned to get to that final episode, only to realise it was all for nothing. I'VE PUT U OUT OF HEAD. And that's the way I wish it be. I'm telling myself to let it go. But hey, guess what? I cant. Lol. I just... cant. Its crazy. Its stupid. Its insane. Its pitiful to say the least. Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and what do I see?

I'm not like this... I'm not what I told myself to be. I'm not.. trying hard enuff. What? What the hell's wrong with me? People are getting happier, and what about me? Lol. I stay in one place, telling the whole world 'Check It Out! I Love It Here'. Yea I do... but its not the same anymore. Not when I have to cry at every song, every movie, every freakin picture that reminds me of what was.

I'm losing at this war. Lol. I'm not... me. I laze, I sloth. I wake up every single morning lying to myself, giving myself a reason to just... I dunno... Its hard. I havent looked at anyone. I'm too afraid. Afraid they remind me. Everytime I get too close, that stupid song plays in my head.

U noe.. someone once told me. Every emo post I put up, splits me into two. Guess I'm more than a million pieces now, huh?

Heh.. Spent the entire day getting bitten my mosquitoes, watching Heroes and biting on potato chips. FInished the entire season 2 in one whoop. >.<

Going to have to put my head onto dealing with assignments soon.

I dunno.. I just.. well... feel ackwardly down. All offa sudden. Its like something's being drained out of me. Like I'm hallow... again. Maybe its whats happening around me, seeing people get picked up one by one. Its painful. Sad. Lol. Even pathetic.

Life has meaning. I've found that meaning. I'm working hard towards achieving my goals and desires but... it's just not the same anymore is it? How long am I going to continue to kid myself? Its over. Its not going to be the same again.

I'm well... tired.... of all this. So very.. very tired.....

'Dealing with life is painful at times. But when someone offers you that shining light at the end of the tunnel, what are the odds that you're going to let an opportunity like tat past? But what if.... its all coming at an end? One big roundabout and you're back where you are. Are you going to let it past, like u're telling urself to? Be someone else you're not? I'm losing it. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I strive for. Come to think of it, what the hell am I doing?'

'It Hurts' 1.19AM, standard emo time.

omg.. LMAO

2009-11-15T02:00:00.000-08:00

An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says “Fluctuations”. The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the door, turns around and says: “Fluc you Amelicans too!”

A mug of beer

2009-11-15T01:44:00.000-08:00

An insect falls into a mug of beer…

African : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

Indian: Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, blames it as long term ISI operation, terms the insect as a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the beer and demand that US should declare Pakistan a terrorist state

Hyper!!!! Wahahahahahaah!!!!

2009-11-14T04:26:00.001-08:00

FUn~ Fun~ Fun~ Jump~ Jump~ Jump~ WeeEEeEEEE!!!! xDDDDDDD

I'm on a sugar rush babe!!! lolz!! finished the arketing examination today.. have to say I was really satisfied. xDDDDD

GOing to hit the cybers again later~ catch u all soon!!! O yea, booked my ticket back for the 26th. Cant Wait!!! WooHooo~~

GOnna die of overactivity soon!! xDDDD

Marketing~

2009-11-13T07:19:00.001-08:00

Bugger... too much info... overloadddd!!! T.T

Exam in t-minus 17hrs, 49 mins, 11secs...

No sleep tonight!!! T.T

Happy~ xDDD

2009-11-12T04:15:00.001-08:00

Burppp~ xD Finished another can of lemon tea... bahagianya~

One of a kind day for me really~ Started out as a really crazy morning, and it ended up something I'd give the world to be part of in.

Morning, 9.43am
Found out that it was raining, very very very.... slightly. So Siew Li took it as an excuse to call for our 'taxi' Yee Hong xDDD So bikes were left at her place, and we crammed into his little Saga and were off to skul.

In skul, 10.00 - 11.30am:
New TeamBuilding teacher replacing the near bed-ridden previous one. Better than the last one at least. Did random SWOT analysis - Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.Siennnn~

11.30 - 12.20:
2 bz chewing onto our noodles and curry chicken that we almost ended up late for class.xDD

12.20 - 2.00:
Pritam's class was really err... Pritam - the usual old English style of a lecturer. (PS: He advised me taking IELTS next year so I'll giv em some credit.)

2.00 - 3.30:
Random events took place of no ultimate interest. ()

3.30 - 6.30:
Both tutorial classes were a bore..... T.T sien betui!!!!

6.30 onwards:
There. This is the really nice part. Because Yee Hong suddenly fell ill due to an ear infection (yes ear...), we (mostly Cheng You) decided to walk. Siew Li complained all the way, so did Jake, but on the way back, the scenery was so freakin mesmerizing that it changed thier views forever.

On the way home... the grass is green. I never thought it was THIS green.

I mean... its like a potrait eh?

Take a moment to consider this: Soft breeze caressing ur cheeks, beautiful scenery, taking
a slow but relaxing stroll wif ya frenz.. omg.... this is life!! xDDD

You cant possibly see it, cuz my darn camera lens is too darn small. T.T But
that island there is known as bird island. Most of it is covered with (yes you
guessed it!) birds.

I never knew the bridge looked so... kewl.. wait... I never even knew we
had a bridge!! @@'''

N yes... the 4 crazy ppl wif the crazy looks and the crazy attitude who
decided to take the road less taken. xD

I mena seriously... U shud be here to feel it for urself... the wind is just
awesome!!

Random boat... xDDD

Random dude trying to get to the random boat... xDDDDDD

Gosh.. I wish I had a better camera. This is the best views yet. Its not a few,
but an entire lake of lotuses. ^_____^

At the end of da day, we headed to Young's house for dinner (actually we asked him to help pack food, but when we got there we were too tired to walk home, so it was in-house dining. xDDD) Bahagia no.2 ~~

K enuff blogging for now. Have an assignment to finish, and the Marketing exam's in 2 days. gotta work hard!!!

C yas in KL soon~ wakakakakakaka!!!

'Emotionally unstable due to excessive joy and under the over-dosage of ice lemon tea in a can. ^^ gonna hit the showers, hit da books, and then hit the sack in the happiest mood this week.' xDDD

8.17 pm, its raining heavily outside, I'm stuffed with food and happy-going for the next 5 hours or will end up napping, which ever comes first.

Boring... T.T

2009-11-11T07:24:00.001-08:00

Aint it a beauty?

Another boring day... T.T The only enjoyment I'm getting now is getting into fights with group members who don't seem interested in completing thier PM projects,

waking up in the morning thinking its night,

facebooking, doing sit-ups that aint helping, and helping the old woman next door cross the road (No la made that up).

Nyways looking forward to going home soon~

I'm staring out into the night,
hiding from the rain...
The crazy weather's killing me...
And feelings here just doesn't feel the same.
And the pain I feel's a different kind of pain.

I'm going home~
To a place where I belong,
Back to all the Starbucks, Sushis and McDs~
I'm running from,
Yeah I seriosuly think its all wrong,
I kinda regret this place I chose for me.

And the faces and Kampar just sucks too bad...
So I wanna go home.

xDDDD Kidding la. Not really regretting anything, but its just....

B
O
R
I
N
G

Definition:
A severe state of emotional disorder, where the patient is in a deep condition of internal emptiness and nothingness.

Symptoms
include hugging knees and drawing circles on the ground,

facebooking 24/7, drinking cola, staring out the window hoping to see the cows over the road jump over the moon, drinking cola, chewing a half-bitten straw while watching GI-Joe on PPS, banging head on wall, drinking more coke, and napping at every opportunity.

And I'm NOT saying it has anything to do with the lack of entertainment here, or am I saying there's the slightest possibility it has anything to do with the same food you eat everyday, and it is definately not the fact that it is the same 40 x 40 km radius every... single... day that ur bike can get you.

NoOOOoOOOOoooOOOOooo.....

'Boredddddddddddd~ T.T sleepy, drowsy, anxious, reluctant, ignorant, giddy, fuzzy and
groogy. Finished my plate of nasi lemak, having a nice can of lychee and resting my head on the keypad while typing this thinking 'I see screens.... a BLINK! Red Coke cans too~ I see crushed papers~ thrown by the stool~ and then I say to myself~ Oh what a 'whhannndarrrpphulllll' world~' T.T

What the hell??

2009-11-11T07:15:00.001-08:00

U noe... theres something called mannerism in this world, or is your head so freakin small that u cant get that into ur tiny little pea-sized brain? Wth.... keep ur hands off other people's stuff! What, juz because ur the security guard means u get to do what u want? Oi listen! ur juz a 'security' guard. U guard security. Dogs, dinosaurs, thieves. U aint law enforcers! o0o

Bastard placed all of our bikes together in a clump. WTH. What if someone gets hurt trying to withdraw thier bikes? U noe I had to dig through so many people's stuff just to drag mine out? Otak takde!! Want me to put all ur motorbikes together, then plce them in the middle of the lake?? I'll even tie a freakin bow on the exhaust pipes! Nak?

'Bzzzzzt!!!'

Finished draft... ~_~

2009-11-10T10:12:00.000-08:00

Finally finished the draft for the stupid PM written assignment. Took me about 5 hours. Grrrrr!! Its like form 4 and form 5 all over again. I mean seriously... A moment ago I was still editing Issac Newton and James Watt's darn photos... T.T

Damn I need a life. Byes~

New temp~

2009-11-10T01:22:00.000-08:00

Messing around with templates these few day... Hope I can find 1 that fits me. Will beusing this till then.

Mu lost... again.

2009-11-08T10:12:00.000-08:00

Ok fak it. MU lost to Chelsea..... again. 1-0. >.< thier 6 year draught's not gonna end here. =_='' (not to mention the match was seriously boring... )

*emogo*

Random post #2

2009-11-07T03:22:00.001-08:00

This week's random babbler:

Meet my new fren... Tiggy!!! xDDDD

Looks he's smiling!!!! Awwhhhh.....

Ok... tat was stupid. (=_='' i need a doctor...)

Cyber Madness

2009-11-07T03:15:00.001-08:00

Yes... the peeps. The really crazy people who mercilessly destroy
my high scores... T.T

C the intensity in thier eyes? Jake *glare* Siew Li *excited* Yee Hong.. err...
wtf is he doing?

No ma.... Its not wat u think. It looks like me.. it sounds like me...
But its not me!!

The great Fifa 2010 player who lost 3 -1 to me recently. xDDD

Okok no... I'm not addicted to the Cybers really. Its because for once in ma life, I'm experiencing a warm-family-atmospheric-themed competition. Everytime we hit the cybers its like 5 - 6 peeps with no goal or aim what-so-ever and all we wanna do is kill each other and score points then rub it in the others' faces. xDD

And yes... our next target to drag to the cyber. Li Ting's the only one who hasen't touched a CC keyboard yet. Yes... not yet.. but soon... very soon... muahahaha. *cough* ok.... err....

Join the dark side......

Tats all for now. I'm feelinglight-0-headed... probably due to the usage of too much brain juice trying to survive not getting humiliated in front of so many ppl in the badminton courts. T.T

Life's Tarot Deck

Peace

i'm not perfect

Its taken over...

Facebook speed down solution!

Monday Blues

Funny

Greed

Secret Recipe + Kong Ming Deng Night

Worthlessness

Again??

24hr marathon

Cant sleep~!

Kittehhhh~~!!! #1

My Dear Solemn Silence

Political Joke

LOLz!!

Wooo~!! Happy NY 11''

All this time

Onegai Shimatsu...

And so...

Hey...

OneRepublic - Secrets

8 Gates of Emotional Control

I understand now

Gurghh..

All the small things

Dear Andrew

F!

周杰倫 - 說了再見

Save Save Save!!

Talent Time 2010

新不了情

Yay!!

Seriously wtf were they thinking!!

Outrage over fiery death

By NG SI HOOIsihooi@thestar.com.my

Back... -.-''

Hey I'm 2...1111??!!! Woah wait a minute!!

Wednesday...

A bag of peanuts, a can of rootbeer, and a world inside my head

Fear

Earth Hour

Sickening

Backtracking on myself...

Lolz

Memories

I noe now

Home-made dinner

Gambling at Cheng You (CY)'s house

Death..

Kampar... March 2010

CNY - part 2

First of many more

The Weak... The Strong..

The CNY BreK

random#1

Mc n Ots..

WTF Week

Blood Donation Campaign

Mass Call Photos are In

Zis' One of' Ze Dayz...

MC days are over!!

Ipoh R U Down, Down, Down, Down, Down?

Love's Here

2nd sem results are out

Mis-*fill in da blank*

Back~

New Year Eve xDDD

New Year Party + 3rd Uncle's Bday Surprise

Rudophl's Craziness

The New Dawn 2010

New Roommmm~~~ xDDD

haha nitez all...

How we Utarians make use of Post-Exam Fridays @ Da Hostel Room

Exams (and finally the headache from celebrating) 's overrrr.. for now..

Yay!

Its My Lifeee~!!

=33 Dear Yi Theng =33

Cheng You's Bday

By NG SI HOOI
sihooi@thestar.com.my

Mis-fill in da blank